Have you ever wondered why some individuals are exceptionally nice?

It’s easy to assume that they’re just naturally kind-hearted. But what if there’s more to this behavior than meets the eye?

According to psychology, individuals with low self-esteem often hide behind certain ‘nice’ behaviors.

It’s not that they’re insincere or trying to manipulate others. Rather, these behaviors serve as coping mechanisms to deal with underlying self-doubt and insecurity.

Recognizing these patterns can be a game changer. It can be the first step towards understanding yourself better and starting the journey towards self-improvement.

So, are you ready to dive deep and take a closer look at these behaviors? Let’s get going.

1. They often apologize unnecessarily

Ever met someone who says sorry too often? You might think they’re just super polite, but this could be a sign of low self-esteem.

According to psychology, individuals with diminished self-worth tend to apologize excessively, even when there’s no need for it. It’s almost like they’re saying sorry for existing.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Apologizing when you’ve done something wrong is a mark of maturity.

But when you find yourself saying sorry for things that aren’t your fault or are beyond your control, it might be worth taking a closer look at why.

Here’s the thing: people with low self-esteem often feel they’re in the wrong or that they’re a burden to others.

They may feel that they’re constantly making mistakes or causing inconveniences, leading them to apologize more than necessary.

In essence, this constant apologizing is a way of managing their fears and insecurities. It’s their way of trying to maintain harmony and avoid any potential conflict or criticism.

But here’s what’s important: saying sorry too much can actually undermine your self-esteem further. It can reinforce the belief that you’re always in the wrong or less important than others.

So, the next time you catch yourself about to apologize, pause for a moment.

Ask yourself if you really did something wrong, or if you’re just saying sorry out of habit or fear of conflict. 

2. They avoid confrontations

Another behavior that people with low self-esteem often exhibit is avoiding confrontations.

They’d rather stay silent or change the subject than engage in any form of disagreement or conflict. Does this sound familiar?

Confrontation can be uncomfortable and nerve-wracking, especially for those who struggle with self-worth.

They may feel they don’t have the right to express their thoughts, opinions, or feelings, especially if they differ from those of others.

In their minds, expressing disagreement might lead to rejection, criticism, or conflict – things they desperately want to avoid because they doubt their ability to handle them.

From a psychological perspective, this behavior makes sense. If you’re already dealing with low self-esteem, the last thing you want is a situation that could potentially make you feel worse about yourself.

But as the team at Psychology Today points out, “When you overly avoid conflict, you pay a dear price in your overall self-esteem and self-confidence.”

So, if you find yourself avoiding confrontations at all costs, it might be time to start working on your self-esteem.

Learning to express your thoughts and feelings respectfully and assertively is not only important for healthy relationships but also for your own sense of self-worth.

You have every right to voice your opinions and stand your ground. Your thoughts and feelings matter just as much as anyone else’s.

3. They overextend themselves

Are you always the first one to volunteer for extra tasks at work? Are you constantly helping friends, even at the cost of your own needs and well-being?

If so, this could be a sign of low self-esteem.

People who struggle with their self-worth often overextend themselves. They’re always ready to lend a hand, hoping to prove their worth and win approval from others.

It’s as if they believe they have to earn their place in the world by being excessively helpful or agreeable.

I had a friend who was always there for everyone—even when it meant sacrificing her own time and energy. She would never say no, even when she was already overwhelmed.

Over time, I noticed that this behavior stemmed from her low self-esteem. She felt she had to constantly prove her worth by being useful to others.

While it’s great to help others, overextending yourself can lead to burnout and resentment.

It can also reinforce your low self-esteem because you’re essentially telling yourself that your needs and well-being are less important than others’.

So if you find yourself always saying yes, even when you really want to say no, it may be time to take a step back and reassess. 

Remember: Your value doesn’t come from being useful to others. You’re valuable just as you are. It’s okay—and necessary—to put your own needs first sometimes.

As the folks at Positive Psychology said, “Learning how to say no isn’t merely a skill; it’s an act of self-preservation and empowerment.”

4. They struggle with setting boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries is fundamental to any relationship. Yet, for those with low self-esteem, this can be a major challenge.

They often allow others to overstep their limits, due to fear of rejection or conflict. So, they end up compromising their needs and feelings to keep the peace.

I knew a guy who would always go along with whatever his friends suggested—even when he didn’t want to. He feared that asserting his preferences would lead to disagreement or rejection, so he just went along with the crowd.

This comes across as “nice” behavior, but it’s actually a defense mechanism.

If you already feel insecure about your worth, standing up for yourself can feel incredibly risky. 

Unfortunately, according to psychologists, this creates a terrible feedback loop–low self-esteem creates boundary problems, which then makes you feel worse about yourself.

If you struggle with this, it might be time to start practicing speaking up for yourself.

You have every right to assert your needs and set limits on what you’re comfortable with. And trust me, doing so can be incredibly empowering!

5. They are overly critical of themselves

Another common trait of individuals with low self-esteem is being overly critical of themselves.

They have a habit of magnifying their flaws and mistakes, while downplaying or completely dismissing their achievements and positive attributes.

This self-critical behavior is a way of dealing with feelings of inadequacy. It’s as though by identifying and acknowledging their flaws, they can prevent others from pointing them out.

However, being overly critical only serves to drive home those negative self-beliefs and further erodes self-esteem.

If this resonates with you, I’d like to share something I read in shaman and teacher Rudá Iandê’s new book, Laughing in the Face of Chaos: A Politically Incorrect Shamanic Guide for Modern Life.

It’s a really unconventional book that’s perfect for those who want to unpack and rewrite the stories they’ve always told about themselves, many of which are hand-me-downs from family, culture, and even the algorithms shaping our feeds.

One insight that struck me was this:

“We live immersed in an ocean of stories, from the collective narratives that shape our societies to the personal tales that define our sense of self.”

Reading it nudged me to question the “not-enough” script I’d carried for years, to treat emotions as messengers rather than enemies, and to choose authenticity over perfection—one small, honest step at a time.

The book inspired me to treat emotions as messengers rather than enemies and to practice kinder self-talk—not as a way to ignore mistakes, but to learn from them without tearing myself down.

6. They constantly seek reassurance

We’ve all known someone who constantly seeks approval or validation, right? They’re the ones who may ask for your opinion or approval frequently, or who seem to need constant affirmation of their worth.

This constant need for reassurance is often linked to their struggle to believe in their own worth. Without external validation, they feel lost or unsure of themselves.

While it’s normal to seek validation from others occasionally, relying on it to feel good about yourself can be problematic.

Self-esteem comes from within. It’s about recognizing and appreciating your own worth, not seeking it from others.

7. They struggle with decision making

Lastly, psychology shows that individuals with low self-esteem often find decision-making challenging.

Why? Because they’re scared of making the wrong choice and facing criticism or disappointment as a result.

They may constantly second-guess themselves or defer decisions to others to avoid potential mistakes or blame.

This fear of decision-making is tied to their low self-worth. They don’t trust themselves and fear that their choices will lead to negative outcomes.

But the fact is, everyone makes mistakes—it’s how we learn and grow.

Being indecisive or constantly deferring to others doesn’t prevent mistakes; it just keeps you from developing trust in your own judgement.

Rounding things off

Recognizing these behaviors in yourself or others can be a crucial first step towards self-improvement.

It’s worth remembering that these behaviors are not definitive signs of low self-esteem, but they can often serve as indicators.

But here’s the good news: once you’re aware of these patterns, you can start working on them. Improving self-esteem is a journey that often involves self-reflection, patience, and plenty of self-compassion.

Remember: everyone has moments of self-doubt and insecurity—it’s part of being human.

The goal isn’t to eliminate these feelings completely, but rather to learn how to manage them effectively and not let them dictate your life.

So, if you recognize any of these behaviors in yourself, consider it an opportunity for self-growth. You’re already on the path to boosting your self-esteem just by reading this article and gaining awareness.

Here’s to a journey full of self-discovery and self-improvement!