Being raised by Boomer parents in the 80s was a different experience.

My mom worked double shifts as a nurse while my dad came home from construction sites still covered in sawdust to cook us dinner. Between those two things, my sisters and I were basically left to our own devices most of the time.

And you know what? We turned out fine.

When I look at how my friends with kids parent today, the contrast is wild. GPS trackers, scheduled playdates, helicopter supervision at every turn. I get the world feels scarier now, but I can’t help wondering if we’ve overcorrected.

What looked like neglect by today’s standards actually taught us some pretty valuable lessons about independence, resilience, and problem solving.

So let’s talk about the things our parents did that would probably get them investigated today, but somehow made us more capable adults.

1) We walked or biked everywhere alone

Remember the phrase “be home when the streetlights come on”?

That was basically the extent of parental tracking in my neighborhood. No phones, no check-ins, just pure autonomy.

My sisters and I would ride our bikes miles from home, exploring random neighborhoods and getting lost more times than I can count.

Today, a parent letting their eight-year-old bike around unsupervised would probably get a visit from child protective services. But back then, it was just a regular day for us.

The thing is, getting lost and finding your way back teaches you spatial awareness and problem solving in a way that Google Maps never will. You learned to pay attention to landmarks, ask strangers for help when needed, and develop that internal compass that tells you which way is home.

Sure, we scraped our knees and sometimes ended up farther from home than we probably should have been. But we also learned that we could handle things on our own.

2) We stayed home alone for hours

Latchkey kids were everywhere in the 80s and 90s.

My best friend Marcus and I both got our house keys on strings around our necks in fourth grade. We’d let ourselves in after school, make questionable snack choices, and entertain ourselves until our parents got home from work.

For cohorts born in the 1970s, being allowed to use the stove alone typically happened in fourth to fifth grade, while for those born in the 1990s, this didn’t happen until middle school.

Today’s parents often can’t fathom leaving kids alone until they’re teenagers. But being home alone taught us responsibility. You had to follow rules without someone watching. You had to manage your time, not burn the house down, and figure out what to do when something went wrong.

I once flooded our bathroom trying to “fix” a running toilet. Called my mom at work in a panic. She talked me through shutting off the water valve over the phone and told me to mop it up. That was it. No rushing home, no disaster.

It taught me that mistakes happen and you deal with them.

3) We played outside unsupervised for entire days

Summer days were basically a whole rhythm: eat breakfast, go outside, come back for lunch if you remember, play until dinner.

Adults didn’t have to organize activities for us or create structured schedules. It was on us to figure out what to do with ourselves.

And so we did, in the most imaginative ways. We built forts, played elaborate games we made up on the spot, and settled our own disputes without anyone mediating.

This unstructured play was huge for development, even if we didn’t realize it. Through self-directed play, children learn to rely on themselves and problem-solve on their own, building resilience and critical thinking skills.

My sisters and the neighborhood kids would create entire worlds in our backyard. Sometimes arguments broke out. Sometimes someone got their feelings hurt. And we worked it out ourselves because there weren’t any parents hovering to intervene.

That social navigation you learn as a kid, without adult interference, is invaluable. You figure out conflict resolution, negotiation, and how to read social cues in real time. 

This brings me to the next point…

4) We were expected to figure things out ourselves

“Go figure it out” was my dad’s favorite response to almost everything.

Need help with homework? Look it up in the encyclopedia.

Bored? Find something to do.

Can’t get your bike chain back on? Watch someone else do it and learn.

The 80s were full of busy grownups who almost always pushed back when kids asked for help, whether it was how to use a hair dryer, an iron, or a stove.

This would probably be considered dismissive parenting today. But it forced us to develop resourcefulness. You couldn’t just ask Alexa or text your parents. You had to think, experiment, and sometimes fail before you succeeded.

I spent hours trying to beat levels in video games without walkthroughs. Built things without instructions. Cooked meals by trial and error. Sometimes the results were disasters, but the process taught me persistence.

The satisfaction of solving something yourself, without someone swooping in to help, builds a different kind of confidence.

5) We had minimal safety equipment

Bike helmets were barely a thing until the late 90s. And knee pads? Never heard of them.

We rode in the back of pickup trucks on highways. Sat in the front seat without seatbelts. Played on metal playground equipment that could literally burn your skin on a hot day. The monkey bars were over concrete, not that cushiony rubber stuff.

Looking back, yeah, it was dangerous. Kids got hurt more often. But we also developed a healthy understanding of physical risk and consequences.

You learned pretty quickly that if you went too fast down that hill without being able to brake properly, you were going to eat pavement. That if you jumped off the top of the swing set, landing was going to hurt.

Modern playgrounds are definitely safer, and that’s probably good. But something was lost when we removed all physical risk from childhood.

Through exploring their environment and trying new things, children learn to navigate obstacles through trial and error, building physical skills like balance, coordination, and agility.

6) Family dinners were simple and non-negotiable

My dad would come home from work in his construction clothes and cook whatever was cheap and easy. Hamburger Helper. Tuna casserole. Spaghetti with jarred sauce.

There were no negotiations about what we were eating. No separate kids’ menu. You ate what was served or you went hungry. And you showed up when dinner was ready, or you missed it.

This sounds harsh by today’s standards, where kids often have different meals prepared and eating times revolve around their schedules. But it taught us that the world doesn’t cater to our preferences.

I hated peas, but I ate them anyway because that’s what was for dinner. And eventually I learned to appreciate different foods. More importantly, I learned that sometimes you do things you don’t love because that’s what the situation requires.

Those family dinners also meant actual family time without devices, even if the food wasn’t Instagram-worthy.

7) We experienced real boredom regularly

“I’m bored” was met with “go find something to do” or the dreaded “I can give you some chores.”

There was no endless stream of entertainment. You had books, board games and puzzles if you were lucky, otherwise it was just you and your thoughts and whatever you could come up with.

As dire as that sounds, that boredom was actually productive. It forced creativity. You made up games, explored your imagination, learned to entertain yourself. Some of my best childhood memories came from being so bored I had to invent something to do.

I recently picked up Rudá Iandê’s book “Laughing in the Face of Chaos” after seeing it mentioned in a few places, and one insight that stuck with me was about how we’re constantly trying to escape discomfort.

He writes, “The more we try to escape or numb the chaos within, the more powerful the currents become.” I think that’s so helpful at a time when we can no longer stand the slightest bit of boredom. 

Today’s kids rarely experience true boredom with constant digital stimulation. They’re missing out on that particular kind of problem solving that comes from having absolutely nothing to do.

8) Adults had clear boundaries and we respected them

Back then, when adults were talking, kids didn’t interrupt. When a door was closed, you knocked. When parents needed space, you gave it to them.

The 80s had different expectations for children, with parents being clearer about where their lines were and what it meant to respect those lines.

This seems almost archaic now. Modern parenting often revolves entirely around kids’ needs and wants. But having boundaries taught us that other people’s time and space mattered.

My mom would close her bedroom door after her double shifts and we knew not to bother her unless someone was literally bleeding.

Was it ideal that she worked herself to exhaustion? No. But did it teach us that adults are human beings with their own needs? Absolutely.

We learned that we weren’t the center of the universe. That sometimes other people’s needs came first. That adults deserved respect not just because of authority, but because they were people.

Today’s parenting culture sometimes struggles with this. Kids interrupt constantly, demand immediate attention, and often don’t learn that others have valid needs too.

There’s something valuable in teaching kids that they’re important, but not always the most important person in every situation.

Rounding things off

I’m not suggesting we go back to the days of total free-range parenting. Some things have genuinely improved. Bike helmets are good. Car seats save lives. Knowing where your kid is has value.

But I think we’ve swung too far in the other direction. In trying to keep kids completely safe, we’ve removed opportunities for them to learn resilience, independence, and problem solving through actual experience.

The kids who survived 80s and 90s parenting learned to handle uncertainty, manage risk, and trust themselves. We figured things out. We got hurt and recovered. We learned that we were capable.

My friend with a six-year-old won’t let him walk to the neighbor’s house alone. It’s three houses down. On a quiet street. I get the impulse to protect, but what message does that send about the kid’s capabilities?

Maybe the sweet spot is somewhere in the middle. Letting kids take age-appropriate risks while still being present and supportive. Giving them chances to fail and figure things out while ensuring they’re fundamentally safe.

Because ultimately, our job as parents or future parents isn’t to shield kids from everything difficult. It’s to prepare them to handle life when we’re not there to manage it for them.