I used to struggle with asserting myself, both at work and in my personal life.

I’d hold back in conversations, constantly worrying about how people would react. As a result, I often found myself being talked over, ignored, or misunderstood.

Over time, though, I realized that being assertive isn’t about being rude or aggressive — it’s about expressing yourself confidently and clearly without apologizing for it.

When I started making small shifts in the way I communicated, I noticed a huge change in how others responded to me.

In this article, I’ll share 8 phrases that helped me come across as more assertive and in control. They may seem simple, but trust me, they make a big impact.

If you’re ready to stop being overlooked and start owning your space, read on!

1) “I understand your point, but here’s what I think…”

This phrase is a powerful tool for asserting your opinion without seeming dismissive of others.

It acknowledges their viewpoint, but clearly states that you have your own thoughts and ideas to bring to the table.

For example, if you’re in a team meeting and someone proposes a strategy that you have reservations about, you might say, “I understand your point, but here’s what I think we should consider…”

By framing it this way, you are not only being respectful of their contribution, but you’re also showing that you can think critically and offer alternative solutions.

This phrase is a great way to assert yourself without coming across as aggressive or domineering.

By incorporating this phrase into your communication style, you can start to build a reputation as someone who is confident and in control, but also considerate and respectful of others.

2) “I need some time to think about this.”

Taking a pause might seem like a passive move, but it’s actually a powerful assertion of control.

By asking for time to think, you’re showing that you value your own perspective and want to give a thoughtful response.

For instance, if you’re asked for an immediate decision on a complex issue, you might say: “I need some time to think about this. I want to ensure I make the most informed decision.”

This phrase demonstrates that you’re not easily swayed by pressure and that you’re in control of your own decision-making process. It makes clear that your thoughts and contributions are worth waiting for.

Don’t underestimate the power of a pause. It not only gives you time to gather your thoughts, but also sends the message that what you have to say is worth the wait.

3) “Let’s look at this from a different perspective…”

By suggesting a change in perspective, you’re taking control of the narrative and directing the conversation in a new direction.

This phrase indicates leadership and intellectual flexibility.

For instance, during a heated debate, you might use this phrase to defuse tension and introduce a fresh point of view: “Let’s look at this from a different perspective. What if we considered…”

Interestingly, when people are encouraged to see things from a different viewpoint, they often become more open-minded and receptive to new ideas.

This is because our brains are wired to appreciate novelty and are stimulated by new perspectives, leading to more creative and effective problem-solving.

So next time you’re in a discussion that feels stagnant or unproductive, try shifting the perspective.

It’s a powerful way to assert control, stimulate creativity, and steer the conversation in a positive direction.

4) “I appreciate your effort and contribution.”

Recognition and gratitude are potent communication tools.

When you acknowledge someone’s efforts or contributions, you’re showing respect for their thoughts and work, while also establishing yourself as a thoughtful and considerate communicator.

For example, in a workplace scenario, you might say: “I appreciate your effort and contribution on this project. Here’s what I believe we could do to make it even better…”

This phrase demonstrates that you’re not just assertive but also value the efforts of others, making them feel heard and appreciated.

Being assertive doesn’t always mean being tough or hard-nosed. Sometimes, it involves showing kindness and understanding, which can often help you gain the respect and cooperation of others.

5) “I’ve been in your shoes before…”

Sharing a personal experience can make your communication more relatable and impactful.

It shows you understand the other person’s situation and can empathize with their feelings.

For example, if a colleague is struggling with a task, you might say: “I’ve been in your shoes before, and I found this strategy to be helpful…”

By relating to their experience, you are not only asserting your expertise but also creating an emotional connection. This approach can make others more receptive to your ideas and suggestions.

Using personal experiences to illustrate your points can make your communication more authentic and effective, helping you to assert yourself in a relatable way.

6) “Based on my past experience…”

Drawing on your own experiences can be a powerful way to assert your authority and control in a conversation. It shows that your suggestions are based on practical knowledge and real-world experience.

For instance, in a planning meeting, you might say: “Based on my past experience with similar projects, I believe this approach would yield better results…”

In this case, I recall a time when I was leading a project at my previous organization. We faced a similar challenge and after trying several different strategies, we found one that worked really well for us.

Drawing on this experience, I was able to suggest a proven solution and steer the team in a more successful direction.

By sharing your experiences and lessons learned, you can position yourself as a knowledgeable and reliable source of advice.

This not only helps you come across as more assertive and in control but also boosts your credibility among your peers.

7) “This may be hard to hear, but it’s necessary…”

Sometimes, being assertive means having difficult conversations and giving constructive criticism.

While it’s not always easy, it’s crucial for growth and progress.

For instance, if you’re in a leadership position and need to address performance issues, you might say: “This may be hard to hear, but it’s necessary for us to improve…”

In delivering the message, you’re showing that you care about the individual or team’s development enough to have these tough conversations.

It might be uncomfortable in the moment, but in the long run, your honesty will be appreciated.

8) “Let’s focus on the solution, not the problem.”

At the end of the day, being assertive is all about finding solutions rather than dwelling on problems. This phrase is a powerful reminder of that.

When a problem arises, it’s easy to get caught up in pointing fingers and assigning blame.

However, this isn’t productive. Instead, you might say: “Let’s focus on the solution, not the problem. What can we do to fix this?”

By shifting the focus to solutions, you’re taking control of the situation and leading the way towards positive action. This approach not only asserts your leadership but also fosters a positive and proactive environment.

So remember, assertiveness is about being solution-oriented. It’s about taking control, yes, but it’s also about driving positive change and outcomes. 

Conclusion

Assertiveness may not come to natural to everyone, but it’s not a fixed trait. It’s a skill you can build, and with practice, it can even become second nature.

By incorporating these phrases into your daily conversations, you’ll soon start to feel more confident and in control.

Over time, these small shifts will help you earn the respect you deserve and ensure you’re never overlooked again.