There’s a big difference between being a supportive parent and a harmful one.

It usually comes down to certain traits. Bad parenting isn’t about one slip-up; it’s more about a pattern of behavior that can really hurt kids over time.

Psychologists have pointed out eight specific traits that bad parents tend to have. And it’s not always about obvious things like neglect or abuse.

It might be tough to hear, but it’s important for anyone involved in raising a child.

1) Lack of empathy

It’s not uncommon to find parents struggling with empathy.

Psychologists have repeatedly pointed out the importance of empathy in good parenting. Empathy allows us to tune into how someone else is feeling, to understand their emotions from their perspective. It’s about feeling with people, and it’s a fundamental aspect of successful parenting.

On the flip side, a lack of empathy is one of the most common traits found in bad parents.

When parents consistently fail to show understanding and compassion for their child’s feelings and needs, it can cause significant emotional harm.

2) Inconsistent discipline

Discipline is a tough nut to crack for many parents, including me.

I remember a time when my son, only five at that time, threw a tantrum in the middle of a grocery store. It was embarrassing and I felt the pressure from onlookers. In that moment, I gave in to his demands just to pacify him.

Later, it struck me. My inconsistency in disciplining him was setting a wrong precedent. One day I would set rules and the next day break them myself.

This was not just confusing for him but also leading him to believe that rules can be broken if you fuss enough.

Psychologists note that inconsistent discipline is another common trait among bad parents. Children need structure and clear boundaries to feel secure and learn how to navigate the world.

When parents are inconsistent with discipline, it can be confusing and unsettling for children.

Being consistent with your rules and their enforcement is crucial for effective parenting. Trust me, learned this one the hard way!

3) Neglecting their own needs

This might sound counterintuitive, but bad parenting often involves neglecting the parent’s own needs, not just the child’s.

Yes, parenting is about selflessness and putting your child’s needs before your own. But what happens when you don’t take care of yourself?

Research shows that parents who consistently put their needs on the back burner can end up feeling stressed, resentful, and burnt out.

This can lead to impatience, irritability, and a lack of energy to give to their children.

Self-care among parents leads to more positive parenting behaviors and better mental health outcomes for their children.

So while it might feel selfish at times, taking care of your own physical and emotional health is an essential part of being a good parent. It’s not just beneficial for you, but also for your children.

4) Overbearing control

As a parent, it’s natural to want to guide your child and protect them from harm. But there’s a fine line between guidance and overbearing control.

When parents exert too much control, whether it’s over what their child eats, who they play with, or how they spend their free time, it can stifle the child’s ability to grow, learn, and become independent.

Psychologists often find this trait in bad parents – a need to control every aspect of their child’s life. This heavy-handed approach can lead to children feeling pressured, stressed, and unable to make decisions on their own.

Our goal as parents is not to create a mini version of ourselves, but to help our children become the best versions of themselves.

This involves giving them the freedom to explore, make mistakes, and learn from them.

5) Excessive criticism

It breaks my heart to see parents using words as weapons.

Words have power. They can build up or tear down. And when parents use their words to excessively criticize their children, it can leave lasting scars.

Such parents may think they’re pushing their children to do better, to strive for more.

However, what they’re really doing is eroding their child’s self-esteem and creating feelings of unworthiness.

Children need encouragement, not constant criticism. They need to hear that they’re loved and valued, not just for what they do but for who they are.

Your words as a parent can shape your child’s future. Make sure they’re words of love, support, and encouragement.

6) Lack of communication

Growing up, dinner times at my house were silent affairs. My parents believed in the “children should be seen and not heard” rule. Back then, I longed for conversations, for a chance to share my day, my thoughts.

When I became a parent, I made a promise to myself – my home would be filled with discussions, stories, and laughter.

The lack of communication is a trait in bad parenting. Parents who do not communicate effectively with their children create a barrier that can affect the child’s emotional development.

Open, honest communication allows your child to feel heard, understood, and valued. It’s through these shared conversations that you build a strong bond of trust and respect with your child.

So make it a point to talk to your children, to actively listen to what they are saying.

It’s not just about what they did in school or whether they’ve finished their homework. It’s about their dreams, their fears, their joys. Because these conversations matter more than you may realize.

7) Favoritism

Every child is unique and brings something different to the family dynamic. However, when parents start playing favorites, it can lead to a world of hurt.

When one child is consistently preferred over another, it can create feelings of resentment and low self-esteem in the less favored child.

It’s important to remember that each child has their own strengths and weaknesses. Celebrating these differences, instead of comparing them, can help create a more positive family environment.

Every child deserves to feel loved and valued for who they are, not in comparison to their siblings. It’s our job as parents to make sure this happens.

8) Absence of love

At the end of the day, the most damaging trait in bad parenting is an absence of love.

Children need to feel loved and cherished. It’s not about the material things you can provide or the achievements they can boast about.

It’s about knowing that they are loved unconditionally, for who they are, with all their quirks and flaws.

Without this sense of love and acceptance, children can grow up feeling lost, insecure, and unimportant.

As parents, our most important job is to make sure our children know they are loved. Every. Single. Day. Because love is what truly makes a family.

Final thoughts: It’s about growth

A key aspect of this journey is understanding the impact of our behaviors on our children. As we’ve seen, psychologists have identified these eight traits as common in bad parenting.

However, no parent is perfect. We all make mistakes, and that’s part of being human. The important thing is to learn from these mistakes and strive to do better.