There’s quite a distinction between someone who seems nice and someone who truly is.

This difference often lies in the subtleties of behavior.

People who aren’t genuinely nice often reveal themselves through telling signs – if you know what to look for.

According to psychology, these signs are proven indicators of a person’s true nature.

Here are some telltale signs that can help you discern if someone isn’t as nice as they first appear. Knowing this could save you from unnecessary heartaches and headaches.

So, let’s dive into it.

1) Inconsistent behavior

Not everyone is consistent all the time, but it’s a different story when inconsistency is a pattern.

Psychology tells us that inconsistency in a person’s behavior can be a sign they aren’t as nice as they seem.

The inconsistency could be between what they say and what they do, or how they behave towards different people or in different situations.

It might be as simple as being nice one moment and rude the next, or being kind to you but mean to others.

This can create confusion and discomfort, and it’s often a tactic used to manipulate and control.

So, if you notice someone’s behavior doesn’t align with their words, or they show drastically different sides of themselves, beware. It might be an indication that they’re not the nice person they present themselves to be.

But remember, it’s important to differentiate between occasional inconsistencies (we’re all human after all) and consistent, recurring patterns.

The latter is what you should watch out for.

2) Lack of empathy

One of the most telling signs of a person who isn’t very nice is a lack of empathy.

This lack of empathy is something I’ve personally experienced.

I once had a friend who never seemed to show any concern for other people’s feelings.

If someone was going through a tough time, she would often dismiss their problems or even make light of their situation.

It was as if she lacked the capability to empathize with what they were going through.

Over time, this lack of empathy shone a light on her true character. It wasn’t that she was inherently malicious, but her inability to empathize made her come off as indifferent and uncaring – certainly not traits of a nice person.

3) They’re prone to gossip

Gossiping might seem like a harmless pastime for some, but it can actually be a red flag when assessing someone’s character.

People who gossip excessively demonstrate a lack of respect for others’ privacy.

And interestingly, research suggests that people who gossip more have higher levels of aggression.

This shows that gossip can be damaging and hurtful. It’s one thing to share information, but it’s another to spread rumors or talk about someone behind their back without their knowledge.

So if you find someone always eager to share the latest gossip or quick to pass judgement on others, take a step back. It might be a sign that they aren’t as nice as they appear.

4) They’re quick to blame others

It’s natural for people to make mistakes.

However, a person who is genuinely nice will recognize their mistakes and take responsibility for them. They’ll apologize if they’ve wronged someone, and will make an effort to correct their actions.

On the other hand, a person who constantly blames others for their own mistakes is not showing respect or fairness. This is a clear sign that they may not be as nice as they want you to believe.

This means that those who consistently avoid taking responsibility for their actions and instead blame others might be showing signs of a defensive and manipulative character.

5) They’re dismissive of others’ feelings

Dismissing others’ feelings is a clear sign that someone isn’t as nice as they initially appear.

Genuinely nice people try to understand where others are coming from, even if they can’t relate directly to their experiences. They validate other people’s feelings and show empathy.

However, those who dismiss or belittle the feelings of others are demonstrating a lack of empathy and understanding. This type of behavior can make others feel invalidated and insignificant.

So, if you find someone constantly shrugging off your feelings or those of others as unimportant or trivial, it’s a strong indication that they may not be the nice person you thought they were.

6) They rarely show gratitude

Gratitude is a quality that truly nice people naturally express. They acknowledge and appreciate the efforts and kindness of others.

But when someone rarely shows gratitude, it can be a sign they aren’t as nice as they seem.

I’ve seen this in action.

I recall a colleague who never seemed to appreciate the effort others put into their work. No matter how much time or energy someone spent helping her, she never expressed appreciation.

Over time, this lack of gratitude not only hurt those around her but also isolated her. People felt unappreciated and started to distance themselves from her.

Someone who takes others’ kindness for granted without showing gratitude is someone whose niceness might just be a facade.

Remember, a simple “thank you” can make a world of difference.

7) They constantly criticize others

Criticism, when constructive, can be beneficial.

But when someone is constantly criticizing others without any positive intent, it’s a sign they’re not a very nice person.

I remember dealing with such a person in my life. No matter what I did or how hard I tried, it never seemed to be enough for them. They always found something to criticize – my choices, my work, even my aspirations.

This constant criticism wore me down over time and affected my self-esteem. I realized that this wasn’t about me not being good enough, but about them and their need to belittle others to feel superior.

Because genuine nice people uplift others, not bring them down.

8) They make fun of others

Making fun of others for a laugh or to belittle them is another sign that someone may not be as nice as they portray.

Teasing and mockery can often hurt people, even if it’s disguised as “just a joke.”

A person who frequently mocks or ridicules others is showing a lack of respect and understanding.

Genuinely nice people make others feel good about themselves. They don’t resort to making fun of others to get a laugh or to make themselves feel superior.

9) They lack remorse

Perhaps the most telling sign that someone isn’t a very nice person is a lack of remorse for their wrongdoings.

If a person can hurt others without feeling any guilt or regret, it’s a clear indication that they lack empathy.

And empathy is a core trait of being a genuinely nice person.

A person who doesn’t feel remorse for their actions is likely to repeat them, causing harm to others without any concern.

Final thoughts

At the heart of all these signs that someone isn’t a very nice person lies a fundamental principle – respect.

Respect for others, their feelings, their experiences, and their worth as human beings. When a person lacks this respect, it manifests itself in various ways, many of which we’ve discussed in this article.

This shift in perspective from trying to change others to understanding and accepting them is at the core of being a genuinely nice person.

Let’s strive to be the kind of people who offer that and seek out those who do the same.