9 signs someone has an emotionally draining personality, according to psychology

Ethan Sterling by Ethan Sterling | August 18, 2024, 4:46 pm

As human beings, we all crave connection, love, and mutual respect in our relationships. We long to feel valued, seen, and appreciated.

However, having a relationship with an emotionally draining person can be challenging and even damaging.

This person may often leave you feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and emotionally depleted.

Emotionally draining personalities are characterized by traits that consistently wear down your emotional energy.

This could be a friend, a family member, or a romantic partner who is excessively negative, needy, or manipulative.

Psychologists have identified several key signs that can help you recognize if someone in your life has an emotionally draining personality.

Stay tuned as we delve into these signs and learn more about how to deal with such personalities in our lives.

1) They’re constantly negative

Negativity can be subtle and creep into your life bit by bit, but before you know it, you’re surrounded by a cloud of pessimism and gloom.

You may notice that this person always has something negative to say about everything – be it your choice of restaurant, the weather, or even your new haircut.

It’s as if they have a knack for finding the worst in every situation.

They might constantly complain about their life, work, or relationships, and seem to thrive on drama and conflict.

Over time, this chronic negativity can drain your energy and affect your own outlook on life.

Every conversation with them might leave you feeling drained, stressed, or upset.

You may even start to dread interacting with them due to their persistent negativity.

This is a strong sign that you are dealing with an emotionally draining personality.

2) They’re excessively needy

Needy individuals often have a deep-seated fear of abandonment and rejection.

They tend to rely heavily on others for emotional support, validation, and comfort, which can quickly become exhausting for those around them.

You might notice that the person constantly seeks your attention and affirmation. They might:

  • Bombard you with messages or calls
  • Get upset if you don’t respond immediately
  • Expect you to be available at all times

They may also have an excessive need for reassurance and might frequently question your feelings towards them or require constant proof of your commitment.

This constant neediness can be emotionally draining, as it places a heavy burden on you to constantly provide emotional support and reassurance.

Over time, this can lead to feelings of exhaustion, frustration, and resentment.

3) They’re always the victim

At first glance, you may feel sorry for this person.

They seem to face a never-ending stream of bad luck, with one unfortunate event after another.

However, there’s a pattern here that’s hard to ignore – they never take responsibility for their actions.

You might notice that they always blame others for their misfortunes.

It could be their boss, their ex-partner, or even the weather. Somehow, they are always the innocent victim.

This refusal to take ownership and constant portrayal of themselves as the victim can be draining.

You may find yourself constantly consoling them or trying to solve their problems, only to realize that they never seem to learn from their mistakes or make any real changes.

4) They’re emotionally manipulative

This is a tough one to swallow, but some people are skilled manipulators, and they use these tactics to drain your emotional energy.

They know how to make you feel guilty for things you shouldn’t feel guilty about, and they play on your emotions to get what they want.

You might notice that they often play the victim card, or they might twist your words and actions to make you feel like you’re always in the wrong.

They may also use emotional blackmail, making statements like “If you loved me, you would…” to manipulate your feelings.

The truth is, being in a relationship with an emotionally manipulative person is exhausting.

It’s like being on an emotional roller coaster – there are highs and lows, and it’s hard to find stable ground.

It’s draining, it’s confusing, and it’s not healthy.

5) They struggle with empathy

Understanding and sharing the feelings of others is a fundamental human trait, but for some, this can be a real struggle.

When a person lacks empathy, it can make you feel unheard, unimportant, and emotionally drained.

You might notice that they rarely show genuine interest in your feelings or experiences.

They may dismiss your emotions or struggles as trivial, or they might fail to comfort you in times of need.

Remember that their struggle with empathy isn’t your fault, and it’s not something you can fix.

It’s a deep-rooted issue that they need to work on.

While it’s important to be understanding and patient, it’s equally crucial to protect your own emotional well-being.

6) They never seem to listen

We’ve all had conversations where it feels like our words are simply bouncing off the other person.

This can be especially draining when it’s a regular occurrence with someone in your life.

You might notice that they often:

  • Interrupt
  • Don’t respond appropriately
  • Quickly steer the conversation back to themselves

It may seem like they’re more interested in waiting for their turn to speak rather than genuinely listening to what you have to say.

This lack of active listening can leave you feeling unheard and undervalued, which is incredibly draining over time.

Everyone deserves to be heard and understood, and it’s okay to expect that from the people in your life.

7) They’re a constant source of drama

Life with this person can feel like you’re stuck in a never-ending soap opera.

There always seems to be some crisis, disagreement or scandal that they’re in the middle of.

You might notice that they seem to thrive on chaos and conflict, and it’s almost as if they’re not happy unless there’s some sort of drama unfolding.

While a little bit of drama can add some excitement to life, constant drama is emotionally draining and exhausting.

Remember, it’s okay to want a life that’s more “sitcom” than “soap opera”.

8) They’re resistant to change

Change is an inevitable part of life, and growth comes from our ability to adapt and evolve.

However, some people stubbornly resist change, preferring to stay in their comfort zone, no matter how toxic it might be.

You might notice that this person always finds reasons not to change, even when it’s clearly for the better.

They may stick to harmful patterns and behaviors despite the negative impact on their lives or those around them.

While it’s important to respect everyone’s pace and process, don’t let their resistance to change hold you back or drain you emotionally.

You can’t force someone to change – they have to want it for themselves.

9) They don’t respect your boundaries

Above all, respect for personal boundaries is crucial in any relationship.

However, emotionally draining personalities often have a hard time recognizing and respecting these boundaries.

You might notice that this person frequently:

  • Invades your personal space
  • Disregards your feelings
  • Insists on involving themselves in aspects of your life where they’re not welcome

Remember, your boundaries are important and should be respected.

It’s okay to distance yourself from someone who consistently crosses these boundaries and drains you emotionally.

After all, self-care is not selfish – it’s necessary.

Concluding thoughts

If you’ve recognized some of these signs in someone you know, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone.

Dealing with an emotionally draining personality can be exhausting and challenging, but it’s also an opportunity to grow and learn about your own emotional boundaries and resilience.

It’s okay to distance yourself from people who consistently drain your energy. It’s okay to prioritize your mental health and well-being.

The key is to find balance and surround yourself with positivity.

This article isn’t meant to label people but rather to raise awareness about behaviors that can be emotionally draining.

Remember, we all have flaws and we’re all a work in progress.

Finally, reflect on this: Are you thriving in your relationships? If not, it might be time for a change.

After all, life is too short to let someone else drain your joy.