You might think that confidence is loud. You might think that the most visible person in the room is the most confident one simply because they willingly put themselves in the spotlight.

But confidence is actually much more complicated than that.

In fact, plenty of people are much more confident than they look. And similarly, many of us are loud just because we’re trying to cover up our insecurities.

So, how can you tell that someone’s confidence levels are much higher than anticipated?

Here are the 7 signs to watch out for.

1) They listen more often than they talk

A person who’s quiet isn’t necessarily shy. Oftentimes, they just prefer not to waste words – they’d much rather hear out what you have to say than ramble on about something inconsequential.

It may not seem obvious, but many people who make for excellent listeners are actually the most confident of us all.

Why?

Because when you’re comfortable in your own skin and satisfied with who you are, you’re not going to go out of your way to seek validation from others.

On the contrary, you’ll take an interest in what other people’s experiences are like because you’ll look for conversations and connections that enrich you and help you understand the world a little bit better rather than those who just confirm and validate your own beliefs and opinions.

According to psychology, only 10% of people listen effectively. More often than not, we’re just waiting for our turn so that we can offload whatever it is that’s weighing on our chest without properly acknowledging what the other person has said.

A genuinely confident person is someone who is able to be in the present moment, listen with intention, and care about others’ perspectives and feelings.

2) They have a calm energy about them

Have you ever met someone who just wouldn’t let anything rattle them?

Lost a wallet? Oh well. Time to call the bank.

Got insulted by a random man in a pub? Poor guy, he’s probably wretchedly unhappy.

Got a lot on at the moment? Just take it step by step.

While they don’t necessarily have it together 100% of the time, they mostly get by just fine. There’s just something insanely calm about them. They’re a bit like a wall – everything negative you throw at it just bounces back. It is only the positive things that stick.

What you’re dealing with here is someone with excellent emotional self-regulation, which is a vital aspect of high emotional intelligence (which in turn tends to boost confidence).

It’s not that they never get angry. It’s that they know how to recognize, embrace, and process their anger.

It’s not that they don’t judge or feel hurt by the person who insulted them. It’s that they ultimately choose to be in sync with their higher self and let go of their wounded ego.

People like this are inherently more confident than they look because they live in symbiosis with their emotions, which allows them to navigate the world with ease and an inner sense of peace.

3) They aren’t afraid to change their mind and admit they were wrong

If you stubbornly cling to your opinion, you may come across as determined, but not necessarily confident.

And that’s because true confidence – the kind that is rooted in self-love rather than the urge to hide one’s insecurities behind a mask – is paired up with a healthy degree of humility.

Yes, that’s right. Humility.

As psychologists say, “Confidence and humility need each other.”

According to Character Lab, “We’re learning that you need a certain amount of self-esteem to be humble—you need to have some basic belief in your capacity to give voice to your own questions or confusion. At the same time, confidence needs intellectual humility or else it becomes miscalibrated, it becomes foolish. Confidence and intellectual humility fit together.”

When someone cannot seem to let go of their opinion even when faced with evidence to the contrary, their stubbornness signals they are everything but confident.

And that’s because they are obviously so terrified of having to admit a mistake that they’d rather dig their heels in and continue being wrong.

Vulnerability and humility are brave. And that’s why they are signs of genuine confidence.

4) They cheer for others and let them steal the spotlight

Here’s a foolproof method to recognize whether someone’s truly self-assured or not: share an exciting accomplishment with them and see how they react.

If they get excited for you and celebrate you like the rockstar you are, it’s yet another sign they’re more confident than they look.

And that’s because they don’t succumb to envy or resentment when others are doing well or even better than them.

No, they love themselves enough to be at peace with where they are in life, which means that they literally have no reason to accept excellent news with a grudge or bitterness.

What’s more, they are so confident that they don’t always need to be the center of attention – they’d rather you enjoy it for yourself.

This isn’t to say they don’t steal the spotlight sometimes. When it matters to them, they go after their goals and celebrate their accomplishments just as much as they celebrate yours.

They just don’t obsessively cling to other people’s admiration and attention.

5) They ask for help when need be

Hyper-independence is another quality that is commonly mistaken for confidence.

Unfortunately, it is mostly a coping mechanism used by people who carry deep wounds from the past – through bad experience, they’ve learned that the only person they can rely on is themselves, and so they always try to manage on their own (even if they could really use a helping hand).

What’s more, many people refuse to ask for or accept help because they don’t want to “burden” others, which comes from a place of insecurity and people-pleasing, both of which aren’t exactly confident.

As clinical psychologist Lisa Firestone Ph.D. says, “Learning to accept help requires, among other things, the willingness to drop the idea that one is a ‘burden’ if they do. Accepting help and generosity can bring out a caring response in others and lead to deeper emotional closeness.”

A truly confident person isn’t afraid to ask for or accept help because they know that there is nothing wrong with leaning on others in times of need.

6) They have a beginner’s mindset

If you have pretty low self-esteem, you’re going to view every mistake as something that could potentially embarrass or undermine you.

If you’re comfortable with who you are, though, you’re much less likely to overthink and doubt whatever it is that you’re doing – even if you’re not exactly great at it.

If you don’t feel embarrassed, how can something be embarrassing?

Exactly.

Many people who are more confident than they look constantly try out new things, sharpen their skills, and pick up new hobbies, from crocheting to rock climbing or singing.

What’s more, they have a beginner’s mindset while they’re at it.

Annalisa Enrile, Ph.D. explains it thus: “A beginner’s mindset is a concept from Zen Buddhism and is an attitude of being open and curious, enthusiastic about learning new things and trying to let go of assumptions and preconceptions.”

She adds, “Not only are we open to new things, but research also finds that there is a connection between openness, self-efficacy (believing we can do something), self-awareness, and change.”

Self-efficacy is the key word here. Openness and curiosity are linked to believing you can do something, which, of course, influences your confidence levels.

7) They don’t seek conflict but they also don’t run from it

Finally, a confident person isn’t going to go out of their way to pick fights and get into arguments. They don’t see any reason to do so.

However, they also won’t avoid having difficult conversations. They won’t let other people walk all over them. And they won’t have their boundaries pushed or crossed.

If you want to find out whether someone’s truly self-assured, consider how assertive they are.

Do they establish clear boundaries and restate them when they’re pushed?

Do they know how to say “no” in a respectful yet firm manner?

Do they effectively communicate their feelings and talk through issues?

Do they stand up for themselves and what they believe in but also take other people’s perspectives into consideration?

If your answer to these questions is “yes,” it’s the final sign you’re dealing with someone who’s more confident than they look.