You’ve been friends for years now. But lately, things seem a little off.

Of course, they’re nice to your face (you’re “friends” after all), but as soon as your back is turned it’s like their eyes are burning a hole in the back of your head, and you don’t know why.

Here’s the thing.

Jealousy is one of those tricky emotions that can be difficult to pin down. It can strike anyone, at any time, and it isn’t always easy to detect. 

They may not realize it themselves.

It can trigger a wide range of emotions from humiliation and hostility to envy and insecurity. It may have even inspired the world’s first murder (if you believe the Bible).

That said, it’s something that psychologists claim is damaging but “necessary.”

Let’s just say, it’s complicated. 

But how can you tell if your friend is secretly jealous of you? Here are five signs according to psychology.

1) They cross their arms (or legs) in front of you

Did you know up to 93% of all communication is non-verbal?

In fact, you can tell a lot about what someone is thinking just by the way they hold themselves.

Perhaps they cross their arms (and legs), puff their chest, curve their back, get fidgety, or give you “the evil eye.”

According to psychologists, all these point to jealousy. 

But hold your horses! 

A single gesture or movement alone won’t give you all the answers. 

They might just be chilly or busting for a pee (who knows). 

That’s why Dr. Jeff Thompson believes in applying the three C’s (context, clusters, and congruence) to gain more clarity and information. 

These, together with body language, can shed more light on what someone’s thinking deep down, including if they’re secretly jealous of you.

2) They quietly copy you (and your style)

They say imitation is the greatest form of flattery. But that’s not always the case. 

It could be a sign that your friend is secretly jealous of you. 

Let me explain. 

When someone is jealous (or envious) they can’t help comparing themselves to their peers. 

And according to psychologists, this social comparison forces them to pay very close attention to your life. 

It’s backed up by research. 

As a result, they may start copying your choices, behavior, mannerisms, and speech. Or perhaps your friend suddenly adopts your interests, hobbies, or style – seemingly out of nowhere.

The aim? 

To receive the same admiration (or envy) from others that they feel for you.

In other words, they’re desperate for validation. So much so that they try to emulate aspects of your life to feel more accomplished.

Ultimately, it’s their competitive nature coming out to play. And right now, they feel inadequate around you. 

This can lead to one-upmanship, which neatly ties in with the next sign on the list.

3) They can’t help one-upping you 

A bit of healthy competition between friends can be a good thing. 

In fact, it can provide just the motivation we need to learn, grow, and improve. 

But if your friend is constantly trying to one-up you, it could signal that they’re secretly jealous of you. 

That’s right.

They keep turning everything into a competition, whether you’re aware of it or not. 

And while they may say that they’re happy about your promotion or new house, they’re secretly seething. 

The truth is your success makes them wince. Made all the worse by seeing your face plastered all over social media. 

That’s why, they’ll act out and outdo you any chance they get. 

For instance, sharing even better news or pointing out that they’re more successful than you (perhaps under the guise of humor). 

But in reality, one-upping is your friend’s way of downplaying your accomplishments to undercut your confidence (according to psychology). 

Simply put, they’re trying to boost their ego (and self-worth) while disguising their feelings of inferiority. 

Mostly, they feel hard done by and that’s because…

4) They idealize your life (and achievements) 

Let’s be honest, we all do it! 

I’m talking about romanticizing the lives of others (e.g. celebs or influencers). But usually, we don’t actually know them. That’s why, it’s easy to make assumptions based on what you see online. 

They’re selling a story and we buy it – hook, line, and sinker.

However, when a friend does it (someone who supposedly knows you), something doesn’t quite add up here.

The fact is, it might be a sign that they’re secretly jealous of you. 

Here’s the thing. 

When someone’s jealous, psychologists say it can often cloud their perspective. And while they admire you, they also envy (perhaps even despise) you.

They think that (for whatever reason) they’re more deserving of your success. In their eyes, you’ve had it easy. 

Perhaps putting it down to “luck” or “privilege,” even if they’re the ones who’ve actually benefited from an advantageous life. 

To them, it’s simply unfair.

Because of this, they struggle to fully acknowledge your wins and the effort you put into obtaining them. 

As a result, they may try to make you feel guilty for your success or sabotage you. They may even throw in some sneaky backhanded compliments to throw you off guard.  

5) They purposely give you bad advice 

Do you ever get the feeling that your friend doesn’t have your best interests at heart?

Perhaps they give you some questionable advice. Or maybe, they actively try to discourage and demotivate you from reaching your goals. 

All for your benefit, of course. 

The phrase “With friends like that, who needs enemies” comes to mind. But it usually has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. 

They’re insecure and lack self-worth. 

According to psychology, jealousy (albeit an ugly emotion) is perfectly natural and it can often sneak up on individuals out of the blue. 

In fact, research suggests it’s often out of their hands (it’s unconscious). 

You’ve probably experienced it yourself at some point. 

However, how we manage those emotions can make all the difference. And that starts with recognizing the signs before it damages your relationships and friendships. 

So if you think your friend is secretly jealous of you, it might be time to chat with them and get to the root cause of their resentment and fear. 

You might find that there’s something deeper at play here and that they’re in desperate need of help or guidance.   

That said, if they’re unwilling to acknowledge their behavior or they’re purposely hurting you it’s important that you set some clear boundaries for your personal well-being.