7 things you don’t realize you’re doing because you were raised by strict parents

Mia Zhang by Mia Zhang | January 20, 2025, 1:11 pm

Growing up with strict parents shapes you in ways you don’t always notice—until you’re out in the real world, making your own choices.

The rules, expectations, and high standards you grew up with likely taught you discipline and responsibility.

But they may have also left you with tendencies that make life harder than it needs to be. Some of these behaviors feel so normal that you don’t even question them—but once you do, you might realize they’re holding you back.

So, what are these hidden habits? Here are seven things you might be doing without realizing it—all because of your strict upbringing.

1. You’re overly critical of yourself

This is one of the most subtle, yet profound impacts that strict parenting can have.

You’ve grown up with high expectations and a low tolerance for mistakes. This ingrained a sense of perfectionism, or at least a strong desire to always do things right.

If you find yourself constantly criticizing your actions, second-guessing your decisions or feeling like you’re never quite good enough, then it’s a good chance this comes from your upbringing.

In fact, research shows that strict parenting causes just as much damage to a child’s self-esteem as neglectful parenting.

Look, everyone makes mistakes. It’s part of being human. Being overly critical of yourself only adds unnecessary stress and pressure in your life, which you certainly don’t need.

2. You struggle with spontaneity

This is another hidden sign that’s often overlooked.

Growing up with strict parents, there was always a plan, a schedule, a rule. Spontaneity wasn’t really part of the equation.

I can remember one time, my friends decided to go on an impromptu road trip. I was excited but the idea of just leaving without a plan scared me.

I ended up making a list of all the things we might need, checking the weather and insisting we have a route mapped out before we left.

It’s not that planning is bad, it’s just that sometimes it’s okay to let go and see where the journey takes you. But when you’ve been raised by strict parents, this concept can feel alien and even anxiety-inducing.

If you find yourself struggling with unplanned situations or if the very idea of spontaneity makes you uncomfortable, it could well be a reflection of your upbringing.

3. You’re always on time, if not early

Growing up with strict parents, punctuality was never a suggestion for you. It was a rule. Being late was not an option and that has carried over into your adult life.

You see, when you’re always on time or even a bit early for all your appointments, meetings or social gatherings, it’s not just about being respectful of other people’s time.

It actually reflects a deeply ingrained habit born from a childhood where lateness led to consequences.

This habit is so subconscious that you might not even realize you’re doing it because of how you were raised. But once you spot it, you’ll see it everywhere.

4. You overthink decisions

Did you know that the average adult makes about 35,000 remotely conscious decisions each day? That’s a lot of decision-making.

But for those of us raised by strict parents, this process can be even more exhausting.

You see, when you grow up under a set of stringent rules, making decisions can feel like navigating a minefield.

You’re not just choosing between A or B. You’re weighing possible outcomes, potential disappointments, and perceived repercussions.

This might lead to you overthinking even the smallest decisions. Choosing a restaurant, picking an outfit, or deciding on a movie can turn into an intense deliberation process.

If you find yourself stuck in analysis-paralysis more often than you’d like to admit, it could be a sign that your upbringing is still influencing your decision-making process.

5. You value discipline over leisure

This is something that’s more of a mindset than a behavior, but it’s just as impactful.

Being raised by strict parents often means that discipline and responsibility are valued more than leisure and relaxation. You might find yourself feeling guilty when you’re not being productive or when you’re indulging in too much downtime.

I remember the weekends growing up were never just about lounging or having fun. There was always a to-do list, chores to be done, homework to be finished.

As an adult, it can be hard to shake off this mindset. You might struggle to relax, to just be, without feeling like you should be doing something productive.

If you find it hard to relax without feeling guilty or constantly feel the need to be productive, it’s a sign that your upbringing still has a hold on your mindset.

It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s worth understanding and addressing for a more balanced life.

6. You seek approval more than most

This one can be a bit harder to spot, but once you see it, it’s like an invisible thread connecting all your actions.

Growing up with strict parents often involves a constant quest for approval. You want to make them proud, avoid disappointment or simply keep the peace.

Unfortunately, this desire for validation doesn’t just disappear when you become an adult.

Whether it’s at work, in your relationships or even in your hobbies, you might find yourself constantly seeking validation. You want to know you’re doing a good job, that you’re on the right track, that people are proud of you.

This can influence your decision-making process, how you interact with others and even how you see yourself.

It’s not inherently negative, but it’s important to recognize it and understand how it shapes your actions and thoughts.

7. You struggle to express your emotions

This is perhaps the most significant and challenging impact of being raised by strict parents.

In a household where rules and discipline take center stage, emotions can often be sidelined. You might have learnt to suppress your feelings as a child, to keep them to yourself in order to avoid causing any turmoil.

You might also have a tendency to bottle things up until it all becomes too much. This isn’t healthy and can lead to emotional burnout.

Now as an adult, you might find it difficult to express your emotions, even to the people closest to you. It’s not that you don’t feel things deeply, you do. It’s just that expressing them feels unfamiliar, even uncomfortable.

If this resonates with you, it’s important to remember that it’s okay to feel and it’s necessary to express. Your emotions are valid and sharing them is a part of being human.

Recognising this is the first step towards learning to express your emotions in a healthy way.

Thoughts to ponder

Finding yourself nodding along to these signs, it’s likely your strict upbringing has left its imprint.

But here’s the silver lining – this recognition is your first step towards transformation.

These habits and tendencies you’ve developed are not your fault, nor are they your destiny. With self-awareness and a bit of patience, you can shift these patterns and create a life that truly reflects who you are.

Start by noticing when these habits show up. When do you find yourself being overly critical? When do you struggle with spontaneity? Pay attention to these moments and gently remind yourself that it’s okay to let go of old patterns.

Consider seeking support from a counselor or therapist who specializes in childhood influences. They can provide tools and strategies to help you understand and navigate these behaviors.

Above all, be kind to yourself during this process. Change takes time and unlearning old patterns is not always easy.

But rest assured, each small step you take towards understanding and accepting yourself will bring you closer to the life you want and deserve.