Sometimes, being in a relationship can feel like walking on a tightrope—we need to hold back from saying words and phrases that, when said, can tip the balance and cause strife.

And let me tell you, some of these phrases are like emotional landmines in a relationship that can blow everything out of proportion when you trip on them.

Don’t get me wrong, this article isn’t meant to teach you how to tiptoe around your partner or hide your feelings.

We simply should be more aware of how our words can impact others.

So let’s discuss some phrases that psychology suggests you steer clear of in a relationship if you want to keep the peace.

1) “You always…” or “You never…”

In the heat of a disagreement, it’s easy to fall into the trap of using absolutes like “always” and “never.”

But these words are like a red flag to a bull—they only aggravate the situation.

Our psychology tends to interpret these absolute terms as attacks, resulting in defensive behavior.

They can also undermine the validity of your point by making your statements seem exaggerated or unfair.

Instead, try to frame your concerns in terms of your feelings and perceptions.

Instead of saying, “You never do the dishes,” try something like, “I feel like I’m often the one doing the dishes, and it would be helpful if we could share this task more evenly.”

Keep in mind that the goal here is not to “win” the argument; it’s to resolve the issue in a way that respects both parties’ feelings and perspectives.

Avoiding these absolute terms helps keep the focus on the issue at hand rather than escalating into personal attacks.

2) “Fine, do whatever you want”

This is one I’m guilty of using myself.

It may seem like a way to end a disagreement quickly, but it’s a phrase that’s loaded with passive aggression.

I remember once when my partner wanted to go out with friends while I preferred a quiet night in.

Instead of expressing my feelings, I said, “Fine, do whatever you want.”

In hindsight, this phrase didn’t communicate my true feelings.

It came off as dismissive and made my partner feel guilty for wanting to go out.

But psychologically speaking, open and honest communication is key in any relationship.

If you’re feeling upset or neglected, it’s better to express these feelings directly rather than resorting to passive-aggressive phrases.

So instead of saying, “Fine, do whatever you want,” I’ve learned to say something like, “I was really looking forward to spending the evening with you, but if you’d rather go out with your friends, we can plan something together for another time.”

This way, I’m expressing my feelings without putting the other person on the defensive.

3) “If you loved me, you would…”

This phrase is a classic example of emotional manipulation in a relationship.

It’s a way of trying to guilt someone into doing what you want by questioning their love or commitment.

Ironically, using such manipulative tactics can actually make your partner love you less.

Instead of resorting to emotional blackmail, it’s healthier and more constructive to express your needs and desires directly.

You could say something like, “It’s really important to me that we spend quality time together. Could we set aside some time this weekend for just the two of us?”

By expressing your needs directly and respectfully, you’re more likely to get your needs met while also maintaining a healthy dynamic in your relationship.

4) “Why can’t you be more like…”

Comparing your partner to others, whether it’s an ex, a friend, or a fictional character, can be deeply hurtful.

It sends the message that they’re not good enough as they are.

This phrase creates unnecessary tension and can lower one’s self-esteem.

It’s essential for you to understand and respect that, like everybody else, your partner has their own unique strengths and weaknesses, and you shouldn’t be comparing them to anyone because that’s unfair on their side.

If you find yourself wanting to make this comparison, try talking about the behavior or trait you appreciate instead.

For instance, instead of saying, “Why can’t you be more like my friend, he’s always on time” try saying, “I really appreciate it when people are punctual, it makes me feel respected.”

This means you should address the behavior rather than making personal comparisons.

This promotes open and constructive communication rather than fostering resentment.

5) “Whatever”

While it may seem harmless, “whatever” can be one of the most destructive phrases in a relationship.

It’s often used to dismiss a partner’s feelings or opinions and can create a sense of resentment and disregard.

This single word can convey indifference and a lack of respect, which are two of the most harmful elements in a relationship.

Rather than resorting to “whatever,” try to engage in the conversation, even if it’s difficult.

Expressing your feelings or thoughts, or simply acknowledging your partner’s viewpoint, can go a long way in fostering mutual respect and understanding.

Even if you disagree, it’s better to say, “I understand where you’re coming from, but I see things differently,” than to dismiss the conversation with a flippant “whatever.”

6) “I hate you”

In the midst of a heated argument, we sometimes say things we don’t mean.

And one phrase that can cause significant harm is “I hate you”.

This phrase can cut deep and leave a lasting scar, even if said in the heat of the moment.

It’s not only hurtful—it can also undermine the love and trust that form the foundation of your relationship.

Remember, words, once spoken, cannot be taken back.

And this phrase can create wounds that are difficult to heal.

It’s okay to express anger or frustration, but it’s important to communicate these feelings without resorting to hurtful words.

Try saying, “I’m really upset with you right now” or “I’m feeling really angry,” instead of resorting to hateful language.

Because for a relationship to last, you need to always treat each other with kindness and respect, even when emotions run high.

7) “It’s all your fault”

Blaming your partner for everything that goes wrong can be damaging to a relationship.

It creates a hostile environment and can make your partner feel undervalued and unappreciated.

I remember a time when I blamed my partner for us being late to a family event. In reality, I also had a part to play, as I had lost track of time.

This blame game didn’t solve anything; it just left both of us feeling frustrated and upset.

Instead of pointing fingers, it’s more productive to discuss the problem and find a solution together.

A phrase like “Let’s see how we can avoid this in the future” promotes teamwork and fosters a healthier relationship dynamic.

8) “You’re overreacting”

This phrase is a classic example of gaslighting, a form of emotional abuse where a person manipulates someone into questioning their own feelings, thoughts, or reality.

Simply put, it’s a manipulative way of dismissing their feelings and experiences.

Even if you genuinely believe that your partner’s reaction is out of proportion, it’s important to acknowledge their emotions.

Their feelings are valid and real to them, even if you don’t understand or agree with them.

Instead of telling your partner they’re overreacting, try empathizing with them.

Say something like, “I can see that you’re really upset about this.

Let’s talk about it so I can understand better.”

This shows that you respect their feelings and are willing to listen to them.

9) “I don’t love you anymore”

This phrase should never be used lightly. It’s the ultimate relationship-ender and can leave a deep emotional scar.

And it’s the most devastating to hear from someone you love. 

If you’re having doubts about your feelings, it’s crucial to handle the situation with sensitivity.

Open, honest, and compassionate communication is key.

Be clear about your feelings, but also be mindful of your partner’s emotions.

Remember, once these words are out there, they’re almost impossible to take back.

So use them with extreme caution and only if you truly mean it.

Final thoughts: It’s all about respect

Relationships, like any other aspect of life, thrive on mutual respect and understanding.

When we disregard our partner’s emotions or try to manipulate them to our liking, it can lead to discord and dissatisfaction.

The key is to communicate openly, honestly, and with empathy; to express your feelings without attacking the other person; to understand rather than judge; and, lastly, to accept instead of dismiss.

So when you find yourself in a heated conversation with your partner, remember the power your words hold.

Choose them wisely and kindly.

After all, words carry weight—they have the power to heal or harm, unite or divide.

It’s your choice that can make all the difference.