Deciding to settle down with someone is a big step—not to be rushed into lightly.

Before you make that commitment, there are some important questions you should ask yourself.

These questions are meant to help you truly understand if you’re ready for this next phase of your life.

So, let’s dive into 8 questions that will help you assess if you’re ready to settle down with someone. 

1) “What’s the rush?”

Like the lyrics of that famous love song say, “Wise men say, only fools rush in…”

In other words, settling down is a major commitment, so don’t rush into it like it’s some kind of race. 

So, take a moment, slow down, and ask yourself: Why the rush? Is it because of societal expectations, or do you genuinely feel ready for this step?

Just like in sales, where social pressure can sway decisions, it’s important to figure out if external factors are pushing you towards settling down, or if it’s a choice you’re making for yourself.

Every relationship moves at its own pace. Don’t let the fear of missing out influence yours.

2) “Do you share common values?”

One of the most important aspects of any relationship is shared values.

I can’t stress this enough — you don’t have to agree on everything, but the core values? They should be a match.

In my work as a relationship expert, I’ve seen many couples deeply in love, but their relationships faltered because they didn’t share the same values.

So, take a moment to ask yourself: Do you and your partner have common values? 

Are your life goals similar? Do you both want kids and agree on how to raise them? Do your views on money, religion, or politics match up?

It goes beyond love or attraction—it’s about aligning on the important aspects.

If your core values don’t line up, it might be a sign to pause and reconsider before taking the next step. Love is powerful, but it can’t bridge fundamental differences in life goals.

3) “Can you be independent within the relationship?”

This point hits close to home for me. As a relationship expert and author, one of the most common issues I’ve seen in relationships is codependency.

Codependency can be a serious roadblock to a healthy relationship. It’s important to maintain your individuality, even when you’re part of a couple.

Can you pursue your hobbies, spend time with your friends, and enjoy alone time without feeling guilty or anxious?

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into this topic, providing practical advice and strategies for maintaining independence within a relationship.

Before you decide to settle down, ask yourself: Can I remain independent within this relationship? Am I able to balance my personal growth alongside the growth of our partnership?

Make no mistake: Two wholes make a healthy relationship, not two halves. And settling down should never mean giving up your individuality.

4) “Are you okay with the flaws?”

Here’s a bit of unconventional advice: Instead of just focusing on what you love about your partner, take a moment to consider their flaws.

Yes, you heard that right. No one is perfect; we all have our quirks and imperfections.

And when you’re thinking about settling down with someone, you’re not just signing up for their best qualities, but also their not-so-great ones.

Maybe they’re not a morning person, or they leave dishes in the sink, or they have a stubborn streak. These quirks and flaws might not seem like a big deal now, but over time, especially when you’re sharing living space, they can turn into major sources of conflict.

So, ask yourself: Can I live with their flaws? Not just tolerate them, but genuinely accept them as part of who my partner is?

5) “Do they bring out the best in you?”

Now, let’s shift the focus onto you with a bit of personal insight.

In my years of navigating relationships—both my own and those of my clients—one thing stands out: The right person should bring out the best in you, not the stress in you.

When you’re with them, do you feel like the best version of yourself? Do they motivate you, inspire you, and support your dreams?

If the answer is yes, that’s a great sign.

But if being with them brings out insecurities, negativity or constant tension, it might be time to reconsider.

6) “Are you settling?”

This question might be difficult to ask yourself, but it’s crucial – Are you settling?

Sometimes, fear of being alone or the ticking biological clock can make us settle for less than we deserve.

But remember, settling down doesn’t mean you have to settle for less.

Are you with this person because you genuinely want to spend your life with them, or because you’re afraid of not finding someone better?

Be brutally honest with yourself. If deep down, you feel that you’re compromising on your heart’s true desire, it might be time to reassess.

Choosing to spend your life with someone should be about wanting them, not needing them. It’s about recognizing their worth and your own. Settling down should feel like an upgrade to your life, not a compromise.

7) “Are you ready for the “For Worse” part?”

We’ve all heard the famous wedding vows – “for better, for worse, in sickness and in health”. But how many of us truly consider what those words mean?

In my personal experience and from countless relationship stories I’ve heard, it’s easy to commit to the “for better” part. The sunny days are a breeze. But what about when the storm hits?

Before settling down, consider if you’re ready and willing to weather the storms with your partner. Can you stick by their side during tough times?

If the answer is a resounding yes, then you’re on the right track.

8) “Are you truly happy?”

At the end of the day, this is what it boils down to – Are you truly, deeply, consistently happy with this person?

It’s a simple question, but it might be the most important one you ask yourself.

Strip away the societal pressures, the fear of loneliness, the biological clock ticking, and just focus on your happiness.

A relationship shouldn’t just look good on paper or in pictures. It should feel good in your heart.

Are you happier with this person in your life? Do they add to your joy? Do they make your life better just by being in it?

Keep in mind: When it comes to happiness, you can’t fake it until you make it. If you’re not feeling happy now, settling down won’t magically change that.  

A last word

Before I go, here’s some friendly advice: take your time when it comes to settling down with someone.

It’s tempting to rush into things, especially when you’re feeling the pull of love or societal pressure. But trust me, rushing into a serious commitment can lead to regrets down the line.

Take a step back, breathe, and really think things through. Are you truly ready for this next step? Do you and your partner share common values and life goals?

It’s perfectly okay to take things slow and make sure you’re making the right decision for yourself. Your future self will thank you for it.

For more insights on maintaining independence and avoiding codependency in relationships, check out my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.

And remember, the right person won’t just survive the storms with you but will dance in the rain alongside you. Take your time, trust your gut, and choose happiness above all.