Sometimes life throws us a curveball and we find ourselves feeling unhappy without really knowing why. It can be a frustrating place to be.

Understanding the root cause of our unhappiness is often the first step towards tackling it.

And I believe there are certain questions that you can ask yourself to reveal the underlying issues.

In this article, I’ll share those questions with you.

These introspective queries can provide the clarity you need to start working on your happiness and well-being. So, let’s dive right in.

1) “What am I not doing?”

It’s surprising to realize that often, our unhappiness stems from what we’re not doing, rather than what we are.

This could be anything – from neglecting our physical health, to ignoring our need for creativity or social connection.

The first question to ask yourself is: “What am I not doing that I know would contribute to my happiness?”

This question calls for a moment of self-reflection and honesty.

It’s about identifying those things that you know would make you feel better, but for various reasons, you’re not doing them.

Perhaps you’re not exercising regularly, or you’re not spending enough time with your loved ones.

Maybe you’ve been ignoring a passion or hobby that used to bring you joy.

By identifying what you’re not doing, you can start making changes and take steps towards improving your overall happiness.

2) “Am I living in alignment with my values?”

This is a big one for me, personally. I remember a time when I felt deeply unhappy, and couldn’t quite understand why.

From the outside, I seemed to have everything going for me.

It wasn’t until I asked myself, “Am I living in alignment with my values?” that things started to make sense.

I realized that even though my life appeared perfect on paper – good job, comfortable lifestyle – it was out of sync with what truly mattered to me.

I valued creativity and freedom, but my 9-5 desk job didn’t offer much of either.

I craved meaningful relationships, but my busy schedule left little room for deep connections.

The disconnect between my values and my reality was the root cause of my unhappiness.

So, ask yourself this question: Are you living a life that’s in alignment with your core values?

If not, it might be time to reevaluate and make some changes.

This can be a challenging process, but it’s often an essential step towards finding happiness again.

3) “Am I too focused on the past or future?”

Many of us spend a significant amount of our time mentally living in the past or future.

This can cause us to feel unhappy in the present, even when there’s no apparent reason for it.

Ask yourself: “Am I spending too much time thinking about what has been and what might be, rather than what is?”

If your answer is yes, it might be time to practice mindfulness and bring your attention back to the present moment. 

This can help you find joy in the here and now, rather than constantly seeking it elsewhere.

4) “Do I compare myself to others?”

We live in a world that’s constantly encouraging us to compare ourselves to others.

Social media feeds are full of people sharing their best moments, achievements, and possessions, making it easy to feel like we’re falling behind.

This comparison can lead to feelings of inadequacy and unhappiness. So ask yourself: “Do I often compare myself to others?”

If the answer is yes, it might be time to step back from the comparison game. Keep in mind, everyone’s journey is unique and we all have our own pace.

Try focusing on your own growth and progress instead of comparing it to others.

This shift can make a huge difference in your overall happiness level.

5) “Am I neglecting my physical health?”

Our physical health can have a significant impact on our emotional well-being.

If you’re feeling unhappy and can’t pinpoint why, it could be related to your physical health.

Ask yourself: “Have I been neglecting my physical health?”

This could mean irregular sleep patterns, poor nutrition, lack of exercise, or ignoring symptoms that something might be wrong.

If you find that you’ve been neglecting your physical health, it’s time to prioritize it.

Start by making small changes like incorporating more fruits and vegetables into your diet, or taking a short walk daily.

Your body and mind are interconnected. Taking care of one often leads to improvements in the other.

6) “Am I letting fear hold me back?”

Fear is a powerful emotion. It can keep us from taking risks, pursuing our dreams, or even expressing our true feelings.

Ask yourself: “Am I allowing fear to dictate my choices and hold me back?”

If you find that fear is playing a significant role in your life, it’s time to confront it. This isn’t easy, but it’s crucial for your happiness.

Acknowledge your fears, allow yourself to feel them, and then gently remind yourself that they do not define you or control your destiny.

7) “Am I seeking external validation?”

Once upon a time, I found myself constantly looking for approval from others.

Whether it was my work, my appearance, or my choices, I wanted confirmation that I was “good enough”.

The question you need to ask yourself is: “Am I seeking validation from external sources?”

If you’re always seeking approval from others, it can be a sign that you’re not giving yourself the love and acceptance you need.

It’s essential to learn to validate yourself. You have your unique journey, and only you can truly understand the depth of your experiences.

Start by celebrating your small victories and accomplishments.

Over time, you’ll find that your happiness no longer relies on what others think of you. It’s a liberating experience.

8) “Am I spending time with the right people?”

The people we surround ourselves with can greatly impact our mood and perspective on life. They can either lift us up or bring us down.

So ask yourself: “Am I spending time with people who enrich my life?”

If you’re consistently around negative or toxic individuals, it’s likely to affect your happiness.

Seek out those who inspire you, encourage you, and make you feel good about yourself.

It’s okay to distance yourself from people who drain your energy.

After all, happiness is contagious, and being around positive, uplifting people can significantly improve your mood and outlook on life.

9) “Am I being true to myself?”

At the end of the day, nothing contributes to our happiness more than being true to ourselves.

Living inauthentically can lead to feelings of unease and discontent.

So, the final and perhaps most significant question to ask yourself is: “Am I being true to myself?”

If you find that you’re not, it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate.

Living authentically means embracing who you are, honoring your feelings, and pursuing your passions.

It’s about making decisions that align with your authentic self, not what others expect of you.

Being true to yourself is the foundation of genuine happiness. Without it, all the other elements can feel hollow.

Final thoughts: It’s a journey

The journey towards understanding our happiness is deeply personal and unique to each of us.

It’s often a process of introspection, self-discovery, and gradual change.

The questions we’ve explored here are not an exhaustive list or a quick fix.

They are stepping stones to help you navigate the complex landscape of your emotions.

Remember, it’s okay not to have all the answers right away. It’s okay to feel unsure or overwhelmed at times.

The key is to remain patient and gentle with yourself as you work through these questions.

By turning inward and confronting these questions, you’re taking a courageous step towards awakening your own understanding of happiness.

And that in itself is something to be celebrated.

So as you continue on this journey, celebrate the small wins, embrace the challenges, and most importantly, be true to yourself.

Because in the end, the journey towards understanding our happiness is one of the most important journeys we’ll ever embark on.