Resentment can be a silent saboteur in relationships, whether they’re personal or professional.

Often, people harbour resentment but hide it well, making it tricky to spot.

However, there are telltale signs that someone is resentful towards you, even if they’re covering it up expertly.

In this piece, I’ll share with you 9 signs that indicate someone might be harboring resentment towards you, all while hiding it well. 

The goal is to be aware of these signs and take appropriate action before things escalate.

1) Sudden changes in behavior

Humans are creatures of habit.

We have certain patterns we follow daily, and behaviors that we consistently display.

When someone starts acting differently around you, it can be an indication that something’s off.

And often, resentment is the culprit.

Resentful people might become short-tempered, distant, or overly critical.

They might start avoiding you or withhold information that they’d usually share.

While it’s important not to jump to conclusions, sudden behavioral changes shouldn’t be ignored.

They’re often a window into deeper feelings that a person might be struggling to express.

2) Passive-aggressive comments

A hallmark of hidden resentment is passive-aggressiveness.

It’s a way people express their negative feelings indirectly.

I remember a time when I was working on a team project.

One of my teammates, let’s call him John, was upset because he felt I was taking more credit than I deserved.

However, instead of addressing the issue directly, he started making sarcastic remarks during our meetings.

“Sure, let’s do it your way. After all, you’re the star of the team,” he would say.

At first, it seemed like harmless banter.

But as it continued, I realized that John was expressing his resentment through these passive-aggressive comments.

If you find someone frequently making sarcastic or subtly negative comments towards you, it might be a sign that they are resentful but are trying to hide it.

It’s crucial to address these issues directly and openly to prevent resentment from festering.

3) Unexplained coldness or aloofness

Resentment often surfaces as a sense of detachment in relationships.

This is because humans are wired to withdraw from situations or individuals they perceive as unpleasant.

Studies in psychology have shown that our brain’s anterior insula, a region linked to processing negative emotions, becomes more active when we interact with people we feel uncomfortable around.

This biological reaction might cause resentful individuals to appear distant or unapproachable, even if they’re trying to conceal their feelings.

So, if you notice someone suddenly becoming distant or aloof, it could indicate they’re harboring hidden resentment.  

4) Avoidance or exclusion

One clear indicator of resentment is when someone begins to avoid or exclude you from activities or conversations.

These actions can range from subtle gestures like leaving the room when you enter to more direct ones like excluding you from social gatherings.

It’s their method of creating space and shielding themselves from potential confrontation or discomfort.

Spotting this behavior can be trickier in professional environments where interactions tend to be structured and formal.

However, with careful observation, you can still notice these patterns.

5) Frequent criticism

Criticism is a part of life. We all face it at some point, and it can often help us grow.

But when someone starts criticizing you frequently or for seemingly insignificant matters, it could be a sign of resentment.

Resentful people may use criticism as a tool to vent their feelings.

They might pick on your faults or mistakes, even if they are minor, and blow them out of proportion.

This pattern of constant criticism can be demoralizing and difficult to navigate.

But recognizing it as a possible sign of hidden resentment can help you address the issue more effectively.

6) Lack of genuine joy in your successes

Nothing beats the feeling of reaching a milestone or achieving a goal, and it becomes even more special when shared with friends, family, or colleagues.

But sometimes, you might notice that someone doesn’t share your joy.

They might offer a half-hearted congratulations or even appear indifferent to your achievements.

This lack of genuine joy can be a sign of hidden resentment.

It’s as if your success triggers their feelings of discontent or inadequacy, making it hard for them to be genuinely happy for you.

7) They rarely initiate contact

Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship.

In my experience, I’ve found that when someone starts to resent you, they might stop initiating contact as frequently as they used to.

I recall a time when a close friend of mine started becoming increasingly distant.

Our regular catch-up sessions started becoming less frequent, and I was always the one reaching out.

It felt like I was the only one investing in our relationship.

After a heart-to-heart conversation, I discovered that my friend had been harboring resentment over a misunderstanding that had occurred months ago.

The decrease in communication was a sign of this hidden resentment.

8) Overcompensating niceness

It may seem contradictory, but individuals harboring resentment might sometimes go to great lengths to appear overly nice.

This behavior serves as a disguise for their true feelings.

By showering you with excessive kindness or generosity, they aim to sidestep any potential conflict and keep their resentment concealed.

However, this forced amiability often comes across as disingenuous and can leave you feeling uneasy, as if there’s something lurking beneath the surface.

As always, addressing the situation with empathy and open communication is crucial.

9) They seem to hold grudges

Resentful people often find it hard to let go of past mistakes or misunderstandings.

If someone keeps bringing up old incidents, especially ones where they felt wronged, it’s a clear sign they’re holding onto resentment.

They might not express their feelings directly, but their inability to move past these incidents speaks volumes.

Grudge-holding can be damaging for both parties involved, and it’s crucial to address these feelings directly.

Open, honest conversation can help to resolve resentment and allow both parties to move forward.

Concluding thoughts: It’s all about empathy

Understanding these signs isn’t about constantly scanning for negative cues or becoming overly suspicious of others.

It’s about nurturing empathy and gaining a deeper insight into human behavior.

Empathy allows us to peer beyond surface-level actions and reactions, recognizing that beneath avoidance, criticism, or passive-aggressiveness lie feelings of hurt, disappointment, or resentment.

Identifying these signs isn’t the end goal; it’s the starting point for meaningful dialogue, bridging divides, healing wounds, and ultimately fostering healthier relationships.

Resentment isn’t a life sentence—it’s a signal for change.

And change commences with understanding, empathy, and candid communication.