Five years ago, I encountered a spiritual approach that fundamentally changed my perspective on self-development. Rudá Iandê’s “Out of the Box” online course offered something different from typical spiritual teachings – instead of creating dependency on a guru or external wisdom, it empowered me to become my own guide.

One of the most profound lessons from the course centered on what Rudá calls “the Idealized Self.” As he explains: “The Idealized Self is the most perfect version of yourself. It’s your ‘best you,’ your ‘higher self,’ maybe even ‘your potential.’ It’s that guy you not only want to be, but you believe you must be… Although he is fictitious and unreachable, this god looks and sounds deceptively human and natural. He’s you, but better… There is no compassion in this unconscious game. It’s oppressive, and it hurts us, but we put up with it in the name of ‘self-improvement.'”

This insight hit home. Throughout my life, I had been chasing an elusive “better me” – a phantom persona constructed from societal expectations and personal insecurities. Since completing Out of the Box, I’ve learned to live life on my own terms, finding authentic fulfillment rather than pursuing an impossible ideal.

In this article, I’ll share 7 signs that you might be chasing a version of yourself that doesn’t exist, drawing from both Rudá’s teachings and my personal journey of transformation over the past five years.

1. You’re Constantly Dissatisfied

Before encountering Out of the Box, I lived with a persistent undercurrent of dissatisfaction. It was like a constant companion, whispering that no achievement was quite enough, no milestone truly significant. What I’ve come to understand through Rudá’s teachings is that this wasn’t just normal ambition – it was a symptom of chasing a phantom.

The pattern was predictable: I’d set a goal, achieve it, feel a fleeting moment of satisfaction, and then immediately move on to the next target, never truly celebrating or absorbing my accomplishments. Sound familiar? This cycle is exhausting and, more importantly, reveals a deeper truth about our relationship with ourselves.

Consider your own achievements over the past few years. Perhaps you’ve advanced in your career, improved your health, or developed meaningful relationships. Yet instead of feeling fulfilled, you find yourself thinking, “Yes, but…” followed by a new list of requirements for feeling truly successful or complete.

Through Out of the Box, I learned that this perpetual dissatisfaction stems from measuring ourselves against an impossible standard rather than acknowledging our real growth. The course helped me understand that true fulfillment isn’t about reaching some mythical state of perfection – it’s about embracing our journey with all its imperfections and genuine victories.

2. You’re Always Striving for More

This sign was particularly challenging for me to recognize because our culture celebrates constant striving. We’re told that always pushing for more is the hallmark of success, but Rudá’s teachings revealed a crucial distinction between healthy growth and compulsive striving.

In the course, he introduced a powerful meditation practice that helped me see this pattern clearly. He emphasizes: “Watch your mind. Don’t do anything—no repetition of mantra, no repetition of the name of god—just watch whatever the mind is doing. Don’t disturb it, don’t prevent it, don’t repress it; don’t do anything at all on your part. You just be a watcher, and the miracle of watching is meditation.”

Through this practice, I began to notice how my mind constantly reached for the next thing, never content with the present moment. This wasn’t ambition – it was escapism. I was using the pursuit of “more” as a way to avoid facing my current reality, always believing that the next achievement would finally bring contentment.

3. You’re Constantly Comparing Yourself

One of the most transformative aspects of Out of the Box was how it challenged my relationship with comparison. Like many, I had rationalized my constant comparisons as “market research” or “maintaining high standards.” What I didn’t realize was how this habit was keeping me trapped in pursuit of an idealized self.

The course helped me understand that comparison is particularly insidious because it creates a double fiction. Not only are we measuring ourselves against our own impossible standards, but we’re also comparing ourselves to others’ carefully curated external presentations. It’s like trying to match your behind-the-scenes footage with everyone else’s highlight reel.

Rudá’s teachings encouraged me to examine the root of these comparative impulses. What was I really seeking through these comparisons? Often, it wasn’t actually about the specific traits or achievements I was comparing, but rather about seeking validation that I was “enough.”

4. You’re Neglecting the Present

This realization hit me hard during Out of the Box. Rudá taught that our fixation with becoming our idealized self often leads to treating the present moment as merely a stepping stone to some imagined future state of perfection. I was guilty of constantly thinking, “When I achieve X, then I’ll be happy” or “Once I become Y, then I’ll be worthy.”

The profound irony is that this mindset creates a perpetual state of “not yet” – we’re never quite living because we’re always preparing to live. We sacrifice the richness of our present experience for the promise of a future that continuously recedes from view.

Through the course’s practical exercises, I learned to recognize how this future-focused mindset was robbing me of genuine engagement with life. True growth, as Rudá emphasizes, doesn’t come from rejecting our present state in favor of some idealized future version. Instead, it emerges from fully engaging with life as it unfolds, embracing both challenges and victories as integral parts of our authentic experience.

5. You’re Constantly Feeling Inadequate

Before encountering Rudá’s teachings, I lived with a persistent sense of inadequacy that colored every aspect of my life. No achievement felt quite enough, no compliment fully deserved. Out of the Box helped me understand that these feelings weren’t reflecting real shortcomings, but rather the impossible gap between reality and the idealized self I was chasing.

This sense of inadequacy is particularly destructive because it creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we feel fundamentally inadequate, we often engage in behaviors that reinforce that belief – whether through self-sabotage, avoiding opportunities, or never fully committing to our goals because we “know” we’ll fall short.

6. You’re Ignoring Your Own Wisdom

A revolutionary aspect of Out of the Box is how it differs from traditional spiritual teachings. Instead of positioning himself as a guru with all the answers, Rudá guides students to recognize and trust their own inner wisdom. This approach was transformative for me because it highlighted how chasing an idealized self often means overriding our internal knowing in favor of external standards and expectations.

When we’re pursuing an idealized version of ourselves, we tend to distrust our intuition and natural inclinations. We might silence our inner voice because it doesn’t align with who we think we should be, or ignore our body’s signals because they don’t fit with our perfect self-image.

7. You’re Always Planning for a Future Self

The final sign is perhaps the most subtle and socially acceptable. While planning for the future isn’t inherently problematic, constantly deferring satisfaction and fulfillment to some future version of yourself indicates you’re caught in the idealized self trap.

Through Out of the Box, I learned to recognize how this future-focused mindset can become a form of escapism. We tell ourselves we’ll be happy when we’re more successful, more spiritual, more disciplined – essentially, when we’ve become our idealized self. But since that self is fictional, we’re setting ourselves up for perpetual disappointment.

The course helped me understand that genuine growth happens in the present moment, through accepting and working with who we are now, not through endless planning for who we might become.

Bottom Line: The Power of Authenticity

Five years after completing Out of the Box, I can confidently say that the course’s greatest gift wasn’t just identifying these patterns of self-idealization – it was providing practical tools to break free from them. Rudá’s teachings empowered me to stop chasing the impossible and start embracing the authentic.

This journey hasn’t been about becoming some perfect version of myself, but rather about accepting and working with who I am in each moment. This shift from chasing an idealized self to embracing authenticity has brought more peace, fulfillment, and genuine growth than any amount of self-improvement striving ever did.

As Rudá emphasizes, true transformation doesn’t come from becoming someone else – it comes from fully accepting and expressing who we already are. This might not be the easiest path, but it’s the only one that leads to genuine fulfillment. The beauty of this approach is that it doesn’t require you to achieve anything or become anyone – it simply invites you to be who you already are, fully and unapologetically.