Confidence in a man is magnetic, attracting potential partners and clients alike in business. 

He has a big stride and people seek him out: when he talks, people take heed and he has an ability to gain attention in any room he enters. 

But is it just swagger or is there more beneath that outer exterior? 

Distinguishing genuine confidence from mere showmanship can be tricky. 

The real deal lies not in appearances or clichés, but in actions.

Here’s how to spot the truly confident man: 

1) A ‘can-do’ confident posture

A man with real confidence stands tall, with steady posture and strong eye contact. 

He looks straight ahead when somebody eyes him, and he doesn’t smile unnecessarily. 

He’s far from grim or menacing, but he’s not Mr. Smiley. He is devoid of nervous fidgeting or slumped shoulders, and he takes up space with his body. 

He’s the opposite of the scared man in the corner shirking away from a challenge, judgment or dislike:

He’s open to friends and ready for enemies. He’s not looking for a fight but he’s certainly not afraid of one.

2) Poised and easygoing, but focused

Genuine confidence is reflected in a calm, affable expression and way of holding himself.

The confident man is not engaged in those over-the-top smiles or trying to be overly friendly to everyone:

He is poised and calm, with a focused energy.

He’s not seeking outside support or somebody to lean on. 

He’s his own man in every sense, and he’s found his own center and exists within that calm and strong center rather than at the periphery of his energy or dependent on the expectations or reactions of others. 

“Think of someone you look up to. Now think about how they tackle problems in their everyday life. 

You, hopefully, picture them as calm, cool, and collected as they adapt to the challenges life throws at them,” points out psychologist Brandon Citrano.

3) Purposeful gestures and movement

Confident men use clear, meaningful gestures to emphasize their points.

They don’t gasp or hoot and holler at the first sign of surprise or shock, and they don’t use phrases like “oh my God,” or “holy shit man” and other juvenile terminology. 

A truly confident man is quite poised as I noted in the previous point, and he avoids excessive or erratic movements.

He knows the direction he’s heading, and he’s not asking permission or approval from anybody.

4) Consistent strong eye contact

Confident men meet others’ gaze without flinching. 

They aren’t hostile by any means, and can be quite generally friendly. 

But they exude assurance, putting out an air of calm neutrality that doesn’t ask or demand something from others. 

Most importantly, they don’t glance down a lot, especially when somebody looks at them or they pass somebody while walking. They maintain an upright gaze!

“Confident people are always looking up, never down at the table, the ground, or their feet. 

Whether in conversation or just walking in the office hallway, they’re looking at other people. 

They’re engaging them through their eye contact,” explains body language expert and author Lillian Glass.

5) Playful but confident vocal tone

Their speech is deliberate, not rushed, and it comes from their diaphragm and their core, not from high up in their throat. 

The confident man speaks with a kind of confident diffidence. He cares what he’s saying, but he’s far from hung up on how you respond to it or whether you agree. 

He embodies the classic, measured cadence seen in old Hollywood icons.

Take a look at this masterclass in the behavior, speech quality and body language of a confident man from Gregory Peck in The Big Country for example. 

When faced with a fight, Peck’s character doesn’t respond angrily or impulsively but somewhat bemusedly while still making it clear he’s 100% serious about using force to defend himself.

6) Accountability and owning up to mistakes

They take responsibility for their actions, honoring commitments and respecting others’ time.

This fits into the overall philosophy of a confident man, who is willing to admit where he’s fallen short and do his best to make up for it. 

His philosophy is that he’s the one responsible for his life and that the actions of others won’t determine his happiness, nor will he try to excuse his failures through excuses or extenuating circumstances. 

These may exist, but if he shares a part in what went wrong he will face that head-on.

“Accountability cultivates a sense of self-efficacy, which is the belief in one’s ability to accomplish tasks and achieve goals. 

When individuals own their actions and outcomes, they trust their capabilities,” notes accountability coach and business advisor Darren Finkelstein.

7) Focused on the present

They live in the moment, not dwelling on the past or getting lost in daydreams. 

The present is the zone of action, where change can happen and where they have power to affect what is going on:

Not the past nor the future. 

If the future is to change it will start now, and the confident man knows that. So he stays in the present, actively seeking self-improvement and doing his best with the next step in front of him. 

Long-term plans? Absolutely. But never to the extent that the urgency and immediacy of the present situation is overshadowed. 

8) Willing to take risks and chances

They’re willing to make bold decisions and take calculated risks in both their business and personal life. 

This is guided by a belief in their abilities and a sense that if they don’t take a risk that could be a decision they’ll one day regret. 

The rock-solid confident man is far from reckless. There are risks he avoids and turns down. But when he decides to jump into something he jumps fully. 

“Humans are a risk-taking species,” observes the late Professor Emeritus of Psychology Dr. Marvin Zuckerman.

“Our ancestor Homo sapiens originated in East Africa, and within the relatively short span of 100,000 years or less spread over the entire globe. It turns out that being explorative may be the key to the survival of the species.”

9) Handles criticism well 

Criticism doesn’t faze them; in fact they do the best they can to learn from criticism and feedback. 

They assess its validity and take constructive feedback in stride.

If it’s untrue and malicious, it only shows the insecurity and vindictiveness of the one engaging in it. 

If it’s true and has merit they can use it as a free assessment to get better? 

A truly confident man doesn’t fear criticism, he loves it.

Even unfair criticism that angers him is useful as it can be a soundtrack of haters that he can use for motivation to work harder and achieve more and love himself even more. 

10) Healthy boundaries and ability to say no

Confident men know their limits and enforce them, which means they are not afraid to say no and mean it. 

They refuse to compromise their values or tolerate disrespect.

This surety in what they will put up with and what they won’t is something that draws others to them and engenders success in all areas of their life. 

Because they have boundaries they stick to and won’t back down on, they end up being able to prioritize their time more effectively as well, leading others to value their attention and time to a much greater degree also. 

11) Lack of jealousy and possessiveness

They don’t feel threatened by others’ success or attention, maintaining confidence in themselves and their pursuits.

The success of other people isn’t only “not a threat,” it’s a bonus. 

They see it as a win-win, because they know that their own success is not lessened or diluted in any way by the success of somebody else. 

As Mindful Health Solutions observes:

“Jealousy is often rooted in insecurities and fears that a person may not even realize they have. 

These could include fear of oversimplification, fear of inadequacy, fear of abandonment, fear of being replaced, and fear of being judged.