Navigating the social world can be tricky, and much of our conduct in these situations is shaped by the lessons we learned in our early years.

You may encounter individuals who leave you puzzled and wondering, “Didn’t anyone ever teach them basic manners?”

How can you tell if someone was never taught the essential etiquette that most of us learned growing up?

After observing a myriad of social interactions and reflecting on my experiences, I’ve compiled a list of 7 signs that might suggest someone was never taught basic manners in their formative years.

If these signs seem all too familiar, it may be time to examine some gaps in their upbringing.

1) Ignorance towards personal space

One of the first lessons we learn in our formative years is the importance of personal space, both ours and other individuals’.

Have you noticed someone who constantly invades your personal bubble, standing too close or touching without invitation?

This could be a sign that they were never taught about maintaining a respectful distance.

Respecting personal space is a fundamental aspect of good manners, and those who fail to comprehend this might not have had the benefit of learning basic social etiquette during their childhood years.

This lack of understanding can often lead to uncomfortable interactions in adulthood.

In such cases, it’s important to remember that while their behavior might seem intrusive, it could simply be a reflection of their upbringing and lack of awareness about this crucial aspect of social interaction.

2) Over politeness

At first glance, this may seem like an odd point. After all, how can being too polite be a sign of not being taught basic manners?

However, there is a fine line between genuine courtesy and excessive politeness that can border on insincerity.

If you’ve ever encountered someone who showers you with compliments and apologies, constantly bending over backward to please others, it might be a sign they were never taught the balance of politeness.

You see, manners are not just about being nice; they’re also about authenticity.

Over-politeness can often come across as disingenuous and can make social interactions uncomfortable.

This behavior might suggest that the person was never taught the nuances of sincere and balanced social conduct.

Remember, true manners are about respect and consideration for others, not just empty words or exaggerated gestures.

3) Inability to listen

In any conversation, listening is as important as speaking, if not more.

This is a basic etiquette that we’re taught from our childhood.

This is why it can be incredibly annoying when someone seems more interested in hearing their own voice than what you have to say.

They might constantly interrupt, disregard other’s opinions or simply dominate the entire conversation.

This could be a sign that they were never taught the crucial skill of active listening.

Active listening involves giving the other person your full attention, acknowledging their points of view and responding appropriately.

It shows respect for the other person’s thoughts and feelings.

If someone lacks this basic etiquette, it’s likely that they missed out on learning this vital social skill in their early years.

They might not realize it, but this behavior can come across as rude and disrespectful to others.

4) Disregard for punctuality

Time is one asset we all share equally, and how we respect it says a lot about our manners.

Being a few minutes late every now and then is understandable — life happens. But for some people, being late isn’t the exception; it’s the rule.

Consistently showing up late to meetings, social events, or even casual hangouts is a clear sign they may have missed a key lesson in basic manners: respecting other people’s time.

Punctuality isn’t just about clocks and schedules; it’s about consideration.

When someone is always late, it sends the message that their time is more valuable than everyone else’s.

Whether it’s caused by poor planning, a lack of accountability, or simply not caring, this behavior reveals a deeper disregard for how their actions affect others.

It’s one thing to be fashionably late to a party, but if it happens in professional or personal settings, it’s hard for people not to notice — and judge.

In many cultures around the world, punctuality is seen as a sign of respect for other people’s time.

It conveys the message that you value and appreciate the time others are investing in you.

5) Lack of empathy

Empathy is one of the most important social skills a person can have — it’s what allows us to understand and care about how others feel.

But for people who weren’t taught basic manners growing up, empathy often falls by the wayside.

Instead of thinking, “How would I feel if that happened to me?” they think, “Not my problem.”

This lack of emotional awareness can show up in subtle — and not-so-subtle — ways.

People who lack empathy may interrupt others mid-sentence, dismiss someone’s feelings, or act oblivious to how their words and actions affect those around them.

They might brush off emotional situations with phrases like “just get over it” or “that’s not a big deal” — which only highlights their inability to see things from another person’s perspective.

It’s not that they’re intentionally cruel (though it can feel that way), but rather that they never learned how to put themselves in someone else’s shoes.

Empathy is one of those “unspoken manners” that’s rarely taught directly but is learned through experience and parental guidance.

Without it, people can come across as cold, self-centered, or emotionally detached.

And while empathy can be developed later in life, it’s much harder to learn as an adult than it is as a child.

6) Overuse of digital devices

In today’s digital age, this might seem like an unusual point. After all, aren’t we all somewhat guilty of being too attached to our screens?

However, there’s a difference between utilizing technology and letting it control our social interactions.

If you’ve noticed someone who can’t resist the urge to check their phone during a meal, or prefers texting over engaging in face-to-face conversations, it could be a sign that they missed learning some pivotal manners.

Good manners involve being present and giving your undivided attention to the people around you.

Constantly being absorbed in a digital device is not only disrespectful but also reduces the quality of our interactions.

While technology can certainly enhance our lives, it’s crucial to remember that it should never take precedence over real-world, human connections.

An inability to maintain this balance may indicate a gap in the person’s understanding of basic etiquette.

7) Rudeness to service staff

One of the surefire ways to gauge someone’s manners is observing how they treat service staff.

Do they dismiss waitstaff with a wave, talk down to store clerks, or ignore the janitorial staff?

Such behavior is an unambiguous sign that they were never taught the importance of respect for all.

Good manners involve treating everyone with kindness and respect, regardless of their job or status.

It’s about acknowledging that every role is essential and deserves appreciation.

Those who fail to show basic courtesy to service staff might not realize how their actions reflect on them.

This behavior can be a stark indicator of a lack of basic manners learned during their formative years.

Understanding the importance of basic manners

Manners are more than just a set of rules or formalities.

They’re the glue that binds our social fabric, allowing us to interact in a respectful and harmonious way.

They demonstrate our consideration for others, our understanding of social norms, and our willingness to create a pleasant environment for everyone involved.

When we talk about basic manners, it’s not merely about saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, holding the door open for someone, or chewing with our mouths closed.

While these actions are part of good manners, they are just the tip of the iceberg.

True manners run much deeper.

They reflect our attitude towards others, our level of empathy, and our ability to respect boundaries.

However, this doesn’t mean that someone who missed out on these lessons as a child is doomed to be ill-mannered forever.

Manners can be learned at any age.

It’s never too late to develop an understanding and appreciation for basic social etiquette.

The first step is recognizing the gaps in one’s manners.

The next is making a conscious effort to change.

This might involve self-reflection, observing others who exhibit good manners, or even seeking guidance from etiquette classes or resources.

Ultimately, good manners are about creating positive interactions.

They’re about making others feel valued and respected.

By cultivating good manners, not only do we make the world a more pleasant place for everyone around us, but we also enhance our own personal growth and social relationships.