Ever run into folks who are always on the negative side? They’re the ones who never admit when they’re wrong and are quick to point fingers at others. 

These people can be a real pain to deal with! In fact, research indicates that being in the company of such individuals can distort our social perceptions, leading us to believe that others engage in similar behavior and fostering a more cynical outlook.

But did you know, you can often spot them by just listening to what they say? In this article, we’re going to break down 10 common phrases these ‘blame-shifter’ types love to use.

Getting familiar with these phrases can really help you handle these tricky situations better.

1) “It’s not my fault…”

One of the most common phrases you’ll hear from toxic people is “It’s not my fault.”

Regardless of the situation or their involvement, they seem to have a knack for dodging responsibility. They’d rather shift the blame onto someone or something else than admit they messed up.

This phrase is a clear sign that they’re not willing to acknowledge their part in the problem, let alone work towards a solution.

2) “You’re too sensitive…”

Toxic people often use the phrase “You’re too sensitive” to deflect blame and make the other person feel like they’re the problem.

By doing this, they invalidate the other person’s feelings and make it seem like their reaction or hurt is unwarranted. This tactic shifts the focus from their actions to your reaction, subtly shifting the blame onto you.

3) “I was just joking…”

Ah, the classic “I was just joking.” I remember an old friend of mine would often make snarky comments and when I’d express that I was hurt, she’d brush it off saying, “I was just joking.”

This phrase is a classic tactic used by toxic people to shift the blame. They say something hurtful or offensive and then play it off as a joke. If you react or get hurt, they make it seem like you’re overreacting or can’t take a joke. It’s a sneaky way for them to avoid responsibility for their words and actions.

4) “Everyone else does it…”

“Everyone else does it” is a phrase often used to justify inappropriate behavior and shift blame.

The interesting fact is that this is a psychological phenomenon known as the ‘bandwagon effect‘, where people often do or believe things because many other people do or believe the same.

Toxic individuals use this to their advantage, shifting responsibility away from themselves and onto ‘everyone else’. They’re effectively saying, “It’s not my fault, I’m just doing what everyone else is doing.” It’s a sneaky way of avoiding accountability.

5) “If you hadn’t…”

The phrase “If you hadn’t…” is a hallmark of toxic people shifting blame onto others. It’s a painful phrase that can make you question your own actions and feel guilty, even when it’s not your fault.

They use your actions as an excuse for their inappropriate reaction or behavior. It’s as if they’re saying, “I wouldn’t have acted this way if you hadn’t done that.” It’s a heartbreaking way of manipulating the situation to make you feel responsible for their actions.

6) “You always…” or “You never…”

I’ve personally come across this one quite a bit – “You always…” or “You never…”. These phrases are often used by toxic people to play the blame game.

I remember an ex-colleague who used to constantly say, “You never listen to my ideas” every time we had a disagreement. This type of language is not only accusatory but also absolute, leaving no room for discussion.

By using “always” and “never”, they’re generalizing one instance into a pattern, trying to shift the blame onto you and away from them.

7) “I didn’t mean to…”

Let’s get real here for a second – the phrase “I didn’t mean to” is a classic move in the blame-shifting playbook of toxic individuals. They use it as a get-out-of-jail-free card for their actions, as if not intending to cause harm excuses the harm done.

But the truth is, intent doesn’t erase impact. The axe may forget, but the tree will always remember. 

Even if they didn’t mean to hurt or offend, that doesn’t change the fact that they did. It’s a raw truth we often overlook: even unintentional hurt still hurts. This phrase is their way of dodging accountability and making you feel like you’re overreacting.

8) “It was just a mistake…”

When someone says, “It was just a mistake,” watch out! It’s a classic move by those pros at dodging blame. Instead of owning up to what they did, they make it sound like a minor oopsie-daisy.

By calling it a mistake, they’re playing it down, making it seem like everyone else is blowing things out of proportion. It’s their trick to dodge the consequences and avoid any deep self-reflection.

9) “I don’t remember that…”

“I don’t remember that” is a phrase that hits close to home for me. I’ve had encounters with people who conveniently ‘don’t remember’ when they’ve said or done something hurtful.

This selective memory serves as a shield for them, allowing them to avoid responsibility for their actions by simply claiming ignorance.

It’s frustrating and hurtful, especially when you’re left feeling like the bad guy for bringing it up. It’s a classic blame-shifting tactic that makes you question your own memory and feelings.

10) “You made me do it…”

The phrase “You made me do it” is one of the most toxic forms of blame-shifting. It’s not just about avoiding responsibility; it’s about making you feel directly responsible for their actions.

It’s as if they had no control over their own behavior, and you, somehow, were puppeteering their actions. It’s a harsh and manipulative tactic that can make you feel guilty and apologetic for something that isn’t your fault.

Own it, don’t shift it: Blame shifting, not a winning game

In conclusion, recognizing the phrases toxic individuals use to shift blame is an essential step towards cultivating healthier relationships and fostering a more positive environment.

By being aware of these manipulative tactics, we empower ourselves to set boundaries and protect our well-being. Remember, healthy relationships thrive on open communication, accountability, and mutual respect.

Stepping away from toxic dynamics allows us to embrace healthier connections, where understanding, empathy, and personal responsibility form the foundation for genuine, supportive interactions.