Not everyone who appears nice truly is.

A friendly smile or a polite gesture might seem like genuine kindness, but sometimes it hides a different reality.

People can act nice when they want something or when it’s convenient for them. It’s crucial to pay attention to more than just words or occasional gestures.

Real kindness shows up consistently, regardless of the situation or the person’s needs.

Looking beyond surface-level behaviors can help you understand who someone truly is. You might notice small, telling signs that reveal a different story.

Here are 9 signs that someone might not be as nice as they seem, even if they are polite to you.

1) They’re only nice when they want something

We all know the type – the person who’s all smiles and compliments when they need a favor, but otherwise, they’re nowhere to be found.

This is a classic sign of a person who isn’t genuinely nice.

Sure, they might shower you with kindness when they need something from you, but as soon as their needs are met, their true colors start to show.

Genuinely nice people are consistently kind and considerate, regardless of whether they need something or not. 

2) They talk negatively about others

I remember a colleague I once had. Let’s call him Mark. Mark was always friendly towards me, always had a smile on his face, and was generally pleasant to be around.

But, there was one thing about Mark that bothered me.

Whenever we were alone, he would start talking about our other colleagues in a negative light.

Gossiping and putting others down seemed to be his favorite pastime. He would say things like, “Did you see what Sarah wore today? So unprofessional.” or “John’s presentation was a disaster, don’t you think?”

At first, I brushed it off.

But over time, I realized that if Mark was saying these things about other people to me, he was probably saying similar things about me to others.

3) They’re always the victim

It’s a universal truth that life doesn’t always go as planned.

But if you encounter someone who seems to always be at the receiving end of life’s injustices, you might want to take a closer look.

People who consistently portray themselves as victims are often not as innocent as they seem.

This victim mentality is a psychological term that describes a type of dysfunctional thinking where people believe they are the victims of the actions of others, even in the absence of clear evidence.

This type of person has a knack for twisting circumstances, placing blame on others and avoiding personal responsibility for their actions.

They use their perceived victimhood as a manipulation tactic to gain sympathy and attention.

If someone is always playing the victim, even when they’re nice to you, it could be a sign that they’re not truly a nice person.

4) They rarely show gratitude

Have you ever noticed how some people find it hard to say a simple ‘thank you’? This isn’t just about good manners, it’s a telltale sign of their character.

Genuine appreciation is a fundamental trait of nice people. They acknowledge the efforts of others and express their gratitude sincerely.

They understand that everyone values recognition and they’re quick to provide it.

On the flip side, if someone consistently fails to show appreciation, it might be a sign that they take others for granted.

They might see acts of kindness as something they’re entitled to, rather than a gesture to be grateful for.

5) They constantly interrupt

We all have moments of excitement where we can’t wait to share our thoughts.

But, there’s a difference between occasional interruptions and a habitual disregard for others’ input.

Consistently interrupting others is a sign of disrespect.

It sends the message that what the other person is saying is less important than what the interrupter has to say. It’s a subtle way of asserting dominance and dismissing the value of others’ opinions.

Genuinely nice people respect the views of others and give them space to express their thoughts.

They understand that good communication is as much about listening as it is about speaking.

6) They’re dismissive of your feelings

Nothing hurts quite like having your feelings dismissed or invalidated. It’s a painful experience, one that leaves you feeling misunderstood and alone.

A person who is truly nice will validate your feelings, even if they don’t fully understand them.

They’ll acknowledge your emotions and offer comfort, not because they have to, but because they genuinely care.

However, if someone consistently dismisses your feelings, it might be an indication that they lack empathy and compassion.

They may be nice to you on the surface, but their inability to respect your emotions speaks volumes about their character.

Everyone deserves to have their feelings acknowledged.

If someone is dismissive of your feelings, it’s a clear sign they’re not as nice as they appear.

7) They can’t apologize sincerely

I’ve had my share of mistakes and I’ve learned that saying ‘sorry’ is more than just a word.

It’s an admission of error, a request for forgiveness, and a commitment to do better.

But some people find it difficult to apologize sincerely. When they do, it often comes with a ‘but’ or a justification that shifts the blame away from them.

This failure to apologize sincerely is a sign of a lack of emotional maturity and accountability.

A truly nice person knows when they’ve made a mistake and owns up to it without making excuses.

So, if someone can’t apologize sincerely, even if they’re nice to you, it’s a strong indication they may not be as nice as they seem.

8) They’re always right

We’ve all come across those people who just can’t accept being wrong. No matter the context or the situation, they always have to be right.

This is more than just an annoying trait. It’s a red flag that signals a lack of humility and an inability to accept mistakes or flaws.

These people often disregard other people’s perspectives, insisting that their way is the only correct way.

Genuinely nice people realize that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes.

They’re open to different perspectives and aren’t afraid to admit when they’re wrong.

9) They lack empathy

Without a doubt, the cornerstone of being a genuinely nice person is empathy.

It’s the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s what allows us to connect with people on a deeper level and to show kindness and compassion.

If someone lacks empathy, it’s a clear sign they’re not genuinely nice.

They might be nice to you on the surface, but their inability to empathize with others demonstrates a significant lack in their character.

Being nice is more than just being pleasant to be around.

It’s about understanding, caring, and respecting others. Without empathy, true niceness simply doesn’t exist.

Final thoughts