I grew up in a neighborhood where no one talked about “networking” unless it was in reference to the cable guy.

We didn’t think of ourselves as socially clumsy; we just thought the way we did things was normal.

It wasn’t until I moved away for work and started rubbing elbows with people from very different backgrounds that I began to notice the small habits and unspoken rules that separated us.

Some of these differences were charming—our no-nonsense honesty, for example, went over surprisingly well in boardrooms. But others? They quietly limited opportunities, strained relationships, and reinforced stereotypes without us even noticing.

The truth is, social mistakes aren’t exclusive to any one income bracket. But when you grow up lower-middle-class, certain patterns are easier to miss because everyone around you is doing the same thing.

Here are some I’ve seen—sometimes in others, sometimes in the mirror—that are worth paying attention to.

1. Mistaking bluntness for honesty

One of the social traits I carried into adulthood from my upbringing was a tendency to “tell it like it is.”

I used to think that pulling no punches was a sign of integrity. And while there’s value in honesty, unfiltered bluntness can make you seem abrasive or inconsiderate—especially to people who value tact as much as truth.

I still remember my first big work dinner in the city. Someone at the table asked what I thought of the appetizer, and without hesitation I said, “Tastes like someone dropped it in the dishwasher.”

People laughed—but it was the awkward kind of laugh, and the conversation moved on quickly. I realized later that while I was going for humor, my bluntness didn’t exactly endear me to the chef or the person who had recommended the dish.

In professional and social settings, this kind of blunt comment might be meant as harmless truth, but it’s received as judgment or even disrespect.

The socially skilled people I’ve learned from don’t dilute honesty—they wrap it in empathy and timing. They know that delivering the truth in a way the other person can hear isn’t weakness; it’s wisdom.

2. Equating self-deprecation with humility

Where I’m from, making fun of yourself is practically a love language. It’s a way of showing you’re not “too good” for anyone and that you’re in on the joke.

But there’s a fine line between self-deprecating humor and unintentionally lowering other people’s perception of your competence or worth.

In environments where you’re trying to earn trust—job interviews, networking events, even dating—constant self-deprecation can make you seem insecure or unconfident.

The key is balance. A little humor at your own expense can be disarming. Too much, and people might start believing you really do think less of yourself.

3. Assuming everyone shares the same reference points

This one took me the longest to notice.

Growing up, everyone around me had similar life experiences, hobbies, and cultural touchpoints. We talked about the same sports teams, the same local restaurants, the same high school drama.

When you bring those hyper-local references into wider circles, they can fall flat.

Joking about the price of beer at the corner bar doesn’t land if no one’s been there. Complaining about a local politician means nothing to someone from another state.

Socially skilled people read the room and adjust their references so they’re inclusive, or they use them as a quick story to bring others in rather than as a conversation shortcut.

4. Viewing formality as “putting on airs”

In many working-class environments, formality—whether in speech, dress, or manners—can be seen as pretentious.

You don’t want to come off like you’re trying to be “better than” anyone else.

The problem is, in other settings, that same casual approach can be read as sloppy or unprofessional.

For example, skipping small courtesies like addressing someone by their title at first meeting, or showing up in overly casual clothes, can unintentionally send the message that you’re not taking the situation seriously.

The most adaptable people I’ve met aren’t formal all the time—they just know when it’s the right move and aren’t afraid to use it.

5. Overcompensating to fit in

When you feel out of place — maybe because you’re in a wealthier crowd or a new social circle — it’s easy to swing too far in the opposite direction.

You might laugh louder than usual, agree with everything, or try to mirror the way others talk and behave.

The problem is, people can sense when someone is overcompensating. It creates a slight tension because your reactions don’t quite feel like you.

Ironically, this can make others feel less comfortable around you, not more.

Social confidence comes from allowing small differences to exist. You don’t need to have the same hobbies, taste, or opinions as everyone in the room to be welcomed.

In fact, bringing your own perspective — without pushing it — is usually what makes you memorable in a good way.

6. Talking more than listening in unfamiliar situations

When you feel out of place—say, at a work conference or in a social group that’s not “your people”—it’s natural to fill the space with your own voice.

I’ve done this many times, thinking I was showing interest and engagement, only to realize I was steamrolling the conversation.

The socially skilled people I’ve observed in those same settings have a different approach.

They ask more questions than they answer, and they let silence work for them instead of against them.

They make people feel heard, which is a much more memorable quality than being the loudest voice in the room.

7. Believing generosity is only about money

One of the biggest misconceptions I’ve seen—and one I held for years—is that you can’t be generous if you don’t have a lot of disposable income.

In reality, generosity is just as much about time, attention, and resource-sharing.

Some of the most socially magnetic people I’ve met in recent years didn’t buy anyone a drink, but they connected people to opportunities, remembered important details, and offered their skills freely.

When you grow up watching generosity mostly in the form of financial help, it’s easy to overlook these other forms. But once you embrace them, your social influence expands in ways money alone can’t achieve.

Final thoughts

Class background shapes the way we interact, often in ways we can’t see from the inside.

The habits we inherit aren’t inherently bad—many of them come from deeply admirable values like loyalty, humility, and self-reliance.

But if we want to thrive in a range of social environments, it’s worth examining which of those habits still serve us and which might be holding us back.

After all, social skill isn’t about erasing where you came from. It’s about adding range, so you can walk into any room—whether it’s the corner bar or the executive suite—and feel at home.