Whenever I think about growing older, I like to look at the fearless women who have come before me.

Now, that might mean women in my own family—like my late, tenacious grandmother who was the true matriarch of the family. Or, it might even mean pioneering artists such as Frida Kahlo, Maya Angelou, and Agnès Varda.

Many of you might not be familiar with the work of Varda, but you should be!

She was a revolutionary Belgian filmmaker who worked well through her eighties. I often reflect on her wisdom on the concept of aging as a woman, and the unique, honest insights she brought to this area of analysis.

Varda once said: “Aging for me is not a condition but a subject.”

And she was right. There are plenty of people who treat aging as a sad inevitability, rather than what it really is: a subject to dive into—or a precious opportunity.

Of course, one of the silver linings of growing older is retirement. Seriously, who doesn’t love the thought of moving on into a more easygoing, expansive chapter of life?

If the opposite is true, and you know someone—possibly a family member—who may not be enjoying their retirement and all that it may bring, I have some psychology-backed signs to keep an eye out for.

Let’s begin with one I’ve seen time and time again: meddling!

1) They are meddling, or interfering, with your personal life

Is the retired person in your life a parent?

If so, you might have noticed that their period of retirement has brought out some, er, interesting traits that might have been lying dormant before they headed into retirement.

Many psychologists agree that the bond we share with our parents can be strained as they get older.

“Older adults’ relationships with their children are often a source of reciprocal emotional and instrumental support, but also of strain,” said researchers on an Israeli study into elderly parents and their relationship with their adult children.

And some of this emotional strain can arrive in the form of meddling. 

Now, this might take the often irritating form of relentless questions about your work, friends, and even your intimate life. Sounds pretty intense, huh? 

If this also sounds familiar to you, fortunately, I do have a simple explanation for this. 

With retirement can often come the absence of a structured routine, and with this, some people might really struggle.

Their former sense of purpose has clocked off, and now they’re looking for a new one.

Next, they become curious for issues to solve, perhaps even challenges to overcome. 

If they aren’t funneling this into anything productive, their energies might be redirected onto your personal life—and that’s where the trouble begins!

Take it from me. When your parent, or other older loved one, starts becoming excessively nosey with you—try not to take it too harshly.

Because it might just be a sign of their impending retirement dissatisfaction. 

You may like to take a moment to ever-so-gently steer them toward new interests, hobbies, or perhaps a part-time gig that re-introduces that sense of much-needed purpose back into their lives.

2) They watch copious amounts of television and movies

A study in the Journal of Geriatric Mental Health examined the increase of binge-watching in the elderly, a phenomenon researchers note was previously “unexplored.”

But what exactly is considered a binge? Well, research puts it at any more than two episodes of a television show in a single sitting.

This quantification might sound a little extreme (especially if the episodes are only short in length) so it is important to use discretion with this aspect.

I won’t lie to you… I enjoy a good binge-watch from time to time. But what I’m looking at here is when the TV watching becomes a big chunk of a person’s day or night.

Researchers in this study expanded on binge-watching in the older population, saying:

“As increasing age is associated with various psychosocial factors including loneliness and sedentary life, these may make them more vulnerable to problematic technology use and binge‑watching.”

That’s right: becoming a couch potato is no joke.

So, if you have noticed that retired person using each episode to avoid confronting the unfulfillment they have experienced in their retired life, it might be time to step in.

After all, retirement ought to be about embracing one’s hard-earned freedom. 

It’s the time to explore, discover new hobbies, and maybe finally pick up that new skill or language.

It’s not a time to hide behind a screen, or live vicariously through fictional characters or plotlines.

3) They are relying on unhealthy vices like drinking or drugs

As I said before, retirement is a well-deserved conclusion after years of hard work. But for some of us, it can be overshadowed by feelings of dissatisfaction.

Addiction, or dependency, can be a surefire sign of that struggle.

Of course, we’re not just chatting about the occasional cocktail or smoke, we’re looking at potential addiction—be it a discreet dependence or a full-blown affair.

A study in the Journal of Addictive Behaviors explored the prevalence of addiction in retired people.

“Retirement has been hypothesized as a contributing factor in the onset and maintenance of unhealthy drinking in late life,” said researchers.

In other words, when substances become an emotional crutch, it’s a clear sign that the golden years aren’t as golden as expected.

So, if someone close is drowning their sorrows or seeking numbness in substances, it can be a cry for help, a plea to address the underlying issues retirement may have brought to light after years of being able to squash them down.

4) They overly miss their job and career 

There is a unique kind of retirement dissatisfaction that can be traced back to the perceived loss of purpose, routine, or structure.

For some, years of hard work and career building wasn’t simply a means to pay the bills.

It was more than that. It was their life’s purpose.

A study in the journal Psychological Science explored the “negative association between retirement and sense of purpose in life” and implied that “retirement could lead people to feel aimless and lost.”

For some, without the guiding force of a career, a void looms over them.

It’s this distinctive emptiness that even the most sun-filled holiday or rewarding hobby can’t plug.

It’s the wistfulness, that lingering nostalgia for the hustle and bustle of their career, the yearning for the spotlight of professional relevance.

The sense of purpose that was once wrapped up in promotions, networking, and professional recognition is gone.

Fortunately, it’s not all doom and gloom!

On the brighter side, the same study also found that while people might feel “aimless” in retirement, suggest that retirement may conversely offer “an opportunity to experience a renewed sense of purpose” particularly if a person has retired from “dissatisfying jobs.”

5) They are frivolously spending money on holidays they cannot afford

Let’s just say it. Sometimes, what we all need is a well-earned break! 

And more often than not, this comes in the form of a holiday in the sun, or a trip to a cozy ski lodge.

But there is such a thing as balance.

If someone is spending excessively on holidays they can’t afford, it might be a sign they are secretly battling with unhappiness in their retirement. 

Interesting new research by Kansas State University found that overspending can be linked to lower satisfaction in retirement.

The study concluded that “poor economic expectations, risky behavior, and retirement life expectancy were found to be strong positive predictors of overspending.”

As retirement is often viewed as a period of relaxation and exploration, all world cruises and escorted holidays to India’s waterways, overspending on vacations might seem unproblematic at first.

But look closer, and you will likely find it’s a hint towards a bigger issue. 

Essentially, using savings earmarked for another few decades of financial maintenance, to fund lavish holidays abroad is not a sustainable pattern.

Sure, it might just bring a bit of temporary joy, but it lays the groundwork for future financial strain.

As some of us well know, retirement is one of those things that isn’t a sprint, but a marathon. 

Those who find happiness in their twilight years approach spending with a strategic mindset. 

They plan meticulously, budget wisely, and ensure that each expenditure aligns with their long-term goals.

6) They often express their regrets

Know somebody who might be stuck in the nostalgia loop? 

Well, this might be a signal that they aren’t exactly thrilled with this new chapter of their life.

Constantly taking a trip down memory lane can be a major red flag for retirement woes as it means a person is fixated on the road already traveled. They are dwelling in a past reality.

The psychology backs it up. A study in the Canadian Journal of Counseling and Psychotherapy conducted compelling research on the psychological effects of moving into retirement.

“Those retirees who engage in nostalgia and long for the days of their youth can avoid the challenge of life in the present,” researchers said.

“Other retirees may regret lost opportunities from the past,” researchers continued.

Nostalgia is where we relive the golden moments of the past, right? 

But turn it up a notch, and it can be a little toxic as it can fully overshadow the joy of the present day, as well as what it should be about: looking to the future!

Sure, we all have regrets—no matter our age—but when regret becomes the overarching theme in retirement, it can really, really drag a person down.

I’m not close to retirement age yet, but I would like to think that when I arrive, I will see my retirement as a rare chance to write new stories, not just reminisce on all the old ones.