There’s a fine line between being influenced and being manipulated.

The key difference? Authenticity. Manipulation is often steeped in deceit, designed to make you do what someone else wants, usually at your expense.

Influence, on the other hand, empowers you to make your own choices, based on genuine advice or guidance.

Here’s the kicker: It’s not always easy to spot the difference. But there are telltale signs to watch out for.

Below, check out nine red flags that scream, “It’s not you, it’s them”—a handy guide to sniff out the manipulators lurking in your midst.

1) You’re constantly second-guessing yourself

One of the biggest signs of manipulation is self-doubt.

When someone’s manipulating you, they often make you question your own thoughts and decisions. This can leave you feeling as if you’re in a constant state of uncertainty and confusion.

It’s like having a voice in your head, always nudging you to believe that you’re wrong or that you need to change. This is often a clear tactic used by manipulators to control your actions and decisions.

Don’t let this shake your confidence. Your thoughts and decisions are valid. If someone’s making you constantly question yourself, it’s not you who needs to change – it’s them.

2) Your feelings are often invalidated

This is a scenario I’ve personally experienced.

I was in a relationship where every time I expressed how I felt, it was brushed off or minimized. If I was upset, the response was, “You’re overreacting,” or, “You’re too sensitive.”

I started to feel like my emotions were an annoyance, something to be swept under the rug. It felt like I needed to change the way I reacted to things.

But here’s what I learned: your emotions are valid. No one has the right to dismiss them or make you feel wrong for having them. If someone is constantly belittling your feelings, that’s manipulation, not constructive feedback.

3) You’re always the one apologizing

In a manipulative relationship, it’s often one-sided when it comes to taking responsibility. You find yourself constantly saying “sorry”, even when you’re not at fault.

Research shows that manipulators have a knack for twisting situations, making you feel like you’re to blame, even for their mistakes. This is a form of psychological manipulation known as ‘gaslighting’.

But here’s the kicker: If you’re constantly playing the apology card, it’s not because you’re the poster child for wrongness. Oh no, it’s a neon sign flashing “manipulation central.” You don’t need to hit the self-improvement gym; they need to step up and own their mess. 

4) You’re always feeling guilty

Guilt is a powerful emotion, and manipulators know how to use it to their advantage.

If you’re constantly feeling guilty, even for things that are out of your control or are not your responsibility, this could be a sign of manipulation.

Manipulators will often make you feel guilty for their own shortcomings or failures, offloading their responsibilities onto you. Their aim is to make you feel like you’re the problem.

But the truth is, it’s not you who needs to change. You shouldn’t carry the weight of someone else’s guilt. 

5) Your accomplishments are downplayed

Nothing stings more than having your achievements belittled or ignored, especially by someone who should be celebrating them with you.

Manipulators often downplay your accomplishments to keep you in a constant state of self-doubt. Their goal is to make you feel like you’re not good enough, that you need to change or do more.

But here’s the truth: your accomplishments are worth celebrating, no matter how big or small. If someone is constantly undermining your achievements, it’s not a sign that you need to do better. 

6) You’re constantly drained

Relationships should lift you up, not wear you down.

But when you’re being manipulated, you may find yourself feeling emotionally and even physically exhausted. Manipulators are experts at taking your energy, leaving you feeling drained and depleted.

Make no mistake: Your well-being matters. If someone in your life is constantly taking from you without giving back, it’s not you needing to change. It’s them needing to respect your boundaries and energy.

7) You feel isolated from loved ones

I remember a time when I started losing touch with friends and family. Calls became less frequent, visits were seldom, and I felt a widening gap between us.

All this happened because someone in my life wanted to be the center of my world, cutting me off from those who mattered to me. I was manipulated into believing that I needed to change, to dedicate all my time and energy to them.

Isolation is a common strategy used by manipulators. They try to cut you off from your support network, making you more dependent on them.

But here’s what I realized: it’s not about changing who you value in your life. If someone wants you all for themselves, it’s not love or care—it’s manipulation.

8) Your self-esteem is taking a hit

When you’re constantly being told you’re not good enough or that you need to change, it’s inevitable that your self-esteem will take a hit.

Manipulators often prey on your insecurities, making you feel lesser than you are. Their aim? To make you believe that you won’t be good enough unless you change according to their whims.

But here’s the truth: You are enough, just as you are. If someone is consistently undermining your self-worth, it’s not a sign that you need to change. It’s a sign that they’re manipulating you.

9) You’re not happy

At the end of the day, the most glaring sign of manipulation is unhappiness.

If you’re constantly feeling unhappy, stressed, or anxious around someone, it’s a sign that something isn’t right. Manipulators often rob you of your joy, making you feel as if you need to change to regain it.

Bottom line? Happiness is your right. You don’t need to change who you are to find it. If someone is stealing your joy and causing you distress, they’re the ones who need to change, not you. 

Final thought: It’s about self-respect

In the twisted dance of manipulation, the real paradox lies not in the actions of the manipulator, but in our own reactions.

You know what? Choosing to see through the smoke and mirrors of manipulation is a powerful declaration of self-respect. It’s not about playing the blame game or pointing fingers—it’s about recognizing your inherent worth and refusing to settle for less.

Breaking free from the clutches of manipulation can feel like navigating a labyrinth in the dark. But here’s the kicker: Your happiness, your peace of mind—they’re worth every ounce of effort it takes to reclaim them.