“I don’t think I have what it takes to be a good mom.”

What do you do when she tells you this the moment she learned she was expecting – or at least when you broached the topic of parenthood?

Be grateful.

Why?

Because that uncertainty is one of the signs she will make a good mother.

Contrary to idealistic beliefs, being a good mother isn’t about knowing it all.

Motherhood is a beautiful journey of learning, re-learning, falling, getting up, and discovering strengths you never knew you had.

And how do you know that she has what it takes to go on this journey?

Have a look at these 10 signs a woman will make a good mother, according to psychology:

1) She is real

“Real mothers are the best kind of mothers – and the only kind!”

That’s according to clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst Dr Jennifer Kunst.

And I 100% agree with her on this.

Being real means being unafraid to show your true self, flaws and all.

And if she’s unafraid to be this authentic, chances are, she’s going to raise real human beings, too.

She’ll be raising authentic children who understand that it’s important to accept themselves for who they are.

Her kids will grow up unafraid to express themselves openly, free from the pressure of conforming with the expectations of the outside world.

She will have children who know the value of being genuine, not only to themselves, but also in front of, and to others.

2) She doesn’t let failure get to her

Dr Kunst also says that a good mother will try again after she fails.

She’s not one to easily give up.

She understands that failure is part of life, and this is another invaluable understanding that she will pass on to her children.

When her kids watch her bounce back from multiple falls, it encourages them that it’s okay to fail as long as you have the strength to keep trying to get back up.

Her kids will learn that setbacks are not the end, but opportunities to learn and grow.

3) She knows how to handle her feelings

Being able to manage emotions is a behavior crucial to parenthood.

And that’s not just me saying that.

Dr. Kunst also supports this, saying that a good mother “weathers painful feelings.”

Think about it:

When she can regulate her emotions, she’s less likely to lash out in anger or frustration in front of her kids.

But being in tune with her emotions does more than create a calm and stable home for the kids.

Emotional regulation leads to better emotional intelligence, which means she also learns to be more attuned to her children’s feelings.

And, of course, that emotional intelligence gets passed on to her kids, too.

When taught right, her little humans will adopt healthy ways of understanding and handling their feelings.

4) She’d choose responsiveness over being fair

Most of us grew up with the misconception that good parenting means treating our kids fairly.

But now that I think about it, that’s probably a notion we used to convince ourselves that our parents loved us equally.

I know better now that I’m a parent to two beautiful humans.  We were wrong to equate how we were treated with how much our parents loved us.

The truth is, parents generally loved their kids equally. But that doesn’t mean they needed to treat all kids the exact same way.

Take my children, for example.

One is reserved so he tends to stay in the background. On the other hand, the other one seeks out the spotlight.

That means quiet, laid-back moments with one and playful, active fun with the other. That doesn’t mean I love any of them any less.

When it comes to parenting, love is not about who gets more attention. It’s about how each child feels it best.

And that’s something that Dr. Alsion Escalante, pediatrician and Psychology Today contributor, believes just as much.

She says that “treating each child the same seems fair but can miss individual needs.”

5) She is responsible

Reproductive Psychiatrist and New York Times Parenting Contributor Dr Alexandra Sacks emphasizes motherhood requires an intensely unique responsibility.

And she’s right.

There’s no bigger responsibility than creating, shaping, and caring for a human being.

So, if you see her as a responsible individual – someone who gets what needs to be done and doesn’t quit halfway – it should be enough to convince you that she’s going to be a great mother.

Her reliability means that her future children are going to be in good hands.

That is, the hands of a mom who they can count on to meet their needs and keep them safe.

6)She’s willing to make sacrifices

According to psychologist Dr Steve Taylor, the path to good parenting involves great sacrifices.

And believe me when I say us parents couldn’t agree more with this expert opinion.

Mind you, the sacrifices one has to make during motherhood are vast.

It could be anywhere from their time, career, social life, passions, hobbies, and more.

So, if she’s okay with setting things aside or putting some goals on hold for the sake of those she loves, that’s a sure sign she will make a good mom someday.

Oh, before I forget, she also needs to be willing to sacrifice her alone time in the toilet and shower – at least for a good year or two.

7) She takes care of herself

Sure, a good mother is willing to give things up, but a great mother knows that her entire self shouldn’t be part of that sacrifice.

Sounds confusing and contradictory to what we’ve just talked about?

Let me explain:

A good mother knows that caring for herself is the best way to care for her little ones. So, self-care isn’t one of the many things she gives up for her kids.

And experts agree with this.

They talk about self-care as an essential part of keeping a mother’s mental health intact.

And that’s not all.

They also talk about multiple studies proving that kids are happier when their moms are happy.

So if she’s into self-care, don’t take that against her.

Remember, self care is one of a mother’s non-negotiable necessities.

8) She is flexible

Is she good at learning things as she goes?

Does she embrace unpredictability?

Is she spontaneous and adaptable?

If you said yes to any of these, you’re saying yes to her having the signs of a good mother.

Motherhood is a rollercoaster ride.

You probably hear that all the time, and for good reason – because it’s true.

One minute, you’re teaching them to walk. Next, you wish they’d stop running around the house even for a few seconds.

Experts agree that new parenthood comes with exciting challenges and intense emotional experiences.

Her ability to be quick on her feet to adjust and adapt to these makes her capable of being a great mother one day.

9) She sets healthy boundaries

Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein, a parenting coach and psychologist, emphasizes the importance of parents striking the right balance between offering their children support and avoiding the trap of enabling them.

So if she’s someone known for keeping healthy boundaries and sticking to them, that track record is enough proof that she is about to become a great mother.

Having healthy boundaries is one of the best ways to teach kids where the lines are drawn in relationships.

And the best part comes later:

When kids are raised with clear boundaries in place, they grow up with a better understanding of personal space, discipline, and respect.

10) She doesn’t expect perfection

Our last sign on this list of traits that will make a woman a good mother goes back to another one of Dr Kunst’s expert opinions:

“It takes an imperfect mother to raise a child well.”

If she doesn’t buy into the ideal mother portrayed on Hallmark cards or social media posts, she will be a good mother.

If she doesn’t expect her kids to be perfect, she will be a good mother.

Here’s the thing:

No matter how much we want to shield our kids from it, a good mother knows that children need to learn about the reality of life.

It’s not all rainbows and butterflies. It will be filled with disappointment and frustration.

Plus, a good mother knows her job is not to make her kids perfect.

Instead, she understands that her role is to make her children realize and accept that they will never be perfect – but that they can work on becoming the best versions of themselves.

A good enough mother

Almost all the signs of a good mother-to-be we listed above come from Dr. Donald Woods Winnicott’s picture of a ‘good enough mother.’

He was an English pediatrician and psychoanalyst who observed thousands of babies and mothers and found that the only way to be a good mother is to be “good enough.”

In short, for a woman to be a good mother, she has to see herself as flawed, someone with room for error and a much greater room for improvement.

After all, a good mother is a beautifully flawed human – not someone who strives for robotic perfection.