It’s one thing to care about your own needs, but when someone starts crossing lines, it often means they’re selfish.

Finding this out isn’t always easy as we can mistake selfishness for strength, or confuse it with independence.

Psychology, however, breaks it down for us in simple terms, suggesting there are certain behaviors that clearly indicate a selfish individual.

Let’s delve into some of these selfishness signs. Here are nine cues you should look out for according to psychology. 

1) They’re always the priority

Sure, we all have moments where we prioritize ourselves. It’s human nature.

However, when someone is consistently putting their needs and wants above everyone else’s, it’s a clear sign of selfishness.

A key characteristic of a selfish person is their inability to empathize with others. They simply can’t step out of their own shoes and see things from another person’s perspective.

This can manifest as:

• Always wanting to get their way
• Being unwilling to compromise
• Taking more than their fair share

It’s all about them, all the time.

So be cautious of those who are constantly putting themselves first without a second thought to how it may affect others. 

While it’s important to take care of oneself, consistently disregarding the needs and feelings of others is a tell-tale sign of selfishness.

2) Lack of genuine interest

I’ll never forget a friend I had in college.

We hung out a lot, shared many laughs, and had a good time.

But over time, I started noticing a strange pattern. Every time we’d catch up, the conversation always revolved around her.

I thought maybe it was just a phase, but it continued.

Whether it was about her latest relationship drama, her weekend plans, or her problems at work, she hardly ever asked about me or showed genuine interest in my life.

This lack of interest in others’ lives is a classic sign of selfishness. A selfish person will often dominate conversations and make it about them because they believe their life is more important than others’.

So the next time you’re in a conversation with someone and you notice that they’re not asking about you or showing any interest in your life, it might be a sign they’re more selfish than you initially thought.

3) Difficulty in sharing

Psychology shows us that selfishness can stem from an individual’s inability to share. This isn’t just about material possessions, but also extends to sharing time, space, and emotional support.

Children as young as three years old exhibit selfish behaviors when they have difficulty sharing their toys.

Fast forward to adulthood, and this trait can manifest as an unwillingness to share resources, be it time, money, or even a listening ear.

For instance, a person who is reluctant to give their time to help others, or one who hesitates to lend an ear to a friend in need, may be exhibiting signs of selfishness.

It’s essential to remember that giving and sharing are fundamental aspects of human interaction and empathy. When these are lacking, we might be dealing with a selfish individual.

4) Lack of empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, to put yourself in their shoes. It’s a fundamental component of emotional intelligence and an essential quality for healthy relationships.

However, those who are truly selfish often struggle with this.

They find it hard to connect with others on an emotional level because they’re primarily focused on their own feelings, needs, and experiences.

You might be dealing with a selfish person. if you notice they:

• Consistently fail to show understanding or compassion when others are struggling
• Downplay other people’s emotions while highlighting their own,

Lack of empathy isn’t just about not caring; it’s a clear sign that the person is centered on their own world and isn’t willing or able to step out of it to connect with others.

5) They rarely show gratitude

Have you ever done something nice for someone, only to be met with indifference or a lack of appreciation?

If so, you might be dealing with a selfish person.

Psychology tells us that those who are genuinely selfish often struggle with expressing gratitude.

They believe they’re entitled to the good things that happen to them or the help they receive, so they don’t see the need to express appreciation.

A lack of gratitude can be a clear sign of an individual’s selfishness, whether it’s:

• Not thanking you for a favor
• Disregarding your thoughtful gestures
• Taking your kindness for granted

Remember, a simple ‘thank you’ can go a long way in relationships. When it’s missing consistently, it might be time to reassess the relationship.

6) They hurt others to get ahead

It’s a harsh reality of life that some people are so focused on their own success that they’re willing to hurt others to get there.

In their pursuit of personal gain, they may lie, cheat, or step on others without giving it a second thought.

This behavior is often justified in their minds as the necessary price of achievement.

But at its core, it’s a profound display of selfishness.

Watching someone you care about being treated this way can be heartbreaking, and it’s important to recognize this for what it is.

People who intentionally harm others for their own benefit lack empathy and have a hard time seeing beyond their own needs and desires. 

7) They never admit they’re wrong

I once had a colleague who was incredibly talented and knowledgeable in his field.

However, he had one trait that always stood out to me – he never admitted when he was wrong.

No matter how clear the evidence was, he would always find a way to twist the narrative in his favor.

This unwillingness to admit fault is a common trait among selfish people.

They are so concerned with protecting their ego and maintaining a perfect facade that they would rather deny their mistakes than confront them.

While we all have moments of stubbornness, consistently refusing to acknowledge our errors is a sign of selfishness.

It shows a lack of respect for others’ perspectives and an inability to learn and grow from our mistakes.

8) They are controlling

Have you ever known someone who always insists on getting their way, no matter what?

They make all the decisions, dictate plans, and expect everyone to fall in line with their wishes without any consideration for others’ preferences.

This need for control is another common sign of selfishness.

Psychology explains that controlling behavior often stems from a deep-seated fear of losing control or being vulnerable.

However, in their quest to maintain control, these individuals often disregard the feelings and desires of those around them.

Remember, a healthy relationship involves compromise and respect for each other’s autonomy. If someone consistently seeks to control you or the situation, it’s a clear sign of their selfish nature.

9) They are unapologetic

A critical characteristic of a selfish person is their inability to apologize genuinely.

They may hurt someone’s feelings, act inconsiderately, or make a mistake, but they rarely say sorry.

And if they do, it’s often without sincerity or followed by an excuse that shifts the blame away from them.

This refusal to apologize is more than just stubbornness.

It’s a sign that they value their pride and self-image more than the feelings and wellbeing of others.

It’s the mark of a person who is so focused on themselves that they can’t acknowledge the impact of their actions on others. 

Final thoughts: It’s about perspective

While the signs mentioned above may point towards someone being selfish, note that they are not definitive proof.

People are complex beings with layered personalities and motivations, and their actions could be influenced by a myriad of factors.

What’s more, sometimes, what we perceive as selfishness could be someone’s way of coping with their insecurities or past traumas. The key here is empathy and open communication.

So the next time you encounter what you believe to be selfish behavior, take a moment to consider what might be going on beneath the surface.

It might not change the behavior, but it could change your understanding of it. And perhaps that understanding can lead to conversations, growth, and connections that weren’t possible before.