9 signs someone is highly intelligent but insecure, according to psychology

Amy Reed by Amy Reed | October 4, 2024, 3:29 pm

You’d think that smart people have it all, but this isn’t true.

Even Hollywood doesn’t portray it this way – and they make everything seem perfect! It’s always the smart kid in the movies who’s bullied for being themselves.

That’s because intelligent people have a rough time fitting in – especially at a young age. Which is why and how they can end up being a little insecure about their personality.

So if you feel like this, it really isn’t your fault. But to work on it, you need to recognize what you’re doing and why it’s bad.

Check out these 9 signs someone is highly intelligent but insecure, backed by psychology.

1) They ask for reassurance often

“Am I in the wrong here?”

“Is there something I’m missing?”

“I’m right, aren’t I?”

If you’ve ever asked any of the questions above, you’re seeking reassurance.

There’s nothing wrong with that. We all do it and we all need to do it sometimes – no matter how confident and secure you are in yourself!

But the thing is, people with insecurity issues do this a whole lot more than they should. Usually, they know they do it, too.

Because they don’t have confidence in themselves, they feel like they need a second opinion on most things they do. Otherwise, they panic that they’re in the wrong or being completely unfair.

And honestly, this behavior is completely justified. When you’re smart, you know there are two sides to every story. You know the world is so much bigger than you’re aware of – and you can’t possibly know everything!

It’s like the saying goes, “Everything is more than it seems, but nothing is as mysterious as it appears to be”.

2) They doubt themselves

Have you ever been at the airport about to walk through “Nothing to Declare” and you suddenly think to yourself, “Do I have anything to declare?”. You panic and have to actually convince yourself that you don’t have something totally illegal in your bag!

Well, that’s kind of what intelligent people who are insecure do all the time.

If they’re at a pub quiz and they’re 100% certain they know the answer, instead of speaking up about it, they don’t. They doubt whether they really know if the film is called Harry Potter or if it’s actually called Harry Plotter.

If they’re in a meeting at work, they’ll convince themselves that there weren’t really 5,000 orders. It might be some other number and they’re just remembering it wrong.

Basically, they doubt themselves so much that it becomes a hindrance, and they don’t really have a good reason for it.

3) They downplay how smart they are

Another thing you might do when you’re intelligent but insecure is downplay your intelligence.

When you’re not insecure, you might do this intentionally as a strategy. Like if you wanted to protect someone or win someone’s favor.

But when you are insecure, you’ll do it for different reasons.

You might do it so the person still likes you. Like if a colleague told you something you already know. You think if you tell them you knew, they’d be upset about it and wouldn’t like you anymore.

So you say, “Oh wow, really? How interesting!”. Instead of engaging in what could have been an interesting discussion about something you both know of…

Or you might do it out of fear of what the other person might think of you. Say you’re at school and someone mentions Harry Potter. If you say you like HP, you worry that they might turn on you, call you a nerd, or even stop being friends with you!

So you downplay your intelligence and act dumber than you are…

4) They think they’re different (and not in a good way)

Have you ever thought to yourself that you aren’t like everyone else? That you seem to do or think differently from every one of your friends?

Well, this is a common trait of intelligent people. Smart people often feel a little isolated in life. They feel like no one really knows them and like they have to change themselves to fit in.

This usually comes from being ostracised for their views or opinions from a young age.

Like if they said something intelligent in school, a classmate might have called them “weird” or stupid for it. Even their own family might’ve had something to say about the interests they had as a kid.

So they’ve grown up thinking they’re different – and not in a good way. This is why and how they might struggle with their inner confidence as they get older.

5) They struggle to socialize in big crowds

Just because you’re intelligent, that doesn’t automatically mean you’re emotionally mature. But it can do. And when it does, you might really struggle to socialize in large groups of people.

Why? It’s all because of how emotionally intelligent you are. When you have high EQ (emotional intelligence), you see and observe everything.

You pick up on whether Stacy looks a little moody today. And you can see when Trevor and Trish make eye contact across the room every time Stacy speaks.

Basically, you can see everyone silently judging everyone.

When you’re a little insecure, this makes you feel pretty on edge in a crowd. Instead of thinking that you’ll just be yourself, and who likes you likes you and who doesn’t, doesn’t, you worry about it.

And you get a little nervous/socially anxious whenever you have to do anything in a big group.

Which is also why…

6) They rarely speak up

Say you’re in a meeting and everyone is discussing Harry Potter. One person loves Harry Potter. They know everything there is to know about Harry Potter!

But they stay absolutely quiet throughout the entire discussion. This isn’t because they’re a fraud and they actually don’t know anything about HP.

It’s because they don’t have the confidence to speak up in a meeting, no matter how well-versed they are in the subject matter.

7) They have imposter syndrome

Are you sensing a theme here? Other than Harry Potter, of course (if you haven’t cottoned on, I’ve mentioned it three times already!).

The theme is that intelligent people with insecurity issues don’t really believe in themselves. They don’t think they’re as smart as they really are. They also don’t think they’re “good enough” to do a lot of the things they do.

When you’re smart, other people can usually spot it very easily. It’s why the teacher might call on you a lot in class. Or why your boss tells you to go for the promotion over anyone else.

But you can’t see why people keep trusting you with all these responsibilities. You can’t understand why the teacher always wants to hear your views over anyone else’s.

This is imposter syndrome. And it’s a well-known trait of someone who’s smart but a little insecure.

8) They’re hyper-aware of their flaws

Being intelligent isn’t just about being book smart. It’s about being self-aware, self-challenging, and emotionally intelligent.

Which is how smart people become so aware of their flaws. Their ability to reflect on their thoughts, opinions, and behaviors makes them very aware of their best and worst traits.

Now I think it’s safe to say that we’re all a little insecure about our flaws. We’re all human, after all. But when you’re intelligent and insecure, you aren’t just aware of your flaws – you kind of obsess over them.

Perfection is something you crave and you’re never satisfied with who you are and how you act.

While it’s good to always be developing yourself, there’s a difference between bettering yourself and putting yourself down.

9) They’re a bit closed off

Another thing you’ll notice about someone who’s intelligent but insecure is how closed off they are. They rarely ever let themselves be vulnerable, and you hardly ever hear them talk about their emotions.

Basically, they don’t like to let anyone get too close. If they do, they have a ton of walls up that are hard to break down!

This is usually because of how different they feel. Remember when I said that intelligent people sometimes have a hard time being understood growing up?

Well, this is what can cause them to go into their shell and never come out.

Which is sad, but it’s kind of how some intelligent people have learned to take care of themselves and stop themselves from overthinking.

Final thoughts

If you recognize these traits in yourself, I think you already know what that means. You’re highly intelligent, that’s for sure. But you’re also a teeny tiny bit insecure in yourself.

While I get it, it’s hard to have confidence in yourself when you know how it can come across, you need to cut yourself some slack!

We all make mistakes, and we all have flaws. If someone doesn’t like you for who you are or what you know, then so be it!

I know it isn’t possible to build your confidence overnight. But if you start working on these things and slowly improving your self-esteem, life really will feel so much better.

Because if anyone deserves to feel good about themselves, it’s you. And the sooner you start believing that, the better!