12 signs of someone who is truly confident (but not arrogant)

Tina Fey by Tina Fey | September 11, 2024, 1:30 pm

Have you ever met someone who just seems to have it all together?

They’re strong and calm, yet never come off as better than anyone else. That’s real confidence. But sometimes, telling the difference between a confident person and an arrogant one can be tough.

Confidence is about believing in yourself and your abilities, respecting others along the way. Arrogance, however, is thinking you’re always the best and not caring who knows it.

So how do you recognize true confidence without a trace of arrogance?

Well, we’ll look at 12 clear signs that show someone has genuine confidence.

Are you ready to learn how to spot true confidence? Let’s get started!

1) They listen more than they speak

Confident people know the value of listening.

They don’t have to dominate every conversation or always be the one doing the talking. Instead, they are comfortable with letting others share their thoughts and ideas. They respect others and understand that everyone has something valuable to say.

By listening, they show that they are open to new ideas and willing to learn from others. This is a clear sign of confidence, not arrogance. Arrogant people, on the other hand, often interrupt others and disregard their ideas, thinking they know better.

But truly confident people listen, understand, and respect the views of others even if they don’t agree with them.

2) They’re not afraid to be wrong

Confidence doesn’t mean you always have to be right. In fact, confident people aren’t afraid to admit when they’re wrong.

They see mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow, rather than as failures.

Arrogant people, however, often can’t handle being wrong. They will defend their point of view even when it’s clear they’ve made a mistake. But truly confident people are secure enough in themselves to accept their mistakes and learn from them.

Being confident means understanding that being wrong sometimes is a part of life, and it doesn’t diminish your worth or your abilities.

3) They’re comfortable in their own skin

True confidence comes from being comfortable with who you are. Confident people don’t feel the need to pretend to be someone they’re not. They are genuine and authentic, which makes them likable and easy to be around.

For instance, when I first started my job, I was surrounded by incredibly smart and experienced people. It was intimidating, and I felt the need to prove myself.

But over time, I realized that trying to be someone I wasn’t wasn’t helping me. It was exhausting and unfulfilling.

From there, I decided to embrace who I was – strengths, weaknesses and all. I started to share my ideas openly, admit when I didn’t know something, and stop comparing myself to others. And you know what? People respected me more for it.

Arrogant people, on the other hand, often hide behind a façade, afraid that their real selves won’t be accepted. But real confidence means knowing that you’re enough just as you are.

4) They celebrate others

Confident people don’t see others’ success as a threat to their own. Instead, they celebrate the achievements of others. They understand that success isn’t a zero-sum game and that there’s room for everyone to shine.

Here’s an interesting fact: studies have shown that celebrating others’ successes can actually boost our own happiness and self-confidence. It’s a positive cycle – when we feel good about ourselves, we’re more likely to feel happy for others, and when we’re happy for others, it makes us feel good about ourselves.

On the other hand, arrogant people often belittle or ignore others’ success because they see it as a threat to their own superiority. But genuinely confident people know their worth isn’t tied to being better than everyone else.

They understand that everyone has unique strengths and contributions, and they’re not threatened by that.

5) They’re not defined by their failures

Life isn’t always smooth sailing, and confident people understand this better than anyone else. They know that failure is just a part of the journey, not the end of the road.

When they fall, they don’t stay down. They pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and keep moving forward. Because they know that failure doesn’t define them; it’s just an opportunity to learn and grow.

There’s something incredibly moving about watching someone encounter failure, only to rise above it stronger than before. It’s a testament to their resilience, their determination, and their unwavering confidence in their ability to overcome obstacles.

Arrogant people, in contrast, often crumble under the weight of failure.

They’re so focused on maintaining a perfect image that any sign of weakness feels like a major blow. But real confidence doesn’t mean you’re never failing; it’s knowing that even when you do fail, you’re still capable of bouncing back.

6) They can laugh at themselves

One of the most endearing qualities of a truly confident person is their ability to laugh at themselves. They understand that being human means being imperfect, and they’re more than okay with that.

For example, I remember this one time when I was giving a presentation to a large group of people. Just as I was about to make my big point, I tripped over a stray wire and fell flat on my face! As embarrassing as it was, I decided to just laugh it off and joke about my “graceful” entrance.

Instead of feeling mortified, I felt liberated. It was a moment of humanness that actually helped me connect more with the audience. It showed them that I’m not some infallible robot; I’m just a person who can trip over wires like anyone else.

Arrogant people often take themselves too seriously, afraid any mistake will shatter their image. But those with true confidence know that making mistakes – and being able to laugh at them – makes us more relatable and likable.

Because at the end of the day, we’re all human and we all mess up sometimes.

7) They don’t need constant validation

You know what’s exhausting? Constantly seeking validation. Trying to mold yourself into someone you think others will like. It’s like being on a never-ending hamster wheel, always chasing after approval but never really getting anywhere.

Confident people don’t do this. They don’t need to. They know their worth isn’t dependent on what others think of them. They validate themselves. They know who they are and they’re okay with it. More than okay, actually – they’re proud of it.

They’re not out here trying to impress everyone, they’re just living their lives, being true to themselves. And there’s something incredibly freeing about that.

Arrogant people often need constant validation because their self-worth is based on external approval. But the truth is, true confidence comes from within, not from the opinions of others. It’s raw, it’s honest, and it’s real.

8) They’re open to feedback

Feedback can be a tough pill to swallow, but it’s essential for growth. Confident people understand this. They’re open to feedback and take it constructively, using it as a tool to improve and evolve.

Here’s an interesting fact: Research from the Harvard Business Review suggests that people who ask for feedback are significantly more efficient at their jobs. They tend to be more creative, more proactive, and better problem solvers.

However, arrogant people often see feedback as criticism and reject it outright. They’re so invested in their own perfection that they fail to see the opportunities for improvement.

But truly confident people see feedback – both positive and negative – as a chance to learn and grow. They’re not threatened by it; instead, they welcome it. Because they know that to get better, you have to be willing to listen and learn.

9) They set healthy boundaries

Setting boundaries isn’t always easy. It requires a certain level of self-awareness and the courage to speak up for what you need. And confident people understand the importance of this.

I learned this lesson the hard way when I found myself burnt out from trying to please everyone else at the expense of my own well-being. I was saying ‘yes’ to everything, even when I wanted to say ‘no’.

But over time, I realized that setting boundaries isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. Now, I confidently express my needs and limits. And surprisingly, people respect me more for it.

Arrogant people often disregard the boundaries of others, thinking their needs are superior. But truly confident people respect both their own boundaries and those of others.

They understand that everyone has the right to protect their own time, energy, and mental space.

10) They don’t gossip

Gossiping is easy. It’s a quick way to feel important or make yourself feel better by putting others down. But let’s be real – it’s low, it’s cheap, and it’s not the mark of a confident person.

Confident people don’t need to tear others down to build themselves up. They don’t waste their time spreading rumors or engaging in petty talk. They have better things to do and bigger goals to focus on.

Arrogant people, on the other hand, often gossip to make themselves feel superior. But confidence doesn’t come from belittling others; it comes from recognizing your own worth without comparing it to anyone else’s.

11) They’re not jealous

Jealousy is such a destructive emotion. It eats away at you, makes you bitter, and blinds you to your own blessings. Confident people don’t let themselves be consumed by jealousy.

Sure, they might feel a pang of envy now and then – they’re human, after all. But they don’t let it control them or cloud their judgment. Instead, they use it as motivation to work harder and achieve their own goals.

Arrogant people often struggle with jealousy because they always want to be the best. But truly confident people understand that everyone is on their own path, and someone else’s success doesn’t take away from their own.

12) They keep their promises

Nothing says confidence like integrity, and keeping your promises is a big part of that. When confident people say they’re going to do something, they do it. They don’t make promises lightly, and when they do make them, they strive to keep them.

Breaking promises or flaking out on commitments isn’t just disrespectful; it also shows a lack of self-confidence. If you can’t trust yourself to keep your word, why should anyone else?

Arrogant people often make big promises to impress others but fail to follow through. Truly confident people, on the other hand, understand the value of their word and the importance of being reliable.

They know that actions speak louder than words, and they strive to show their confidence through their actions.

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