Ever get that sinking feeling like everyone else got the memo on how to do life—except you? Like no matter how hard you try, you’re always a few steps behind? 

You’re not alone. That quiet sense of panic, that internal checklist you never seem to catch up with—it eats away at your confidence and peace of mind.

I’ve felt it too. Scrolling through social media, hearing about someone’s promotion, engagement, new house, new baby… it can feel like you’re constantly playing catch-up with milestones that were never even yours to begin with. 

But here’s the thing: sometimes, it’s not your circumstances that are holding you back—it’s the habits you’ve unknowingly adopted along the way. 

The good news? You can unlearn them. Let’s talk about the 7 habits that might be keeping you in that loop of feeling “behind”—and what it looks like to finally step out of it.

1. Dwelling on past mistakes

Not too long ago, I spent several months obsessing over a missed business opportunity. I replayed every wrong step in my head and kept telling myself, “If only I’d made a different choice back then.”

The result? I became frustrated and demotivated because I felt like my mistake had forever put me behind everyone else.

The truth is, when we fixate on the past, we rob ourselves of the present moment’s potential. You can’t move forward if you’re always looking backward. 

By all means, reflect on what went wrong and see what you can learn—but don’t set up permanent residence in yesterday’s failures. 

One thing I’ve discovered is that a lesson learned can be more valuable than any short-term success. If we keep that perspective, we free ourselves to try again, to do better, and to catch up to wherever we dream of going.

2. Comparing yourself to everyone else

I won’t pretend to have it all figured out, but one piece of advice I try to live by is: “Compare to learn, not to lament.” 

Years ago, I used to scroll through social media, seeing people apparently living their best lives—traveling to exotic places, snagging promotions, starting families—and I’d get this sinking feeling that I was hopelessly behind. 

But I realized that comparing my real-life struggles to other people’s highlight reels was like comparing apples to oranges.

Instead, I started seeking inspiration rather than competition. If I notice someone excelling in an area I admire, I ask myself, “What can I learn here?” 

This mental shift changed everything. It keeps me focused on my growth, not on beating someone else or catching up to a timeline that might not even be right for me. 

As Jordan Peterson once said, “Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.”

3. Waiting for the “perfect moment”

There was a stage in my life when I believed the perfect time would magically appear for me to chase my goals—start writing, switch careers, or even begin a new hobby. 

I convinced myself I needed just a bit more money in the bank, or a little more time in my schedule, or maybe for the planets to align. Of course, the ideal moment never arrived.

We often sabotage ourselves by waiting for “someday” to come. That mindset leaves us perpetually trailing behind because we’re always anticipating a future condition that keeps slipping further away. 

I recall reading an older gem of a book—The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz—where he says: “Action cures fear.” 

And it’s true. Once you start, even in a small way, you’ll find the momentum you need. Don’t wait for perfection—just take the first step, imperfect as it may be.

4. Overcommitting and saying “yes” to everything

I learned this one the hard way in my fifties, when I found myself attending every single event, helping everyone who asked, and stacking up deadlines like there was no tomorrow. 

I ended up spreading myself so thin that I couldn’t see progress in the areas that mattered most.

Sometimes, feeling behind isn’t about lacking ambition; it’s about having too many unrelated commitments. 

If your calendar is jam-packed with obligations that don’t bring you closer to where you want to be, you’ll keep spinning your wheels. 

Cutting back on unnecessary tasks was a game-changer for me. Now, before I say “yes,” I pause and ask myself, “Will this push me forward or is it just one more distraction?” 

That little question has saved me from overloading my plate and allowed me to focus on what truly aligns with my goals.

5. Neglecting self-care

I used to be guilty of wearing overwork like a badge of honor. I’d stay up late, skip meals, and run on coffee and nerves alone. 

Eventually, my body let me know that was a mistake—I burned out hard. When you’re drained mentally and physically, it’s tough to keep up with anyone, let alone your own aspirations.

There’s an old quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson I love: “The first wealth is health.” 

It’s easy to push things like exercise, proper sleep, and mental breaks to the bottom of the list. But if you’re feeling constantly behind, ask yourself: are you even giving your mind and body a fighting chance? 

A healthier lifestyle can help you think clearer, move faster, and ultimately gain ground where it matters most. You can’t outrun poor self-care, no matter how many motivational posters you read.

6. Living with a fear of failure

When I was younger, I’d avoid any venture that didn’t feel like a sure thing. Looking back, I realize I missed out on a lot of potential adventures and growth experiences because I was too scared to mess up. 

And guess what? The time I spent worrying only made me feel more behind when I saw peers who took calculated risks and soared.

Over time, I’ve come to understand that failure isn’t an ending—it’s a prerequisite for success. 

Most people we see at the top of their fields have a graveyard of failures behind them. They learned from each stumble and used those lessons as stepping stones. 

I once read about how Bill Gates faced a major flop before Microsoft took off, and that was eye-opening. He didn’t let one failure define him—he regrouped, learned, and tried again. 

If we never allow ourselves to fail, we effectively block ourselves from real growth and stay stuck in the same old place.

7. Refusing to ask for help or guidance

Lastly, we often feel behind because we mistakenly believe we have to tackle every hurdle alone. 

But seeking help doesn’t mean you’re admitting defeat. It simply means you recognize that a fresh perspective or a few words of wisdom can get you on track faster. 

Brené Brown famously said, “We don’t have to do all of it alone. We were never meant to.” 

If you’re stuck, look to mentors, coaches, or simply a friend who’s walked a similar path. One of the best moves I ever made was dropping the lone wolf act. It freed me up to learn from others who’d already been where I wanted to go.

Parting thoughts

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that feeling behind can become a permanent mindset if we don’t proactively change our habits. 

Dropping these seven patterns isn’t about magically leaping to the finish line—it’s about ensuring we’re walking in the right direction.

So, consider shedding just one or two of these habits to start. Maybe you’ll stop comparing yourself to that overachieving neighbor, or you’ll finally ask a mentor for a bit of guidance. 

Small changes might not immediately vault you ahead of every curveball life throws your way, but they’ll certainly ensure you’re not stuck at the same mile marker year after year.

Here’s my question to you: Which habit are you ready to leave behind so you can catch up to where you truly want to be? 

Trust me, the best time to start is right now. And once you begin, you’ll see—it’s not about how far behind you think you are, but how far you’re willing to go from this moment onward.