What type of personality attracts women? 

Ask a psychologist and you’ll get a list of character traits that we can all rattle off: reliable, smart, funny, and so on. 

But what about those rare personality traits that go above and beyond? 

What about those men who have women falling in love left, right and center. 

What sets them apart?

Let’s take a look at the unique and rare character traits that define the man of her dreams.

1) Emotional intelligence (EQ)

The ability to express and manage emotions in a creative and nuanced way is highly attractive to women. 

High emotional intelligence (EQ) attracts women at the deeper level and allows them to forge a more enduring connection. 

Those with high EQ are able to speak the language of women and respond more synchronously to their moods and phases as well. 

This is all enormously attractive to women, as it means the high-EQ person will be a responsive and understanding partner. 

2) Selective and specialized attention

Women find men highly attractive who don’t give out their attention too easily. 

But when they do give their attention it means so much more. 

This is known as selective attention-giving and is deeply attractive to females. 

“Research corroborates the difference in attractiveness between someone who pays equal attention to everyone, versus someone who seems to be uniquely interested in you,” explains prosecutor and mental health writer Wendy Patrick, JD, PhD. 

“In the absence of obvious red flags that would indicate an ulterior motive, we are far more likely to respond to selective attention.”

This ties directly into the next point as well: 

3) Not easily seduced

Women are deeply attracted to men who are a little bit hard to get. 

But there’s a catch:

They have to actually be hard to get, not playing it as a game or strategy. 

“Sexy people are just a little hard to attract,” notes psychologist Randi Gunther, PhD.

“And they’re not behaving that way because they are manipulating the situation or playing games.”

They just truly are a bit busy, truly focused on their own goals and truly satisfied with themselves and what they’re doing in life. 

They may show interest in a woman, but they aren’t dependent on how things go or whether or not she’s interested. 

4) Self-awareness and vulnerability

Men who have the courage to show genuine emotions and vulnerabilities without pretense are deeply attractive to women. 

This does not mean that men have to tell all their insecurities and use self-help buzzwords or anything:

But it means that a certain level of self-awareness and desire to improve themselves.

When a man is willing to at least selectively open up about how he’s doing and what he’s feeling it lets a woman in to his world. She feels the connection building. 

5) Curiosity with empathy 

Along with being a little hard to get, the deeply attractive man is still curious and empathetic. 

He’s not “trying” to get people to like him or interact with him, but he’s just naturally interested in other people, in life and in a bevy of different topics. 

“When a person exemplifies characteristics associated with compassion such as empathy, kindness, and selflessness, they are more desirable partners,” note Rosemary Sword and Philip Zimbardo, PhD, referencing various psychological studies.

Men who are compassionate and empathetic along with curiosity and asking questions are highly attractive to women. 

They have a deep interest in others’ lives and experiences coupled with genuine understanding and genuine desire to understand more. 

This relates directly to the next point: 

6) Intellectual humility 

Women are deeply attracted to confidence, but it has to be tempered by humility. 

This is especially true of intellectual humility.

A man who insists on being right or refuses to give a hearing or space to other points of view and experiences, often finds that many women distance themselves. 

This is because they sense a low amount of agreeableness in such a man. 

By contrast, they are attracted to a person with the trait of remaining intellectually humble even if they are an expert or extremely knowledgeable. 

This also includes a man’s willingness to admit when he is wrong, to recognize the limits of his knowledge and to be open to learning more. 

7) Playfulness and humor

Being present and enjoying the moment with a playful and light-hearted attitude is deeply attractive to women.

This is different than an unserious man or a clown. Such men are deeply unattractive to most women.

Rather, this man is just a bit mischievous. He can still be taken seriously and is a competent and smart individual, but he doesn’t forget to have fun and crack a joke now and then.

As Gunther points out:

“Sexy people are playful. They are having fun with the possibilities of connection but enjoy the process rather than needing to complete it.”

This lack of attachment to outcome, coupled with a fun attitude and approach makes a big impression on a woman and draws her interest and enjoyment. 

8) Narrative intelligence 

Women are very attracted to the art of storytelling. 

This means a person who can weave together compelling, emotional and meaningful stories and anecdotes. 

These can be especially powerful and attractive if they draw on his own experiences and life lessons. 

They should also be true.

The skill of weaving engaging and meaningful stories from everyday experiences and of being a man who can catch people’s attention and keep their interest is deeply attractive to a woman. 

9) Active listener and reflective

The ability to listen deeply and reflect back what others are expressing is very attractive to women. 

This can be hard for women to find in many men, especially those who are less self-reflective or who are driven a lot by their ego. 

“When researchers ask women which traits are most important in a romantic partner, they rarely mention physical attractiveness,” explains Social Psychology Professor Madeleine A. Fugère PhD. 

“In response to an open-ended question in our own recent research project, women responded that honesty, respectfulness, and trustworthiness were the three most important traits in a male partner.”

This respectfulness of listening actively and really hearing what’s being said is extremely attractive to a woman and is something she tries to emulate in her own self as well. 

10) Interpersonal synchronization 

The man who has a knack for naturally matching others’ emotional and conversational rhythms is deeply attractive to a woman. 

He’s confident and interesting, but he doesn’t “insert” himself into interactions or conversations:

He goes where he’s wanted and he naturally finds his place. 

He’s not afraid to be alone and do his own thing, too. 

And when he’s around her he synchronizes to her mood, understanding it and adapting accordingly, instead of imposing or forcing his own mood and frame onto her.