Ever stopped to think about how much of who we are is shaped by those random moments with our dads?

Umberto Eco, the Italian writer and historian, really hits home with this idea: “I believe that what we become depends on what our fathers teach us at odd moments, when they aren’t trying to teach us. We are formed by little scraps of wisdom.” 

Isn’t that lovely? It’s not just about the formal lessons our fathers teach us, more so, it’s those little, unexpected gems of wisdom dished out during daily life.

And all of these tiny, beautiful moments add up to something big: they shape us into the person we are destined to be.

Of course, this is the best case scenario. I totally get that not everyone has had the most positive upbringing or relationship with their dad (and I’m one of those people!).

But if you’re looking for more of a playbook for the kind of amazing father you’re setting out to be, well, you’ve come to the right place, friend.

I’ve poured over five groundbreaking studies into the psychology of great dad-ing so you don’t have to.

Let’s get started, shall we?

1) An awareness of what it means to be a dad

A man cannot be a great parent without understanding what it means to be one. So, it all starts with the big A: awareness.

A Korean study on the effects of psychological variables of father’s role on parenting participation expanded on this concept.

Researchers said: “Fathers who first become aware of the role of child-rearing become more active in participatory actions.”

They elaborated on this by noting that dads who nurture this awareness are better able to come to terms with what is specifically required of them as a parent, and this allows them to perform these duties more successfully.

This basically means that dads who take the time to understand what it means to be a parent, especially to their own kids, handle the whole fatherhood thing so much better. 

In this sense, they’re not just providing for their children in a traditional sense, they’re emotionally invested too, making sure each child feels truly heard and supported. 

They’re fully tuned in to what their family needs, which makes all the difference in how they navigate being a dad.

Researchers in this study also expanded on their findings on paternal awareness with the fact that society has seen a major “paradigm shift” in the past century.

And thank god for that.

This shift has influenced society to favor “a kind and friendly father to the one standing on his patriarchal authority and giving a sense of distance.”

It also explored how a father’s participation as a parent is key in facilitating “young children’s emotional and social development” as well as improving their “cognitive skills.”

If you’re interested in diving a little deeper into the psychology of parenting, particularly in the realm of dads, I’d definitely recommend giving this study a read over a cuppa.

2) Loads of emotional warmth

A 2022 study in the journal Frontiers in Psychology found that “emotional warmth” was a major indicator of a great father. 

While it doesn’t elaborate on what this warmth looks like, my read is that this warmth involves genuinely (and enthusiastically) engaging in conversations with the kid, validating their feelings, and demonstrating empathy. 

Plus things like hugs, kisses, cuddles, and various forms of physical affection go a long way, too!

Researchers did fortunately explore what emotional warmth does not look like, and that included “parental psychological control behaviors” such as “guilt induction and intrusion.”

These kinds of negative behaviors or patterns from a dad can mess with a kid’s head.

Why? Well, when dads tend to lay on the guilt or invade every aspect of their child’s life, they’re suffocating their independence and self-esteem. 

This can create a tense atmosphere at home, with constant conflict and resentment brewing, and kids might even start acting out or turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Great fathers are able to give lots of love, but also give their kids space to breathe and grow—not suffocate them with guilt trips and control.

The study also concluded that high levels of “paternal emotional warmth” were key indicators of a child’s future intellectual ability and academic performance. So feel free to bookmark that one, too!

3) How well they get along with their partner, or co-parent

Ever heard the phrase, “Kids are like sponges”? As in they are prone to soaking up every bit of energy around them?

You’ve probably found this when you’ve accidentally dropped the F word around a kid, but this spongeing ability also covers the vibes between their parents. 

According to a piece by the Association of Child Psychotherapists, one of the most significant aspects of a great father is how they get along with their partner, or co-parent.

“Children, including very young infants, are very sensitive to the emotional atmosphere around them.”

They continue. “If things are fraught between the parents – maybe about money worries or other stresses, not just about their relationship – children will react.”

Kids. It’s like they’ve got a sixth sense for detecting the tension in the room. 

That’s why a dad who can navigate the ups and downs with his partner or co-parent, ensuring there is harmony and balance in the home, is worth his weight in gold. 

Because when the home operates smoothly, kids can focus on what they do best: being curious, fun, imaginative, and let’s face it: downright cute.

4) The ability to listen deeply

A 2019 study exploring intergenerational perspectives on fatherhood raised some interesting points on what it means to be an A-grade papa.

Interestingly, it dived into how much men, as well as their parenting style, can be shaped by their fathers, and their fathers before that.

“Patterns of father involvement and the quality of father-child relationships tend to be passed down across generations,” said researchers.

Researchers went on to explore that one of the biggest signs of a great father was listening, namely listening to their child’s perspective during an argument.

When I think of a good dad, I tend to think of a master listener—someone who is patient and free from judgment or harsh criticism.

If there’s a heated argument in the house, maybe about curfew or why school assignments need to be done, a not-so-great dad might jump in with their own thoughts, maybe even shut down the kid’s POV from the get-go.

But not the great dad. They’re all about tuning in, really hearing what their kid has to say.

They have a much-needed skill for deeply understanding where their child’s coming from, even when emotions are running high.

5) A sense of fun and play

Do some of your best memories of your father involve play?

This same 2019 study also found that, fascinatingly, at around the age of nine, children are most likely to perceive a strong connection with their dad.

And much of this comes from their father’s ability, and willingness, to “engage in physically active play”.

This active play includes “playing games like peek-a-boo and “gotcha”, singing songs and nursery rhymes, playing with toys or blocks.”

So, although being a great dad comes down to awareness, listening, patience, and all that good stuff, trust me… it’s nothing without a bit of goofy inner-child sprinkled in!

This means that great fathers are able to engage in some serious playtime with their little one. 

I mean, have you ever seen a dad who can turn a living room into a plane or a backyard into the Amazon rainforest? Isn’t that the kind of stuff childhood memories are made of?

So, when you see a dad rolling around, pretending to be the Loch Ness monster or having a tea party with Barbie dolls, you know you’ve stumbled upon a real one.