First impressions are a big deal. They can make or break a relationship, professional or personal.

One thing’s for certain, the words you use play a huge part in shaping these initial encounters.

Just as there are phrases that can win people over, there are also certain expressions that can instantly put them off.

In this article, we’ll be looking at some of the phrases you should steer clear of if you want to make a positive first impression. So let’s dive in and uncover these potential conversation pitfalls.

1) “You should…”

We’ve all been there – someone we barely know starts a sentence with “You should,” and instantly, we’re on the defensive.

This phrase, especially when used at the beginning of a conversation, can come across as presumptuous and off-putting.

It implies that you know better than the other person, which is hardly the way to create a good first impression.

Instead of starting with “You should,” try asking questions to understand the other person’s perspective. You’ll come across as more approachable and less judgmental, making your initial interaction more positive.

2) “No offense, but…”

Ah, the classic “no offense, but…” line. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this phrase and instantly braced myself for the offensive comment that was sure to follow.

For instance, I remember when I was starting out in my career and someone said to me, “No offense, but you look too young to be in this position.” It was meant to be a light-hearted comment, but it came off as dismissive and undermining.

The problem is, beginning a statement with “no offense, but…” doesn’t negate the offense. Instead, it typically highlights that you’re aware your comment may hurt or insult the other person, but you’re choosing to say it anyway.

If you have something potentially sensitive to say, consider a more tactful approach or reconsider whether it needs to be said at all.

3) “I’m not a big deal”

Sometimes, in an attempt to appear humble or modest, people tend to downplay their achievements. The phrase “I’m not a big deal” is a classic example of this.

While humility is an admirable trait, too much of it can lead to self-deprecation, which isn’t exactly the best way to make a positive first impression.

Interestingly, studies show that people who openly acknowledge their accomplishments are perceived as more competent and confident. This doesn’t mean you should go around boasting about your achievements. But a healthy acknowledgement of your skills and accomplishments can go a long way in leaving a good first impression.

4) “That’s not my job”

Nobody likes to hear “That’s not my job,” especially when it’s the first interaction they’re having with someone.

This phrase can come across as inflexible and uncooperative. It can be a real conversation stopper and can instantly set a negative tone for your relationship with the other person.

Instead, if someone asks you to do something that’s outside of your role or comfort zone, it’s better to express your concerns or limitations in a more constructive way.

The goal is to build rapport and establish a positive connection. It’s always better to focus on what you can do rather than what you can’t.

5) “I don’t have time for this”

We’ve all been busy and under pressure, but proclaiming “I don’t have time for this” can come off as dismissive and rude, particularly when you’re meeting someone for the first time.

This phrase suggests that you can’t be bothered with the other person or what they have to say, which is not a great way to build a rapport.

Instead, if you’re genuinely pressed for time, there are more polite ways to express this. You could say “I’m currently swamped, but I’d love to discuss this further at a more convenient time.” This way, you’re stating your limitations without coming across as disrespectful.

6) “Whatever”

“Whatever” is one of those phrases that can be a real heartbreaker. It’s dismissive, indifferent and it can instantly deflate a conversation.

This word suggests that you don’t care about the other person’s thoughts or feelings. And believe me when I say, that’s not the image you want to project when you’re trying to make a good first impression.

When we communicate with others, it’s important to show interest and engagement in what they’re saying. Instead of saying “whatever,” try responding in a way that shows you value their input and perspective. It’ll go a long way in establishing a positive connection.

7) “Always” or “Never”

Using absolutes like “always” or “never” can be a quick way to put people on the defensive. I remember a time when I used the phrase “You’re always late” during a conversation. Instead of addressing the issue, it led to an argument about the accuracy of that statement.

These words can make people feel like they’re being unfairly judged or generalized. It’s more effective to address specific instances or behaviors rather than making sweeping statements. So, instead of saying “You never listen,” you might say, “I felt unheard when we were discussing our plans yesterday.” This approach is more likely to lead to understanding and resolution, rather than conflict.

8) “But I…”

When meeting someone for the first time, it’s important to show them that you’re interested in what they have to say. Starting a sentence with “But I…” can come across as self-centered and dismissive of the other person’s perspective.

Instead, try to engage in active listening. Show that you value their opinion, even if you have a different viewpoint. It’s not about agreeing with everything they say, but acknowledging their thoughts before presenting your own. This respectful exchange can help in building a positive rapport.

9) “I know, right?”

This phrase is a conversation killer. When someone shares their thoughts or experiences and you respond with “I know, right?”, it can come across as dismissive. It’s as if you’re confirming that their experience or opinion is obvious or unoriginal.

If you really want to make a good first impression, listen closely and respond in a way that shows genuine interest in what they’re sharing. A simple “That’s interesting, tell me more” can go a long way in building a positive connection.

Final thoughts: The power of words

Language is a potent tool. The words we use can shape our relationships, open doors, and even influence how others perceive us.

The phrases we’ve discussed in this article might seem harmless on the surface, but they can subtly portray a negative image if used carelessly during first encounters.

Research from Princeton University suggests that it takes just a tenth of a second for people to form an impression of a stranger. That’s faster than the blink of an eye! So, the way we communicate in those initial moments is crucial.

As you navigate your interactions, remember that respectful and thoughtful language is key. It’s not about using ‘perfect’ phrases but being aware of how our words might be perceived by others.

The next time you meet someone for the first time, remember to choose your words wisely. Who knows? Those first few phrases might just set the tone for a lifelong relationship.