When you grow up with emotionally immature parents, childhood doesn’t feel like childhood.

You’re not met with consistent warmth, or steady guidance, or the kind of emotional support kids naturally crave. Instead, you might find yourself managing their moods, walking on eggshells, or learning to hide parts of yourself just to keep the peace.

At the time, it feels normal. You don’t have another reference point. But those early patterns don’t just disappear when you become an adult.

They show up in subtle ways—in the way you relate to partners and friends, as well as in the standards you set for yourself.

The truth is, many of the habits you carry now were once survival strategies. They kept you safe in a household where your parents couldn’t always meet you where you were. But as an adult, those same habits can quietly hold you back.

Let’s break down seven of the most common ones, and why recognizing them is the first step toward changing them.

1. You second-guess your emotions

When your parents constantly told you to “stop crying” or brushed off your feelings as an overreaction, you learned not to trust your own emotional experience.

Instead of leaning into what you felt, you started second-guessing whether your sadness, anger, or even joy was valid.

As an adult, you might find yourself asking, Am I overreacting? or Do I even have the right to feel this way?

This self-doubt can be exhausting, but it’s not a character flaw—it’s a survival strategy that once kept you safe from criticism.

2. You take on other people’s problems

Here’s a question: did you feel like the “adult” in your household growing up?

Many children of emotionally immature parents learn early on to carry emotional weight that isn’t theirs. Maybe you listened to your parent vent about their bad day, or you tried to smooth over fights between them and your siblings.

This role reversal, sometimes called parentification, has been studied extensively in family psychology. According to psychologists, children who take on adult responsibilities too young often experience anxiety and difficulties with boundaries later in life.

Now, as an adult, you might find yourself taking responsibility for your partner’s moods, your coworkers’ stress, or your friends’ problems.

You jump in to fix things—even when it’s draining—because you learned long ago that harmony depended on you.

3. You struggle with boundaries

I still remember the first time I tried to tell my mom “no” as a teenager. She wanted me to join her on an errand, and I said I needed to finish a school project instead.

She got upset, accused me of being selfish, and I ended up going with her anyway. That experience made it clear: saying no wasn’t safe.

Children of emotionally immature parents often grow up without healthy boundary models.

When your parent treated your needs as optional or burdensome, you learned to bend rather than assert yourself. Boundaries felt like conflict, and conflict felt dangerous.

In adulthood, that can look like overcommitting, saying yes when you’re exhausted, or avoiding tough conversations. The habit of self-sacrifice becomes automatic, even when it leaves you resentful.

4. You fear abandonment more than most

Why do some people panic when they sense even the slightest distance in a relationship?

For many adult children of emotionally immature parents, it’s because they grew up in an environment where love felt conditional. Attention and affection weren’t stable—they could disappear depending on the parent’s mood.

Attachment theory sheds light here. Psychologist John Bowlby’s work on attachment shows that when caregivers are inconsistent, children often develop anxious attachment patterns. These patterns can carry into adulthood, where the fear of being abandoned or rejected shapes how you approach relationships.

If you find yourself clinging too tightly to partners or obsessing over whether friends really like you, it’s not because you’re “needy.” It’s because your nervous system was trained to expect instability, and it’s still on guard.

5. You downplay your achievements

One of the quietest but most painful habits children of emotionally immature parents pick up is minimizing their successes.

If your parents rarely celebrated you, shifted the focus back to themselves, or even criticized you for bragging, you learned that standing out wasn’t safe.

I remember winning a writing award in high school and rushing home to tell my dad. His response? A quick “That’s nice,” followed by a lecture about how I shouldn’t let it “go to my head.” In that moment, my excitement turned into shame.

As an adult, this shows up as brushing off compliments, staying quiet about achievements, or convincing yourself you don’t deserve recognition. It’s not humility—it’s protection against disappointment.

6. You become a people-pleaser

Have you noticed how quick you are to adjust your behavior to keep others happy? Many children of emotionally immature parents develop strong people-pleasing habits because it was the only way to get scraps of affection or avoid conflict.

Now, as an adult, you might smile when you don’t feel like it, agree when you want to say no, or mold yourself into whoever you think the other person needs you to be.

It works in the short term—but it often leaves you feeling invisible in the long run. Learning to step out of people-pleasing means embracing imperfection and risking disapproval in order to live authentically.

This is something Rudá Iandê touches on in his book Laughing in the Face of Chaos: A Politically Incorrect Shamanic Guide for Modern Life. He reminds us: “Their happiness is not your responsibility.” For people-pleasers, that truth can feel radical. But it’s also liberating.

7. You hide your vulnerability

Here’s a question: how many times did you hear “Don’t cry” or “Get over it” as a child?

Emotionally immature parents often sent the message that vulnerability was weakness. So you learned to put on a mask—brave, cheerful, or detached—even when you were hurting inside.

This habit can stick with you well into adulthood. You may find yourself struggling to ask for help, downplaying your struggles, or keeping pain to yourself because you fear being judged.

On the surface, you look strong. Underneath, you may feel isolated.

The irony is that vulnerability is one of the deepest sources of connection. For children of emotionally immature parents, though, learning to let that guard down takes time—and courage.

Final thoughts

Growing up with emotionally immature parents shapes the way you see yourself, others, and relationships. The habits you picked up were survival strategies that helped you navigate a childhood where your needs weren’t consistently met.

The good news? Once you see these habits clearly, you can begin to unlearn them. Therapy, journaling, and healthy relationships can all help you replace old coping strategies with new ones that support your well-being.

If you recognize yourself in these patterns, know this: you’re not broken. You adapted. And now you have the chance to grow into someone who doesn’t just survive—but thrives.