As the saying goes, “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”

Aging brings wisdom and confidence, especially for men who learn to assert themselves better over time. 

But what exactly changes?

What qualities do men develop to become more self-assured?

Let’s uncover these along with what the experts say about them.

Who knows? 

As we go through the qualities, we might just challenge ourselves to apply some or all of them to boost our own confidence and assertiveness.

That said, here are the 13 qualities of men who become more confident and assertive as they get older, according to psychology:

1) They commit to lifelong learning and personal growth

As they grow older, men dedicate their time and effort to learning something new or re-learning what they already know.

This could mean getting into a new sport, tackling a new woodworking project, or finally discovering the joys of gardening.

This isn’t them being bored.

What’s really happening here is that as they age, learning is more about having a strong sense of purpose and achievement, which in turn boosts their overall confidence and assertiveness.

 

In fact, research shows that by constantly learning, people pick up new ways to understand and speak up about what they need and want, which is a big part of assertive behavior. 

2) They clearly understand their strengths and weaknesses

Mature men don’t just focus on things around them.

They also continue to learn more about themselves.

As they age, men become better at understanding their own strengths and weaknesses. 

It’s this quality of self-awareness that helps them become more confident and assertive. 

As psychologists say, people who aren’t assertive often just go along with others to avoid arguments, ignoring their own wants.

But men who get better at knowing what they’re good at and what needs work end up doing the opposite. 

This means they end feeling self-assured and speaking up more clearly.  

3) They have high self-esteem

When you know your strengths, you naturally believe in your abilities and trust your judgment. 

This is especially true for men who, as they age, achieve personal and professional success  and overcome a lot of challenges along the way.

This high self-esteem, built through time and experience, helps them stand firm in their decisions and makes them more confident and willing to speak up about what they want.

Psychotherapist Moshe Ratson supports this, saying that “being assertive about what you want affirms your right to want what you want – even if there’s little chance of getting it.”

It’s a bit of a tongue twister but his point is loud and clear, right?

4) They’re effective communicators

Speaking of voicing your wants, this is done effectively when you have great communication skills.

And this is something men progressively become better at as they age.

They’ve learned the art of assertive communication.

Psychology expert Dr. Elizabeth Scott explains this form of communication is one where you say what you need and how you feel in a straightforward manner, but doing so without stepping on anyone else’s toes.

With age comes wisdom and for many men, this means getting better at getting the right timing and tone, which makes their communication more engaging and assertive.

5) They manage their emotions well

Their mastery of the art of assertive communication also includes getting a better grip of their reactions. 

What does this mean?

They’ve learned to handle tough emotions by stepping back and thinking things through instead of impulsively reacting.

This helps them handle stress and disagreements without blowing up or blaming others.

And Ratson confirms that the ability to manage feelings well is what being assertive is all about. 

In other words, assertiveness isn’t about getting what you want or making others feel worse. 

It’s truly about sharing your feelings and thoughts in a way that keeps things calm and constructive.

6) They manage stress effectively 

As they age, men not only learn to manage their feelings well, but also learn to adopt healthier stress management techniques.

Effectively managing their stress has a similar impact as managing their emotions:

It helps them stay composed and assertive during challenging times. 

Research supports this idea:

A team of psychiatrists found that those who engaged in regular stress management activities tend to perform better in their careers, which in turn, significantly boosts their confidence. 

7) They use confident body language

 

Confident body language is a given for men who become more confident and assertive with age.

This includes maintaining eye contact, standing tall, and using appropriate facial expressions. 

Think of your male friends, family or peers who you’ve known since they were young.

I bet 99% of them are no longer the timid teenagers they once were, right?

This didn’t happen by accident. 

The things they’ve been through as they age taught them that confident body language works just as much as confident speech. 

Psychologist Dr. Jeremy Sutton agrees with this wholeheartedly, emphasizing that “if you look confident, others will see you as self-assured and assertive even before you begin to speak.”

8) They set and maintain boundaries

Boundaries protect our time, energy, and well-being, ensuring we do not overextend ourselves. 

This is something men (and women) come to understand better and better as they get older. 

That’s why it’s not uncommon to see people, as they get older, become good at clearly defining what is acceptable and what is not for them. 

After all, they’ve had their fair share of overwork and overwhelm so it’s reasonable that they want to avoid burnout and maintain a healthy work-life balance. 

Dr. Sutton adds that maintaining boundaries also helps manage relationships better.

In the case of aging men, setting healthy boundaries is their way of letting people around them understand and respect their limits.

9) They approach problems with a solution-oriented mindset

As they get older, men tend to focus on finding effective solutions rather than dwelling on the issues.

Positive Psychology contributor and Educator Dr. Tiffany Millaci notes that assertiveness helps people voice valuable ideas and relevant opinions especially in tough situations. 

But how does this relate to being more confident and assertive for men?

Focusing on what can be done instead of what’s going wrong helps them stay positive and proactive.

This makes them more confident and respected, especially when they can back up their ideas with action.

10) They make decisions confidently and quickly

Because they focus on solutions rather than problems, they avoid “analysis paralysis”. 

This means they don’t spend too much time overthinking or worrying that they’re making mistakes.

Dr. Sutton highlights this important role of decisiveness in one’s assertiveness: It allows for firm decision making confidently and promptly.

Let’s be real:

Men never say no to anything that boosts their ego. 

And what’s more ego and confidence boosting than stepping up to make bold decisions, proving to themselves and others that they have what it takes to lead.

11) They are flexible and open to change

Being firm on their decisions doesn’t mean they’re completely close-minded.

In fact, Dr. Millaci notes that adaptability is also an important facet of assertiveness. 

She says being adaptable allows people to maintain assertiveness without crossing into aggressiveness or passivity.

What does this mean for men as they get older?

Their flexibility lets them adjust their strategies without compromising their assertiveness. 

Simply put, it allows them to handle surprises and changes confidently and effectively, without losing their cool.

12) They act consistently with their values and principles

Integrity is also something that men strengthen as they grow older.

Ratson says “integrity is empowering”. 

This is perhaps why men who have integrity also have a great deal of confidence and assertiveness, more noticeable in the older years.

Let’s zoom into this in more detail:

When they stick to their values, they gain respect from others and themselves.

This respect builds their confidence because they know they’re doing the right thing.

And as they get older, this confidence grows, making them more assertive.

13) They bounce back from setbacks and failures

Last, but definitely not the least, on our list of qualities of men who become more confident and assertive as they age is resilience.

Dr. Millaci makes an interesting point, saying that the right to make mistakes is “part of the dimensions of assertiveness.”

 If anything, her statement highlights the role of resilience in assertiveness.

Look at it this way:

Thanks to the failures and setbacks they experienced in their younger years, men learn to adapt and overcome. 

This develops in them a “thicker skin”, which makes them more confident and assertive in their choices and actions as they grow older.

Confidence and assertiveness have no age nor gender

There you have it, 13 traits shared by men who become more confident and assertive as they age.

But if you really think about it, these traits are helpful for everyone, regardless of gender or age. 

This brings my attention to you – and myself. 

What can we do today to become more confident and assertive? 

At the end of the day, it’s never too late (or early) to work on our confidence and assertiveness, right?

As American athlete Jackie Joyner-Kersee reminds us: “Age is no barrier. It’s a limitation you put on your mind.”