As parents, many of us worry about whether we’ve “done enough.” Did we raise them well? Did we make the right choices?

The truth is, one of the clearest signs of success isn’t measured in grades, career achievements, or even milestones—it’s whether your children still choose to spend time with you once they’re grown.

When the kids are little, they don’t have a choice. They’re attached to you by necessity. But as adults, they’re free to decide.

If they carve out time to call, stop by for dinner, or take a trip together, it speaks volumes about the foundation you laid years ago.

Here are seven habits and choices that often create the kind of bond adult children want to hold onto.

1. You respected their individuality

One of the most powerful gifts you can give a child is the freedom to be who they truly are.

Parents who respect individuality send a clear message: “You don’t have to be me. You get to be you.”

That doesn’t mean you agreed with every choice. Maybe your daughter dyed her hair neon green in high school, or your son quit soccer even though you had secretly hoped he’d be the star player.

Respecting individuality means letting them try things, even when they confused or surprised you. Over time, this created trust—they learned they could share their real selves with you without fear of being dismissed.

This idea reminds me of something I recently read in Rudá Iandê’s new book, Laughing in the Face of Chaos: A Politically Incorrect Shamanic Guide for Modern Life. He writes: “You have both the right and responsibility to explore and try until you know yourself deeply.”

That line struck me because it’s the same principle that applies in parenting. By letting your kids explore, make mistakes, and grow, you gave them the foundation to discover who they really are.

And when someone feels truly seen in childhood, they’re far more likely to want to stay close as adults.

2. You made time for small, everyday moments

Big vacations and birthday parties might stand out in photo albums, but it’s the little moments that build lifelong bonds.

Eating dinner together, going on evening walks, laughing at the same TV show—these are the threads that weave connection.

I remember when my own kids were younger, I’d sometimes feel guilty that I couldn’t afford extravagant trips or fancy gifts. But years later, when they talk about their favorite memories, it’s never the “big” stuff.

They mention things like Saturday pancake breakfasts, sitting on the porch during thunderstorms, or bedtime stories. Those small habits mattered more than anything money could buy.

Just like with any relationship, the one you have with your child depends on your being truly present. When your children grew up knowing they could have your attention in those everyday interactions, you created a bond that carried into adulthood.

3. You modeled healthy conflict resolution

Arguments are inevitable in any family. The difference lies in how they’re handled.

Parents who know how to disagree without tearing each other down teach their children that conflict isn’t something to fear. It’s something you can move through with respect.

If your children saw you and your partner work through challenges calmly—or even witnessed you apologize when you were wrong—they absorbed that as normal.

On the other hand, households where shouting, cold silences, or door-slamming ruled often left kids anxious or hesitant to engage.

Now that they’re adults, your children likely feel safer sharing honest thoughts with you, because they trust that disagreements won’t shatter the relationship.

That kind of stability creates a natural pull to keep coming back.

4. You encouraged independence without guilt

How do you know if you raised independent kids? Watch what happens when they start making big life choices—moving out, picking a career, marrying someone you didn’t necessarily expect.

Did you support them, or did you lay on the guilt?

Children who grow up with encouragement instead of guilt develop confidence. They learn that their successes are theirs to own, not extensions of their parents.

And when mistakes happen—and they always do—they know they won’t be shamed for them.

Supporting independence doesn’t mean you never worried. Every parent does. But it does mean you trusted them to figure things out.

That trust often translates into adult children who actually want to circle back, because the relationship feels like support rather than control.

5. You showed affection consistently

When we think of affection, we often picture hugs and kisses. But affection also lives in the small gestures: a pat on the back after a long day, a warm “I love you” before bed, or the way you kept showing up at their soccer games.

I once had a friend who told me her parents rarely said “I love you,” though she knew they cared. Now, as an adult, she struggles to express affection to others.

That always reminded me how crucial consistency is. Words and actions need to line up.

Studies in child development have shown that children who grow up in environments rich with affection tend to develop stronger emotional regulation and more secure attachments.

In other words, they’re not only more likely to thrive, but also more likely to stay connected to the people who gave them that foundation.

If your kids still reach for a hug in adulthood, that’s a testament to the habits you built early on.

6. You supported their dreams, not just your expectations

Every parent has hopes for their kids. But the real test comes when those hopes clash with the child’s own vision.

Did you push them into the family business, or did you let them chase that degree in art history?

When children feel supported in pursuing what excites them, they develop a deep sense of gratitude.

Adult children often measure closeness by how much they feel “accepted.” Supporting their dreams, even the ones you don’t fully understand, sends the message that your love isn’t conditional.

That makes them want to include you in their adult life.

7. You apologized and grew alongside them

Have you ever said “I’m sorry” to your children? If so, you modeled something many adults never see.

Parents who can admit mistakes show their kids that authority doesn’t mean infallibility. It means honesty, humility, and growth.

I’ll admit, this was hard for me when my kids were younger. I thought being the “dad” meant always being right.

But as they grew, I realized that owning my mistakes didn’t make me weaker—it made me more human.

I remember apologizing to my son after snapping at him during a stressful work week. Years later, he told me that moment taught him how to handle his own conflicts.

When kids see their parents learning and evolving, they internalize the lesson that growth is lifelong. They don’t hold you to a pedestal—they respect you as someone real. That kind of respect creates a bond that endures well into adulthood.

Final thoughts

If your children still enjoy spending time with you as adults, take a moment to appreciate what that really means.

They’re choosing you, out of all the people in their busy lives. That choice is built on years of trust, respect, affection, and support.

Parenting never ends—it just shifts. The bond you created in those early years continues to ripple forward, shaping how your children show up in the world and how they show up with you.

You may not have done everything perfectly—no parent does—but if your adult kids still call to ask your opinion, invite you to dinner, or linger a little longer on the porch before heading home, that’s proof you did something profoundly right.