Speaking as a woman, while we are innately skilled at being there for others, many of us struggle to speak up when we are not coping well.

Sure, it is socially more acceptable for women to talk about their feelings than men. But from an early age, women are molded to put the needs of others before their own.

So what does that mean? 

When a woman is unhappy, she will cast her feelings aside because too many other people need her.

However, although she may not talk about it, there will be some subtle signs that she is struggling inside. 

If you’re worried that the woman in your life is not content, look for the following eight signs…

1) She’s stopped pursuing her hobbies

When women are happy, they regularly engage in activities that bring them joy and pleasure.

So, if a woman stops pursuing hobbies she once enjoyed, it could signify she has lost her spark. 

This is because coping with depression can feel all-consuming. It zaps all your energy and focus, making everything else feel too exhausting.

That’s why when people are depressed, they tend only to do the bare minimum. 

They may still get up and go to work, but they allow their personal lives to fall by the wayside.

Researchers believe that this loss of interest (known as Anhedonia) is due to low serotonin levels, a hormone fluctation that happens during depression.

But Anhedonia doesn’t just cause a woman to give up on her hobbies. It also leads to the following sign…

2) She cancels on her friends

It is well known that social isolation can cause depression. But did you know that depression can cause you to withdraw from socializing?

Many women (and men) tend to go inwards when they’re struggling. 

Even if they know that talking about it would make them feel better, they believe no one understands or cares about their feelings.

But as Stephen Ilardi, Ph.D., author of “The Depression Cure,” explains, isolating yourself is the worst thing to do when you’re feeling unhappy.

“When we’re clinically depressed, there’s a powerful urge to pull away from others and to shut down. However, with depression, social isolation worsens how we feel.”

One reason for this is that social isolation increases levels of the stress hormone cortisol. 

Of course, women cannot withdraw from everyone, such as their partners or children. So, if you are living with a woman who is secretly unhappy, you’ll surely notice this…

3) She seems disconnected 

When a woman cannot physically withdraw, she will do so emotionally, appearing distant and disconnected.

Perhaps you share an achievement of yours with her, and she seems indifferent. 

Or you try to get her to open up, and she shuts down the conversation or makes herself unavailable.

You might feel she is lost in her thoughts or isn’t listening to you when you talk.

This is because unhappiness can impair cognitive function, making it challenging for people to concentrate or make decisions effectively. 

I can attest to this…

When I’m unhappy, I find it incredibly difficult to focus on my work. I also struggle with meditation and mindfulness practices because my ability to focus feels almost non-existent.

4) She’s constantly criticizing herself

Self-criticism and negative self-talk are things many women battle with. And this seems to intensify when they are feeling unfulfilled and depressed.

It stems from low self-worth and serves as a way for someone to express their dissatisfaction with themselves and their life.

When a woman is unhappy, she may say things like:

• I never do anything right
• I don’t deserve to be happy
• I’ll never be successful

However, some women may not say these things out loud but think them in their heads, making this sign more challenging to spot.

What’s more, negative self-talk is a dangerous spiral. 

This internal dialogue of self-doubt and self-blame can erode a woman’s self-esteem further and perpetuate feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness.

If a woman does not have self-worth issues, she will be more likely to direct her dissatisfaction outwards by criticizing those around her (or the world) instead of herself.

5) She’s always exhausted

During the darkest periods of my life, I was constantly feeling tired, and doing anything, even the simplest things, felt like so much effort.

Suddenly, everyday tasks like taking a shower and cooking dinner require ten times more energy than before.

According to psychological research, this severe fatigue is due to an imbalance of neurotransmitters in the brain.

Other factors that contribute to this exhaustion during depression include:

• Sleep problems like insomnia
• Poor food choices
• Lack of exercise
• Neglecting self-care practices

And because exhaustion has links to irritability, this sign is often accompanied by the following one…

6) She overreacts to everything

Now, due to our fleeting hormones, many women struggle with mood swings. 

So, it is possible for a happy woman to be easily irritated or overly sensitive at times, especially when her period is due!

But…

If this behavior is constant, it may indicate that she is struggling internally. 

This is because when women suppress their feelings of unhappiness, it often surfaces as irritability or moodiness. 

Thus, her reactions to things will often seem disproportionate to the situation, and you might feel like you have to walk on eggshells around her.

Side note: This is also a common sign of unhappiness in a man!

7) Her appetite has changed

Unhappiness can significantly disrupt your eating habits. Research from The University of Tulsa has found that it can cause your appetite to decrease OR increase. 

Some women turn to food for comfort, resulting in overeating or unhealthy eating habits. 

Others may experience a loss of appetite and weight loss due to decreased interest in food.

Interestingly, I’ve experienced both of these. 

Typically, if stress, anxiety, or grief fuels my unhappiness, I lose my appetite and don’t want to eat.

But if my unhappiness is due to feeling lonely or dissatisfied with my life, all I want to do is eat chocolate and fast food!

I’ll also admit that I’ve successfully hid my disrupted eating habits from my loved ones. So, the woman in your life may be doing the same!

One way to understand if her appetite has changed is by going out for a meal together.

Did she always have a ravenous appetite, but now she pushes her food around the plate?

Or does she now order the most unhealthy choices on the menu when she used to be cautious of what she eats?

Changes like these examples suggest she may be secretly unhappy.

8) She’s neglecting her physical appearance

Aside from appetite, look for a change in the grooming habits of the woman you’re concerned about.

If she has always taken good care of her appearance and then suddenly stops, this is a big warning sign that something is wrong.

A woman who is secretly unhappy may stop:

• Getting her usual beauty treatments
• Wearing making
• Dressing well
• Maintaining personal hygiene

This sign might not be so drastic, though. 

It often starts with small changes you might not notice, like wearing her hair in a bun rather than straightening it. Or she might switch from an elaborate skincare routine to a simple one.

As mentioned earlier, depression causes extreme exhaustion, making everything feel like a lot of effort. 

However…

Like several other signs on this list, some women will do the opposite when they are unhappy.

For example, when I was battling with depression and low self-worth, I would make MORE effort on my appearance.

Why?

Because my logic was, “Maybe if I look better, I will feel better.” 

So, I would wear more makeup, dye my hair or get a haircut, and dress up more in a desperate attempt to feel better.

So, remember that increased grooming could also signify that a woman is secretly unhappy.

Final thoughts

Determining if a woman is secretly unhappy in life can be challenging as our fleeting hormones affect everything from our emotions to our moods. 

However, by understanding the psychological indicators of unhappiness in women, you can support the person who is always there for everyone else!

Often, when a woman is unhappy, she just needs permission to put herself first for once. Your support and encouragement can help her open up and prioritize self-care and healing.