10 signs someone has deep feelings for you, according to psychology
Love is one of the strangest and most beautiful things there are. Seeing as it’s such a big deal, you’d think that every time someone’s in love, their deep feelings would radiate out into the world, giving them away.
However, love can often be very quiet; so quiet you barely hear it.
And that’s probably why you’re here. Someone – a friend, a colleague, or a person you started dating recently – seems to really like you.
But do they have genuine, deep feelings?
These are the 10 signs to watch out for.
1) They act silly or nervous around you
Catching feelings goes hand in hand with nervous flutters, anxiety, and the need to be playful and giggly around the object of our desire.
Therefore, nervousness is the first sign to look for if you’re wondering whether someone has deep feelings for you.
Do keep in mind, however, that nervousness in and of itself isn’t enough to conclude that the person in question can’t stop thinking about you and genuinely loves you.
According to psychologists, it can also signal sexual attraction, which is great and all, but it’s not necessarily a sign of deep love.
This is why you should also look for the following signs…
2) They are fascinated by the world inside your head
Now we’re truly getting somewhere.
Did you know that we pay more attention to the people we love and care about?
Sure, it’s kind of common sense, but there’s been an actual study that confirms it, which means that trying to figure out if someone’s in love with you has suddenly become much easier.
Try to gauge their level of interest not only in your physical appearance but in what’s going on inside your mind.
Do they ask you thoughtful questions? Do they listen intently when you give your answer? Do their eyes light up when you’re having a deep talk?
These are very obvious markers someone has feelings for you – as long as it’s paired up with many of the other signs on this list.
Similarly to the sign above, this one also can’t stand on its own because the person in question could just see you as their new best friend, after all.
3) They show concern for your well-being
Okay, this one’s a bit more romantic.
Someone who views you purely as a friend probably isn’t going to lend you their jacket while they freeze in the cold or relentlessly fuss over you when you’re ill.
When people get romantically attached, they tend to care so much for the person they love that they’d do anything to ensure their safety and happiness.
From making them delicious meals to making sure they drink enough water or giving them the bigger piece of the cake, it’s all about the little things.
4) They try to be physically close to you
Here comes another sign to watch out for: physical closeness.
When we are in love, it is essentially like getting addicted to a drug. And we can’t help but be around the object of our affection.
They may always choose a seat right next to you, hang out around your desk all the time, or join your team on all group projects.
Whatever it is, they grab onto every opportunity they can get to be in your physical presence. And once they’re close to you, they may often lean toward you, touch your arm whilst laughing, or bump your elbow in jest.
This is because deep romantic feelings usually (not always) go hand in hand with sexual attraction.
5) They give you thoughtful compliments
We’ve all received a compliment at some point or another.
“You’re so smart.”
“You’re so pretty.”
“You’re so kind.”
While compliments such as these are always nice, they aren’t exactly original. I mean, almost anyone could be smart and pretty and kind.
If someone has deep feelings for you, though, there’s a high chance they’ll come out with some of the most thoughtful and interesting compliments you’ve ever heard.
“I love the way your mind works. It goes down these rabbit holes because you’re so passionate about things, and it’s fascinating to see.”
“That face you pull when you’ve made a mistake is so adorable.”
“I really admire your determination and drive. When you set your mind on something, you go and get it done. That’s so rare.”
Wouldn’t these just make you melt?
Exactly. That’s because they come from the heart.
6) They remember the little things you tell them
If your friend views you as nothing but just that, they probably aren’t going to remember every little detail you share with them.
A person who has romantic intentions, however…
Their attention is sharp as a knife when it comes to you.
From remembering a silly childhood story you told them to having a whole catalogue of your likes and dislikes in their heads, they try their best to genuinely get to know you – and retain all the information they learn.
As John Tarrant once said, “Attention is the most basic form of love. Through it, we bless and are blessed.”
7) They create a safe space where you can open up to each other
Love thrives on vulnerability.
This is why a person who has deep feelings for someone else will attempt to create a safe space where both feel encouraged – yet not pressured – to open up and share themselves with one another.
And why is vulnerability such a great thing, I hear you ask?
Couples counsellor Kari Rusnak, MA, LPC, CMHC, explains:
“Being vulnerable creates emotional intimacy and connection. Opening yourself to your partner shows and builds trust and helps them understand you on a deeper level. A way to increase trust is to test it out, and by letting your partner in, you are giving them an opportunity to earn that trust. This can increase empathy from your partner as they get to understand you in a new way. It allows them to be there for you and meet your needs. For yourself, it can improve self-acceptance, and things that once felt vulnerable can no longer feel that way.”
Is it therefore all that surprising that someone who genuinely loves you will try their best to earn your trust and show you that they trust you back?
8) They respect your boundaries
One important way to create a sense of safety and trust in a relationship – even if it’s “only” a friendship to begin with – is to show respect for the other person’s boundaries.
If you’re not comfortable with something, they won’t push you.
If you say no, it means no.
If you state a boundary, they never try to bend it.
This is because they don’t only love you in relation to themselves; they love you as a fully-fledged and independent individual who deserves to have their wishes respected.
In other words, they love you as a complex human being, not as something they want to own or be attached to.
Thus the magic of genuine, deep love.
9) They introduce you to their inner circle
Have you ever fallen in love and felt like all you wanted was to put your new partner on display?
You were simply so proud of who they were as a person that you were buzzing with excitement when introducing them to your family and friends, right?
Well, all you’ve got to do when trying to figure out if someone has feelings for you is to flip the narrative.
Do they seem happy to welcome you into their inner circle? Do they brag about you in front of their friends, make you feel included, and invite you to meetups with their close ones?
If so, it’s yet another sign there might be something going on.
10) They make an effort to resolve all conflicts
Contrary to popular belief, conflict can actually be a good thing.
No, really.
Psychotherapist Nicholas Balaisis PhD, RP, explains:
“Part of the appeal of someone else might in fact be some of their differences. If handled well, a little friction or even conflict over opinions can add dynamism to a relationship. The key is how these are handled or if you can do conflict well.”
One of the key ways to having a productive conflict rather than a destructive one is to show a real desire to work as a team and reach a resolution.
And if someone doesn’t care enough, well… they may not be as willing to cooperate.
Therefore, this is the last sign someone has deep and genuine feelings for you – they refuse to give up on you even if you run into conflict.
Especially then.
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