Have you ever squirmed in your seat when someone praised your work or complimented your appearance?

You’re not alone. It’s funny how some of us light up inside when we hear kind words, yet we practically curl up into a ball on the outside. It’s like our brains can’t decide whether to do a victory dance or run away in terror.

I’ve met so many people who insist they’d rather not receive any compliments at all—yet the second you offer one, they can’t hide that tiny spark of satisfaction. 

I’ve been there myself. Sometimes I catch myself awkwardly smiling and dismissing the praise while my inner voice is going, “Yes! More, please.”

Today, I want to explore seven traits that define this fascinating paradox. We’ll look at the ways these folks respond to compliments, why they respond that way, and what’s really going on beneath the surface. 

Let’s dive in.

1. They get flustered in the moment

Let’s start with that deer-in-the-headlights look. 

If you’ve ever told someone, “You look amazing today,” and watched them fumble over words or break eye contact, there’s a reason. 

They’re overwhelmed by this sudden spotlight on something they’ve likely downplayed in their own mind.

In my early corporate days, I had a colleague who turned the color of a ripe tomato whenever someone praised his presentations.

Later, he admitted that while he absolutely loved the idea he was doing well, he also felt unprepared for the emotional rush of standing out. 

It’s a mix of excitement and panic that shows up as stammering words, flushed cheeks, or nervous laughs.

2. They deflect or downplay compliments

Another hallmark trait is the quick deflection: “Oh, it’s nothing,” “I just got lucky,” or “You’re just being nice.”

Despite secretly loving any positive acknowledgement, they’ll shrug it off like it’s no big deal. At first glance, it looks like modesty, but according to research, there’s often a deeper insecurity lurking beneath.

Sometimes this deflection is a way to avoid vulnerability. When you say, “Great job on that project!” and they respond, “I didn’t do much; everyone else carried me,” they might genuinely believe it. 

That goes double if they grew up in an environment where compliments were either withheld or came with strings attached. Accepting praise feels risky, so they brush it aside—just in case.

3. They worry about sincerity

Ever given a compliment and heard, “You’re joking, right?” or “Are you sure?” That’s the classic sign of someone who cringes outwardly but basks in the affirmation when nobody’s looking.

They’re essentially saying, “I want to believe you, but I’m not sure if I can trust what you’re saying.”

From a psychological standpoint, they might be battling something called “impostor syndrome,” where people doubt their own achievements and live in fear of being “found out.” 

If they’ve heard put-downs more than praise in the past, any positive comment can trigger a mental alarm bell—“Is this person serious, or is this a setup?”

4. They replay compliments in private

Despite protesting in front of others, these folks often replay compliments in their heads the minute they’re alone. 

They’ll dwell on the exact phrasing, the tone, and even your facial expression, savoring every detail. It’s almost like they need solitude to let the praise sink in.

Back when I felt out of place in my corporate job, whenever someone told me I had a knack for writing, I’d do the public “Aww, stop it” routine. 

Then, in private, I’d note the exact words in a journal. I’d dissect them, think about them, and wonder if maybe—just maybe—there was some truth there I needed to act on.

5. They secretly crave validation

Now, here’s the twist: people who cringe at compliments are often the very ones who yearn for recognition the most.
They downplay it publicly, but deep inside, they want to hear that what they’re doing matters, that who they are is appreciated.

From my own experiences and reading, this craving can stem from a lack of consistent encouragement earlier in life. 

As Brené Brown suggests, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.” 

Receiving a genuine compliment pokes at that vulnerability, so they mask their true response to avoid looking needy. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel good— it just feels complicated.

6. They might be extra critical of themselves

Ask one of these individuals for a self-assessment, and you might get an extremely harsh take. 

The same person you’re praising for doing a stellar job is likely tearing themselves down for minor flaws—maybe they stumbled over one sentence, or used the wrong font on a slide.

It’s a classic case of magnifying the negatives. If they hold themselves to impossibly high standards, anything less than perfect can overshadow any praise they receive. 

That’s exactly why they struggle to receive a compliment – it just doesn’t match their own self-assessment. 

7. They struggle to accept they deserve it

Finally, there’s often a deep-rooted belief that they’re simply not worthy of glowing feedback. 

Even if they’re crushing their goals at work or building meaningful connections in their personal life, part of them remains convinced it’s all a fluke.

It’s almost like the compliment bounces off a mental shield labeled “I don’t deserve this.”

This disbelief can show up in all kinds of settings—career achievements, personal milestones, or even appearance-based praise. 

The more praise they hear, the more they can feel that dissonance between how they see themselves and how others see them. 

Breaking this pattern often requires shifting that inner dialogue, which can be daunting, but it’s absolutely doable with self-awareness and maybe some outside help (like therapy or honest chats with trusted friends).

Rounding things off

So, what’s the takeaway here? If you identify with this group—or suspect someone in your life does—remember that cringing at compliments doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful or broken. 

It might just mean you’re not used to stepping into the spotlight, and that’s okay.

Personally, I’ve found that practicing a little “compliment acceptance” can be a game-changer. 

For me, it started with just saying, “Thank you.” No eye-rolling or brushing it off, just two words and a brief pause to let them register. 

Over time, that simple act made it easier to accept genuine praise—and even let it sink in without feeling awkward.

Learning to own the good stuff people see in you is a powerful form of self-growth. And as a writer who spends his days crafting (and editing) words, I’d argue that letting compliments land might just spark bigger changes in how you show up for yourself and others.

Here’s to all of us embracing those compliments—and maybe even letting ourselves enjoy them.