Pleasant people subtly light up a room simply from their presence.

They aren’t always in the limelight or taking center stage, but that certainly doesn’t mean they don’t have an impact.

Because their potent collection of sometimes unassuming traits and behaviors makes them uplifting, inspiring and so very easy to be around.

If you’re warm, friendly, and make life feel lighter for others — then chances are you are you have a pleasant personality too.

Where does this gift come from?

Psychology can point us in the right direction to explain what we find so alluring about pleasant people.

1) You’re humble and don’t think of yourself as better than anyone else

Some of the most unpleasant and difficult people out there are fuelled by a misguided focus on individuality.

What I mean by that is that they feel special and superior.

Sure, it’s good to embrace what makes us unique. That means feeling good about your particular gifts and talents.

But when we get too wrapped up in this, we can forget that all of us have the same intrinsic value.

The nicest people stay grounded and are down to earth.

Psychology tells us that although some believe that being humble means having low self-esteem and a lack of confidence, it’s actually quite the opposite.

As ​​psychiatrist Dimitrios Tsatiris points out:

“A healthy dose of humility can help us regain perspective and not prioritize personal success over other essential virtues, such as integrity, honesty, and service.”

These are the very qualities that we admire and like in someone.

Pleasant people celebrate themselves, but they don’t feel the need to rub what they have or can do in anyone’s face to do so.

2) You’re comfortable being yourself

Finding the courage to be ourselves becomes a gift to others.

For starters, people can only truly get to know us and connect with us when we are prepared to reveal who we are.

But also, when we are sincere it gives others permission to do the same.

Pleasant people avoid getting caught up in illusions and pretentiousness.

At its heart, psychologist Rick Hanson says it’s about truth and honesty.

“Speaking from an open heart can seem so vulnerable yet be the strongest move of all. Naming the truth – in particular the facts of one’s experience, which no one can disprove – with simplicity and sincerity, and without contentiousness or blame, has great moral force.”

We can often sense a genuine person, and it puts us at ease.

3) You are skilled in handling strong emotions

Here’s where it may start to sound contradictory, but bear with me.

We’ve just seen that pleasant people keep it real, but being viewed as agreeable also involves a certain amount of self-control.

Psychologists tell us that polite society is dependent on certain dos and don’ts that we adhere to. These help us to get along and show respect.

Without the power to regulate our emotions, social norms of behavior can be threatened when our feelings get the better of us.

Pleasant people often have high emotional intelligence which gives them better social skills. They are self-aware and emotionally mature.

The knock-on effects mean:

• You handle conflict better
• You are less prone to flying off the handle
• You don’t make a scene
• You don’t emotionally impose on others
• You’re more conscious of how emotions can impact your behavior

It’s not that we need to hide from strong emotions, they’re inevitable at some point.

But we do need to learn how to keep a lid on them so that we express them in healthy ways.

4) You’re interested in other people

We all enjoy different types of personalities, depending on who we get along better with.

Yet research highlights that there are some universal things that seem to make someone more likable.

One of those is asking others questions, and, in particular, follow-up questions.

The reason why is quite simple, psychologically speaking, we like those who seem to take a sincere interest in us.

People enjoy talking about themselves, and people who make an effort to get to know us give us the space to do that.

But it doesn’t just end in asking the questions. The next part is just as important, which brings us to our next point.

5) You are an empathetic listener

We’re often told how important strong listening skills are.

But it goes one step further if you don’t just seek to listen, you want to understand.

That can make all the difference over whether someone feels truly seen and heard.

It involves being both attentive and responsive, as well as patient and diligent.

Psychology tells us that empathetic listening is what helps us to enjoy deeper conversations and build more meaningful connections.

Clinical psychologist Scott Haas likens it to the Japanese concept of Kuuki o yomu.

“The art of reading the air, means being able to observe, listen, and absorb the thoughts and feelings of others to be closer to them.”

6) You’re cooperative and think in terms of “we” and not just “I”

A pleasant person is essentially what psychologists refer to as an agreeable personality.

That’s not to say you have to be bland or lacking in your own individual thoughts, ideas, beliefs or opinions.

It’s more to do with the fact that you also consider others.

As explained in Psychology Today:

“When a person is high in this personality trait, they are less me-centric and more we-centric. They look for the common good in others, are quick to hear out opinions of the people around them, and look for harmony instead of discord.”

The evidence tells us that pleasant people are more prosocial and altruistic.

They show concern, compassion, and kindness.

In short, you genuinely give a damn about your fellow man.

7) You’re a glass half full kinda person

Never underestimate the power of a positive outlook on your likability.

I remember once I was coming in from a pretty poor surfing session. I’d be knocked around by messy waves and had struggled to catch much.

But high on life I still reached the shore with a big smile on my face.

As I did, I bumped into a pal on the beach. He asked how my surf was, to which I replied:

“I sucked, but it was still loads of fun. There’s no such thing as a bad surf, right?”

I could have complained about all the worst bits, and I’ll be honest, on many other days I might have. 

This day I managed to reach for the positives.

And my reaction instantly inspired positivity in him too, as he replied “Yeah, I love that. It’s such a good attitude to have.”

Psychology tells us that positivity and happiness are contagious. Meanwhile, so is negativity.

Looking on the bright side and reaching for the positives makes you a lighter person to be around.