Sometimes, men are tough to read. 

They might claim to be committed to their partner, convincing everyone, even themselves, of such… yet their actions tell a different story. 

Occasionally, a man will have the desire to commit but doesn’t have it in him to do so just yet. 

Ultimately this often means he’ll constantly leave his partner guessing and yearning for more. 

This simply isn’t fair to them. 

If you’ve noticed that your man’s actions don’t consistently align with his words, you’ve come to the right place. 

In this article, I’ll take you through the key signs a man isn’t fully committed to a relationship, even if he says he is. 

If these items sound familiar, then know that it’s probably time to take action. 

Let’s dive in! 

1) He doesn’t communicate 

When you’ve found a deep romantic connection in life, the natural tendency is to want to be open with them. 

You want your interactions to frequently be deep and intimate; you want your relationship to be a safe space, a sanctuary, where you can both bare your respective souls with one another. 

So if a man dodges conversations about ‘big,’ meaningful topics like feelings, the future, or major life decisions, slyly changing the topic, this can be very telling. 

He’s not an open book, he’s a closed one, always holding back, keeping key parts of his life a secret. 

Sure, he could just be the timid type, who struggles to open up; but if he isn’t, then there’s a fairly decent chance he’s not as committed to you as you think.

2) He’s inconsistent

One of the hallmarks of a loving, committed relationship is consistency.

So if your man is warm and affectionate one day; and mean, distant, and cold the next, this is a red flag. 

You’re not in high school anymore, hot and cold treatment ain’t gonna fly. 

If you’ve noticed the latter become the norm, and you haven’t done anything glaringly wrong, it’s worth taking a deeper look. 

His inconsistency may just be rooted in underlying feelings of uncertainty and doubt about the relationship. 

3) He’s unwilling to make plans 

If a man is reluctant to talk about future plans with you, this says quite a lot. 

Just to be clear, by ‘plans’ I don’t mean going to the grocery after work; I mean more significant things like planning vacations, attending weddings together, or meeting one another’s families. 

He may enjoy having you around in the doses, but he doesn’t want to cross the boundary of becoming a full-fledged boyfriend just yet. 

4) He seems to want to keep the relationship secret 

This one is classic. 

And any man who is remotely afraid of commitment has unfortunately been there. 

Keeping the relationship a secret is a man’s instinctive reaction when he’s not fully invested. 

If he’s all in, he will be proud to show you off to his friends and family, making you feel safe, secure, and wanted in the process. 

Sadly, this isn’t always the case when he isn’t committed. 

So take note if he seems to be actively avoiding making your relationship public (like on social media) or facilitating introductions between you and his inner circle. 

If this all sounds familiar, then the painful reality is that he probably isn’t that committed. 

5) His availability is limited 

When a man is deeply into you, he’ll make it a point to be consistently available. 

So if you notice him frequently declining your invitations, perhaps by coming up with lame excuses like ‘feeling under the weather,’ this may well be a red flag. 

Similarly, if he makes plans with you, but has canceled last minute on more than one occasion, citing sketchy reasoning, he’s probably not fully committed. 

I grew up directly exposed to a long line of broken families. 

Subconsciously, the latter made me feel a substantial, almost instinctive aversion to the prospect of settling down and committing. 

When I was younger and far more immature, I’d meet girls on dating apps. 

And for a while, it went pretty well. 

Whenever I picked up that things were escalating emotionally, however, I’d fade into the abyss. 

I’ve made countless far-fetched excuses to cancel dates, sometimes just an hour or two before, much to the dismay and irritation of those potential partners. 

I did this in part to spinelessly hint that I wasn’t completely into it; and thankfully for them, they unanimously had the self-respect to walk away. My loss, not theirs. 

6) He rarely prioritizes your needs

We tend to become our best selves when we’re truly into someone. 

For men, this means becoming a gentleman at all times, keen to be attentive and mindful of our partner’s needs and wants in life. 

Selfish behavior isn’t the best sign; it means he values himself far more than you–and therefore, isn’t genuinely committed to his relationship with you. 

So think about it–if he consistently puts himself first, always making his wants and needs priorities above all else, with minimal consideration for how it affects you, he simply isn’t fully invested in your union. 

Unless there is a drastic change, consider it time to start walking towards the exit sign. 

7) He doesn’t support you emotionally  

The man in your life should be a rock; he should be the person you know you can always turn to through the inevitable trials and tribulations of life. 

He should have a vested interest in your well-being, and therefore be on top of any struggles you may have to endure. 

Take note of how he behaves around you during your more trying periods of life. 

If he conveniently disappears when you’re going through tough times, or acts indifferently and unconcerned, this typically correlates directly to his investment in the relationship itself. 

8) He still flirts with others

This one is a no-brainer.

If he’s still acting single, when you’ve both made it clear that you’re exclusive, he isn’t committed to you. 

Sure, he may not be partaking in full-blown scandalous affairs (or maybe he is), but if he is still flirting with others, say by maintaining active dating profiles, he has a foot and a half out the door. 

When a man is fully committed to you, he will make it known that he is off-limits; he’ll delete his dating apps, he will show restraint in testy situations, and he will set clear boundaries. 

So if he isn’t doing these things, he’s not fully committed to exclusivity with you.

Final words 

If you notice these behaviors in your man, then nobody will fault you for walking away. 

But if you truly love him and feel like he is worth the trouble, sit him down and gently but assertively voice out your concerns. 

Give him an ultimatum; a limited opportunity to change and be better. 

If he then gets in gear, then you’ve got your happy ending. 

And if he doesn’t, cut your losses and move on to the next–ideally, that’ll be someone far more deserving of your time and energy.