When a loved one goes through a breakup, it can be heart-wrenching to witness their pain.

You want to be there for them, to offer comfort and support. But knowing what to say—or what not to say—can be challenging.

What may seem like innocent advice or a well-meaning comment could land as insensitive or dismissive. The wrong words can unintentionally deepen their hurt, making them feel misunderstood or isolated.

In this article, we’ll explore eight phrases you should avoid when comforting someone fresh off a breakup, helping you communicate your support with kindness and empathy. 

1) “There are plenty of fish in the sea”

We’ve all heard this tried and true phrase, usually from well-meaning friends or family trying to offer comfort after a breakup.

However, saying “there are plenty of fish in the sea” can actually be quite hurtful and dismissive.

The person experiencing the breakup is likely going through a whirlwind of emotions and might still be attached to their ex-partner.

Telling them that there are plenty of other potential partners out there can come off as trivializing their feelings or rushing them to move on.

What’s more, this phrase might make them feel as if they’re being pushed to quickly replace their ex, which can add an additional layer of stress and pressure.

It’s crucial to give them space and time to process their feelings at their own pace. Instead of using this phrase, consider listening to their thoughts and feelings, offering support, and reminding them that it’s okay to grieve.

2) “You’re better off without them”

Though it might seem like a supportive statement to uplift your friend, it can often have the opposite effect.

While the intention is to remind the person of their worth, it can inadvertently feel like a criticism of their judgment or taste. After all, they chose to be with that person and likely saw valuable qualities in them.

Furthermore, it may not align with their current feelings. They may still be in love with their ex or grappling with mixed emotions.

A more empathetic approach could be to say, “I’m here for you no matter what,” which sends a message of unconditional support without passing judgment on their past relationship.

3) “I never liked them anyway”

This statement, while it may seem like a show of solidarity, can actually cause more harm than good.

Our brains are wired to protect our self-concept, and negative comments about someone we cared about can feel like an attack on our own judgment and choices.

This can inadvertently lead to defensiveness rather than comfort.

Instead of voicing your personal opinion about the ex, focus on being a good listener and providing emotional support. A simple “I’m here for you” can go a long way in helping someone feel understood and less alone.

4) “Time heals all wounds”

While this phrase is often true, it may not be what someone wants to hear immediately after a breakup.

The pain of a breakup is fresh and real, and it can feel overwhelming.

Telling someone that time will heal their hurt can come across as dismissive and unhelpful, even if it’s intended to provide hope for the future.

Instead, acknowledging their pain and letting them know that it’s okay to feel this way can be much more comforting.

You might say something like, “It’s tough, I know. It’s okay to feel upset about it.” By doing this, you’re validating their feelings and letting them know that they’re not alone in their experience.

5) “Get back out there”

When someone has just had their heart broken, the last thing they probably want to think about is dating again.

Instantly suggesting they jump back into the dating pool might seem like a way to distract them or help them move on, but it can also feel overwhelming and insensitive.

Everyone has their own pace for healing and jumping into something new might not be what they need right away.

Instead, a gentle reminder of their strength and resilience can be a powerful support.

You could say, “Take all the time you need. You’ll know when you’re ready.” This reassures them that it’s okay to take the time to heal before rushing into something new.

6) “At least you learned something”

While it’s true that we learn from our experiences, this phrase can seem dismissive and insensitive, especially when the wound is still fresh.

I remember a friend of mine going through a painful breakup. When someone told her “At least you learned something,” she felt as if her pain was being minimized and her relationship was being reduced to a mere life lesson.

Rather than trying to find the silver lining, it might be more supportive to acknowledge their pain and let them know that it’s okay to grieve.

You might say, “I can’t imagine how hard this is for you. I’m here for you.” This shows your friend that you’re there to support them in their pain, not rush them through it.

7) “You’ll find someone better”

This statement, while meant to be encouraging, can often feel dismissive of the relationship that just ended. It’s like saying that the person they cared about wasn’t good enough, which can be hurtful.

It’s important to remember that a breakup is a loss, and it’s okay to grieve that loss.

Instead of immediately looking forward to the next relationship, it might be more helpful to acknowledge the present pain.

A more compassionate approach might be to say, “I know how much you cared about them, and it’s okay to feel hurt. Take your time to heal.” This shows respect for their feelings and their pace of recovery.

8) “It was meant to be”

This phrase, often intended to offer comfort, can instead feel dismissive or even infuriating.

It can seem as though you’re suggesting that their pain and heartbreak were predestined, which isn’t a comforting thought.

Breakups are painful and complex, and everyone deals with them in their own way. The most important thing to remember is to offer understanding, patience, and empathy.

Instead of offering clichéd phrases, a more considerate response could be, “This must be really hard for you. I’m here for you.”

This acknowledges their pain while offering them your support – which is often what someone dealing with a breakup needs the most.

Final thoughts

Supporting a loved one through a breakup can be one of the most compassionate things you can do, but it requires sensitivity and thoughtfulness.

By avoiding the phrases that can unintentionally hurt or alienate them, you open the door to genuine connection and understanding.

Moreover, know that it’s not about saying the perfect thing—it’s about being there for them, listening, and offering your support. Your love and understanding can truly help your loved one find their way back to themselves.