If you were raised by a self-sacrificing mother, you might know it’s not always easy to recognize.

There’s a delicate balance between selfless love and the point where it starts to affect your own mental health.

Growing up with a self-sacrificing mom may have meant witnessing her putting everyone else’s needs before her own, often at the cost of her well-being.

This is a psychological pattern that, while not a formal diagnosis, can shape your own personality and behavior in ways you may not even realize.

Being aware of these signs can be challenging yet crucial to understanding yourself better.

So, let’s delve into the psychology behind growing up with a self-sacrificing mother and explore the eight common signs you may have experienced.

1) You often feel guilty for prioritizing your own needs

Growing up with a self-sacrificing mother can lead to a deeply ingrained sense of guilt whenever you put your own needs first.

This is because you’ve been conditioned to witness your mother always putting others before herself.

For example, let’s say you choose to spend a weekend focusing on self-care rather than visiting your mom.

You might end up feeling guilty for prioritizing your needs over hers, even if she doesn’t explicitly express any disappointment.

This is a common psychological pattern, you subconsciously learn to believe that your needs are secondary and that prioritizing them is selfish.

You may even feel like you’re burdening others with your needs and wants.

2) You struggle to accept help from others

Ironically, being raised by a self-sacrificing mother can make it hard for you to accept assistance from others.

You may have witnessed your mother constantly giving and rarely receiving, which can lead you to believe that this is the norm.

Let’s say a friend offers to help you move house. Instead of accepting graciously, you might insist on doing it all by yourself, even though it’s a monumental task.

This behavior is rooted in the belief that accepting help is a sign of weakness or an imposition on others.

However, it’s important to remember that everyone needs help sometimes and it’s okay to accept it when offered.

It doesn’t make you weak or selfish, but rather acknowledges our human interdependence.

3) You have a high tolerance for neglect

One of the hallmarks of growing up with a self-sacrificing mother is developing an unusually high tolerance for neglect.

Your mother may have been so focused on taking care of others that she unintentionally neglected her own needs, and possibly yours.

According to attachment theory, children who experience emotional neglect, particularly in their formative years, often grow into adults who have difficulty forming secure, emotionally close relationships.

Research has shown that neglect can disrupt healthy emotional development, leading individuals to tolerate emotional distance and overlook their own needs in relationships .

This aligns with the experience of growing up with a self-sacrificing mother, where a child may develop an unusually high tolerance for neglect due to the mother prioritizing others over her own and the child’s needs.

Recognizing this pattern is crucial for developing healthier relationships and understanding one’s emotional needs.

4) You feel responsible for other people’s emotions

Growing up with a self-sacrificing mother can instill in you a sense of responsibility for the emotions and well-being of those around you.

When you witness your mother constantly sacrificing her own needs for the sake of others, you may unconsciously learn that it’s your duty to manage other people’s feelings and happiness.

For example, you might find yourself trying to cheer someone up when they’re down, even if it’s at the expense of your own emotional needs.

Or perhaps you go out of your way to avoid conflict, fearing that any disagreement will hurt someone’s feelings.

This behavior can lead to emotional burnout and a lack of boundaries, as you place other people’s emotional needs above your own.

Over time, you might struggle to separate your own emotions from those of others, feeling overly responsible for how they feel and trying to fix things that are outside your control.

5) You say “yes” even when you want to say “no”

Another sign of growing up with a self-sacrificing mother is the tendency to agree to things you don’t actually want to do.

You may have learned early on that saying “yes” is expected, even if it means sacrificing your own needs or desires.

For example, you might agree to take on extra work, help a friend move, or attend an event you don’t have the energy for, just to avoid disappointing others.

Over time, this can lead to exhaustion and resentment because you’re not honoring your own limits.

Learning to say “no” when necessary is an important part of setting healthy boundaries and taking care of yourself.

It’s a way of prioritizing your well-being, which is essential for maintaining balance in your relationships.

6) You feel uncomfortable receiving praise or recognition

If you grew up with a self-sacrificing mother, you might struggle to accept praise or recognition, even when it’s deserved.

Your discomfort with compliments may stem from seeing your mother downplay her achievements, making you believe that seeking recognition is selfish.

According to research by Dr. Kristin Neff on self-compassion, people with low self-worth often find it hard to accept kindness or praise because they don’t feel deserving of it.

In fact, Neff’s study emphasizes that developing self-compassion can improve emotional resilience and increase well-being, helping individuals accept kindness and praise from others more comfortably.

7) You tend to downplay your own emotions

Last of the signs that you grew up with a self-sacrificing mother, is that you may have learned to suppress or downplay your own emotions.

Witnessing your mother constantly prioritize others over herself might have led you to believe that your own feelings are less important or even a burden to others.

A close friend of mine, struggled with this for years. She would always be there for everyone, listening and offering support, but when it came to her own struggles, she would brush them off as if they didn’t matter.

“Other people have it worse,” she would often say, minimizing her own emotions. Over time, this made it difficult for her to open up and ask for help, even when she needed it the most.

Recognizing that your emotions are valid and worthy of attention is crucial for personal growth and building healthy relationships.

It’s important to give yourself permission to feel and express your emotions without guilt, knowing that they matter just as much as anyone else’s.

Conclusion: Understanding and moving Forward

If you’ve recognized any of these signs in yourself, it’s important to remember that growing up with a self-sacrificing mother can shape your behaviors and perspectives in ways that aren’t always immediately obvious.

These behaviors, while developed as coping mechanisms, don’t have to define your relationships or sense of self moving forward.

To start addressing these patterns, consider working on setting healthy boundaries, practicing self-compassion, and allowing yourself to prioritize your own emotional needs without guilt.

Therapy or counseling can be incredibly helpful in breaking these ingrained habits and nurturing a stronger sense of self-worth.

Also, reflect on the dynamics that shaped your upbringing without placing blame.

Recognizing these patterns is a powerful first step towards cultivating healthier relationships and a more balanced approach to self-care.

Ultimately, by understanding and honoring your own needs, you open the door to a more fulfilling, authentic life.