Have you ever looked back on your childhood and realized some behaviors your parents considered “normal” actually left you feeling anxious or unseen?

I had that revelation one night after tucking my son into bed. He asked if I was proud of him for drawing a picture at school, and I remembered how my own parents never offered that kind of gentle affirmation.

They weren’t bad people, but they treated emotional closeness like an afterthought.

Looking back, it’s clear they just didn’t know how to meet my emotional needs.

It took me a long time—and a divorce, along with the joys and pains of single motherhood—to see how those early patterns shaped me.

But here’s the truth:

You can unlearn the old “normal” and build a healthier version of what family life should feel like.

If any of these six behaviors rang true in your home, you might have been raised by parents who simply couldn’t offer the emotional support you needed.

Let’s walk through them.

1. Dismissing your feelings as “dramatic” or “too sensitive”

Parents who routinely sweep your emotions under the rug are sending one subtle but potent message: your emotional world isn’t valid.

When you cried, maybe you were told to stop making a fuss.

When you were angry, you might have heard, “Don’t you dare talk back.”

Over time, you might’ve learned to silence yourself or second-guess any strong emotion.

Why?

Because the people you depended on for nurturing told you—maybe not always in words, but in attitudes—that your feelings were either inconvenient or exaggerated.

According to the team at GoodTherapy, children whose emotions are consistently ignored or belittled tend to develop low self-esteem and even anxiety disorders later on.

It’s no wonder you catch yourself apologizing for feeling anything at all.

2. Using guilt to control or manipulate you

Some parents, especially those who never learned healthy boundaries themselves, resort to guilt as a form of control.

It might look like your mother saying, “After everything I’ve sacrificed, you can’t even do this one thing for me?”

Or your father hinting, “If you loved me, you wouldn’t behave that way.”

Statements like these create emotional confusion.

On one hand, you feel an obligation to please them.

On the other, you sense something is off with the way your feelings are being used as leverage.

You see, guilt is a mighty weapon for controlling behavior. It can keep you locked in a cycle of people-pleasing, forever craving approval you might never receive.

And if that feels uncomfortably familiar, it’s a sign your parents couldn’t offer healthy, unconditional support—only a transactional version of love.

3. Treating achievements as the only measure of worth

Growing up, maybe you were praised mostly when you brought home good grades or won an award. 

But when you just wanted to share a random drawing or talk about a personal dream, you were met with disinterest.

Sound familiar? 

In an interview with Parents, author Jennifer Breheny Wallace says, “When children consistently hear praise only for their performance such as ‘You’re so smart’ or ‘You’re the best,’ they may start to believe they’re only lovable when they excel.”

They learn that love is earned by “producing” results, not freely given simply because they exist. This dynamic can make you hyper-focused on external validation.

In my own case, I remember feeling invisible if I didn’t excel academically. And years later, I had to unlearn the idea that I’m only worthwhile when I’m performing at a high level.

4. Stonewalling or emotionally shutting you out

Stonewalling occurs when a parent withdraws and refuses to communicate when tensions rise.

They might literally leave the room in the middle of a heated discussion or maintain a stony silence for days as a form of punishment.

This was a familiar scenario for me as a child. My mother would go entire weekends without speaking to me if I disappointed her. No explanation. No words of understanding.

She’d disappear into her room, and I was left feeling confused and alone.

That’s emotional abandonment, even if it wasn’t intended maliciously. 

Children interpret stonewalling as a personal failure. They wonder what they did wrong, or why their parent won’t engage.

If that’s how conflicts typically played out in your home, you likely had little practice articulating your feelings or resolving disagreements in a healthy way.

5. Mocking, teasing, or using harsh sarcasm to “toughen you up”

Sometimes parents believe they’re helping children develop a thick skin by teasing them.

Maybe your father joked about your weight or your mother poked fun at your fears. They might say, “I’m only messing with you—stop taking it so seriously.”

Yet that subtle ridicule can cut deeper than any parent realizes.

Words leave an impact. They shape the narrative we carry inside.

If you were frequently teased or mocked for your vulnerabilities, you might still struggle to express them.

You might worry people will laugh or dismiss you, so you hide your insecurities behind a confident mask.

I’m not claiming to have a perfect formula here, but I know how it feels to unlearn those voices in your head that say vulnerability is weakness.

You can choose to be gentle with yourself, even if no one else ever was.

6. Treating privacy or boundaries as non-existent

Let’s not overlook this final piece: a lack of respect for personal space or personal choices.

Parents who barge into your room unannounced, read your diary, or pry into every aspect of your life create an atmosphere where you never feel safe to just “be.”

Boundaries are crucial for emotional well-being, for both kids and adults.

If your caregivers dismissed your need for them, you may find yourself in adulthood either fiercely protecting your space or having no idea how to set limits at all. Either extreme can be draining.

Being raised by parents who see boundaries as optional leaves you confused about your right to say “no” or to keep certain thoughts private.

It’s as though you never learned the difference between closeness and intrusion. And that confusion often bleeds into your adult relationships.

Conclusion

Sometimes the “normal” patterns at home aren’t normal at all.

They’re rooted in a lack of understanding about emotional needs—needs you’re 100% justified in having.

If any of these points struck a chord, take heart. Recognition is the first step to creating a new story.

You can absolutely learn healthier ways to relate, either through therapy, self-reflection, or simply deciding to break the cycle.

Take comfort in knowing you’re allowed to expect more from the relationships you build now.

You’re allowed to feel seen. You’re allowed to say, “I matter.”

And you’re allowed to leave behind the myth that you ever had to “earn” your parents’ emotional support in the first place.