Navigating the world of relationships can often feel like a minefield.

And when you’re in a relationship with a covert narcissist, it can feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells.

A covert narcissist does not necessarily show their true colors upfront.

They are crafty, cunning, and oh-so-subtle, making it even trickier to spot the signs.

The thing about being in a relationship with a covert narcissist is that it’s not always obvious.

But certain red flags can act as indicators.

It’s time to put your well-being first and understand the signs.

1) They’re masters of guilt trips

In the realm of relationships, one red flag that often flies under the radar is guilt-tripping.

Covert narcissists, with their subtle manipulation tactics, are experts at this game.

These individuals have a knack for making you feel guilty about things you shouldn’t even be apologizing for.

They have a way of spinning situations to make it seem like you’re always the one to blame.

A classic example is when they mess up, but somehow, it ends up being your fault.

Or when they play the victim card and make you feel bad for not meeting their unrealistic expectations.

Guilt trips are a manipulative tactic to gain power and control in a relationship.

And if you find yourself constantly saying sorry for things you haven’t done, it may be time to reassess.

A healthy relationship fosters understanding and mutual respect, not blame and guilt. 

Keep an eye out for this red flag, as it’s often a sign of covert narcissism.

2) They show a lack of empathy

There’s one memory from my past relationship that sticks out like a sore thumb.

I had just lost a loved one and was going through a really tough time.

Instead of offering comfort or support, my partner seemed distant, almost cold.

In hindsight, it was a glaring sign of their lack of empathy – another common trait in covert narcissists.

They often struggle to connect with the emotions of others, making it difficult for them to offer genuine comfort or understanding when they need it most.

In my case, the emotional disconnect was hard to ignore.

Instead of being met with an empathetic ear and a shoulder to lean on, I was faced with indifference and aloofness.

If you find that your partner struggles to show empathy during your times of need, it could be a red flag.

Empathy is the bedrock of a healthy relationship. Without it, the bond can quickly turn toxic.

3) They always have to be right

Covert narcissists tend to be argumentative and always aim to come out on top, no matter what.

They simply cannot stand the idea of being wrong, even over trivial matters.

Research has shown that people with narcissistic tendencies are more likely to engage in persistent arguing and less likely to use effective problem-solving methods in their relationships.

It often feels like you’re walking on eggshells, constantly having to be careful about what you say or do to avoid triggering an argument.

Even when you know you’re right, you might find yourself backing down just to keep the peace.

This constant need for them to be right at all costs can wreak havoc on your mental health and overall happiness in the relationship.

If your partner can never admit they’re wrong, it might be a sign of covert narcissism.

4) They belittle your achievements

One of the many joys of being in a relationship is having someone to share your victories with, no matter how small.

But with a covert narcissist, this can be a different story.

You might notice that instead of cheering you on, they downplay your accomplishments or even make them about themselves.

It could range from a subtle remark that belittles your success, to outright ignoring or dismissing your achievements.

This behavior stems from their need to feel superior and in control.

And while it might seem insignificant at first, over time it can seriously damage your self-esteem and confidence.

A healthy relationship should uplift and support you.

It’s not just unsupportive, it’s a classic red flag of covert narcissism.

5) They’re incredibly charming… but only sometimes

Covert narcissists can be incredibly charming, but their charm often comes with a flip side.

They use it as a tool to draw you in, only to switch off when they no longer need to impress you.

This “switch” can be quite disorienting.

One moment they’re the life of the party, making you feel like the most special person in the room, and the next moment they’re cold, distant, and indifferent.

This inconsistent behavior is often referred to as “hot and cold” treatment.

It’s designed to keep you on your toes and make you work harder for their attention and approval.

While everyone has their ups and downs, a consistent pattern of hot and cold behavior could be a red flag that you’re dealing with a covert narcissist.

6) They make you question your sanity

There’s a term in psychology called “gaslighting”, and it’s a manipulative technique often used by covert narcissists.

It involves twisting and turning facts to make you question your reality and sanity.

Imagine constantly being told that what you remember isn’t true, or your feelings are invalid, or your concerns are just your imagination running wild.

Over time, this can lead to self-doubt, and confusion, and even make you question your sanity.

It’s a deeply damaging and heartbreaking form of emotional abuse.

It chips away at your confidence and makes you feel like you’re losing grip on reality.

If you find yourself questioning your memory or your perception of events regularly, it might not be just forgetfulness or your imagination.

It could be a sign that you’re being gaslighted by a covert narcissist.

Always trust your gut instincts and seek help if you feel like this is happening to you.

You’re not alone.

7) They isolate you from your support network

When I look back, I realize how slowly and subtly it happened.

First, it was a remark about a friend, then a disagreement about family visits.

Before I knew it, I was seeing less and less of the people I cared about.

Covert narcissists often use isolation as a control strategy.

By creating a divide between you and your support network, they ensure that they become your primary influence and source of emotional support.

This can lead to feelings of loneliness and increased dependency on the narcissist.

It’s a manipulative tactic that can leave you feeling trapped in the relationship.

A good partner encourages healthy relationships with others, not hinder them.

8) They’re overly critical and judgmental

Another sign of a covert narcissist is their tendency to be overly critical and judgmental.

They might criticize the way you dress, the things you say, or even your dreams and ambitions.

This criticism often comes under the disguise of “just being honest” or “trying to help you improve”, but the underlying motive is to undermine your self-confidence and make you feel inferior.

It’s important to remember that constructive criticism is a part of any healthy relationship.

But if it’s a constant stream of negativity aimed at belittling you, then it’s not constructive—it’s damaging.

It’s about their need to feel superior and in control.

Don’t let it shake your self-worth.

9) They’re never truly accountable

In a relationship with a covert narcissist, you might notice that they never truly take accountability for their actions.

There’s always an excuse, someone else to blame, or a way to deflect the focus away from their shortcomings.

This lack of accountability is not just frustrating, but it’s also harmful.

It prevents any real growth or change from happening in the relationship.

Everyone makes mistakes.

But it takes a mature and emotionally healthy person to own up to them.

If your partner consistently avoids taking responsibility for their actions, it could be a red flag of covert narcissism.

Final thoughts: It’s about self-love and respect

Navigating the waters of a relationship with a covert narcissist can be quite challenging.

Their manipulative tactics and subtle signs can be hard to spot, leaving you feeling confused, isolated, and emotionally drained.

But remember this – you have the right to be in a relationship that fosters mutual respect, understanding, and growth.

One that makes you feel loved, appreciated, and secure.

If you’ve spotted several of these red flags in your relationship, it may be time for a serious conversation or even professional help.

But the most important thing is not to blame yourself.

Covert narcissism is a complex psychological phenomenon, far beyond the realm of normal relationship issues.

It’s not about what you did wrong but about their inability to engage in healthy relational behaviors.

In the end, it all comes down to self-love and respect.

You deserve to be in a relationship that uplifts you, not one that brings you down. 

Take these red flags seriously, trust your instincts, and always prioritize your mental and emotional well-being.