Whether you realize it or not, you’ve met people with low emotional maturity.

To put it simply, these are people who still have a lot of growing up to do. While they may technically be adults, they are still stuck in a childish mindset where they are the only person who matters.

As you can imagine, these are not great people to be around. In fact, spending time around people like this can be an incredibly frustrating experience.

So if you want to avoid them, it’s important to be able to spot the signs right away.

Fortunately, psychologists have identified some key signs of a person who has some growing up to do emotionally.

1) Needing to be the center of attention

Unsurprisingly, many of the signs of an emotionally mature adult are things you would expect to see in children.

And while these behaviors are excusable in a child whose brain is still developing, they are much less forgivable in adults.

One of the most common is a need to always be the center of attention.

This can lead to a person monopolizing every conversation they are in and always turning the subject back to them.

It can even lead to inappropriate or dramatic behavior that is designed to bring focus back onto them.

Attention seeking behavior includes:

• Fishing for compliments
• Being deliberately controversial
• Exaggerating stories
• Pretending to be unable to do something
• Playing the victim

“The most common reason why someone might exhibit these behaviors is that they are experiencing low-self esteem,” says health and parenting writer Wendy Wisner. “Other emotional states that might lead to attention-seeking behaviors include loneliness and jealousy.”

She also points out that attention seeking behavior may come from personality disorders such as histrionic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder.

2) Avoiding responsibility/blaming others

If you have kids, you’ll be very familiar with this behavior.

Unfortunately, people with low emotional maturity often carry this behavior into adulthood, too.

“Blame is an excellent defense mechanism,” writes psychology professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne. “Whether you call it projection, denial, or displacement, blame helps you preserve your sense of self-esteem by avoiding awareness of your own flaws or failings.”

Children may even go as far as blaming an imaginary friend for the bad things they do. Adults, on the other hand, will blame the people around them, society, the government, or even abstract entities like God or fate.

The problem is, when you avoid responsibility for your actions, you also avoid any opportunity to learn and grow from your mistakes.

By blaming others, you tell yourself that the world is simply pushing you around and that you have no power to make anything better.

And that’s an immature attitude that will ultimately prevent an emotionally immature person from improving their life.

3) Impulsive behavior

Part of growing up is learning how to control our impulses.

We all want to eat fatty food, for example. But as responsible adults, we know we can’t do that every day without damaging our health. We all want to stay in bed sometimes instead of getting up and going to work.

But responsible adults understand that doing that can cost them their livelihood. In other words, as we grow up, we learn to control our impulses.

At least, those of us with emotional maturity do.

When people give in to their impulses, “feelings such as guilt or shame may follow,” writes psychology professor Matthew Tull. “Repeated impulsive acts may also lead to a number of negative consequences, such as greater emotional distress or regret, in the long term.”

But an ability to think long-term is something that comes with emotional maturity. And some people never develop it.

4) Lying

Most of us lie from time to time. Generally, these are harmless fictions that we call white lies, such as lies intended to spare people’s feelings.

However, some people lie for other reasons.

They may lie to make themselves look better. They may lie to get people to do what they want.

Sometimes, lying can become pathological, with the liar no longer fully understanding why they are doing it.

And sometimes, like children will, emotionally immature people lie to get out of trouble.

If you know someone who is often lying to cover their mistakes or to make themselves look better, it’s a sure sign that you are dealing with someone who needs more emotional maturity.

5) Emotional outbursts

This is one of the classic signs of someone with low emotional maturity.

“Many emotionally immature individuals behave like children or adolescents,” writes psychologist Tracy Hutchinson. “Do they act mature in interactions? Do they throw chronic tantrums? Do they shut down consistently?”

These are signs of someone lacking in emotional maturity.

Often, when these people don’t get their way, they will react with an emotional outburst. They may rant and rage about their disappointment, or sulk to try and get people to feel sorry for them.

Emotional maturity is what allows us to control our emotions. We may not be able to control what we feel, but we can control how we react to those emotions.

Not being able to control themselves when feeling strong emotions is a classic sign of an emotionally immature person.

6) Inability to handle criticism

Being able to handle criticism gracefully is something we all struggle with from time to time.

And often, it’s a skill that takes a long time to acquire. Being able to separate yourself and your ego from what people say about you takes a level of emotional maturity that not everybody has.

“A mature person is unshaken by flattery or criticism,” writes author and leadership coach Tim Elmore. “Mature people can receive compliments or criticism without letting it ruin them or sway them into a distorted view of themselves. They are secure in their identity.”

People with low emotional maturity, on the other hand, take everything personally.

And again, this inability to take criticism on board actually hampers them from ever improving themselves.

7) Poor communication skills

Communication skills are another thing that take time and maturity to develop.

Communication skills include things like:

• Being able to discuss difficult issues without getting emotional
• Getting to the point
• Avoiding personal attacks
• Expressing needs in a clear and unemotional way
• Understanding where the other person is coming from

Children need to be taught these communication skills. And it’s perfectly possible for emotionally immature people to reach adulthood without ever learning how to communicate effectively with others.

8) Lack of empathy

By now, you’ve probably noticed a common pattern emerging in the signs of low emotional maturity.

People who lack emotional maturity have a tendency to put themselves first and never think of others.

Most humans who don’t have a major personality disorder are capable of empathy, the ability to put yourself in another person’s shoes and imagine how they feel. But empathy is a skill that takes time and dedication to develop.

“Empathy is a fundamental aspect of emotional maturity,” writes psychologist Alexander Draghici. “Empathy is also the reason why you pause and think about other people’s feelings before you say something that may be construed as offensive or disrespectful.”

People with low emotional maturity really struggle with this.

And their lack of empathy can make them self-centered, ungenerous, and rude to others.

9) Dependence

This is one of the less obvious signs of emotional immaturity. But it makes sense when you think about it.

As children, we are dependent on our caregivers for all our basic needs. But that’s also true of our emotional needs.

As we grow up, we are supposed to develop a healthy level of self-esteem and self-reliance that allows us to fulfill our own psychological needs for belonging, self-worth, and self agency.

But people with low emotional maturity stay stuck in a childish mentality of dependence.

In other words, they rely on other people for validation and self-esteem.

Psychologist Daniela Beer-Becker writes that “when the longing for emotional support turns into an emotional dependency, it can lead to toxic relationship dynamics which over time have the power to destroy a relationship.”

We all need emotional support from time to time. But someone who constantly relies on others to give them their sense of worth and value demonstrates that they don’t have the emotional maturity to provide those things for themselves.

10) Seeking instant gratification

Finally, another sign of someone lacking emotional maturity is that they seek instant gratification.

In other words, they go after what they want right now, prioritizing their current needs and desires over the future.

It’s fine to do this from time to time. But when it becomes a habit, it can come at the cost of future success and happiness.

Like children, people with low emotional maturity tend to only think about the present. And this can lead them to miss out on a lot of opportunities that require patience and planning.

Signs of low emotional maturity

At some point in our lives, we all have these traits. But hopefully, most of us grow out of them as we get older and more mature.

So if you know adults who show these signs, it’s probably the case that they lack emotional maturity.