I think we’ve all been there—standing in that uncomfortable silence after a friend tries to comfort us, but somehow, their words sting more than soothe.

I’ve lost count of the times I’ve heard someone say, “At least it’s not worse” or “Just be positive,” and while I knew they meant well, I couldn’t help but feel dismissed.

Maybe it’s just one of those things we don’t talk about enough: how the words we think are comforting can end up making someone feel unheard.

So, let’s take a real look at some of these well-meaning phrases. Here are nine that sound supportive on the surface but can unintentionally hurt the ones we care about most.

1) “At least it’s not worse…”

We’ve all faced tough moments where we needed a bit of reassurance. And we’ve all heard the phrase, “At least it’s not worse…”

Seemingly comforting, right? But here’s the thing, this phrase can come off as dismissive and cruel.

Why? It’s simple. This statement disregards someone’s feelings and experiences.

It subtly suggests that their situation isn’t bad enough to warrant distress or concern.

According to psychology, when someone shares their difficulties, they’re not looking for a comparison. It actually hurts the person more because it minimizes their feelings.

So next time you’re tempted to say this phrase, try offering genuine support instead. It’ll be more helpful and far less dismissive.

2) “Just be positive…”

I remember a time when I was going through a tough patch in life. A friend, trying to help, told me, “Just be positive…”

The intention behind this phrase may seem comforting, but let’s face it, it can be quite dismissive.

It’s not always easy to just ‘be positive,’ especially when you’re facing a challenging situation.

This phrase can make someone feel like their feelings of sadness or frustration aren’t valid or important.

Instead of telling someone to simply ‘be positive,’ it’s better to acknowledge their feelings and provide a listening ear.

This approach would have made me feel more understood and less dismissed during my own tough patch.

3) “Everything happens for a reason…”

“Everything happens for a reason…” is another phrase that’s often used for comfort but ends up being dismissive.

This phrase suggests that whatever difficulty someone is going through is part of some grand plan. It trivializes their experience and dismisses their pain.

People want to feel heard and acknowledged when they’re going through a hard time. Not fed lines that minimize their situation.

This phrase can also lead to feelings of guilt and self-blame. If everything happens for a reason, then the person suffering may start to believe they brought the hardship upon themselves.

So, instead of resorting to this phrase, try showing empathy and understanding. It’s much more comforting.

4) “I know exactly how you feel…”

“I know exactly how you feel…” is a common phrase we use when trying to connect with someone who’s hurting.

The issue with this phrase, however, is that it can be quite dismissive.

No two people experience the same situation in the same way, so claiming to know exactly how someone feels can belittle their unique experience.

Additionally, this statement shifts the focus from the person who is hurting to your own experiences.

Instead of offering comfort, it can end up making the other person feel unheard.

So next time, try saying something like, “I can’t fully understand what you’re going through, but I’m here for you.” It’s a more honest and empathetic response.

5) “It could be worse…”

Another phrase that’s often used to offer comfort but can be quite dismissive is, “It could be worse…”

This phrase invalidates a person’s feelings and experiences. It implies that they shouldn’t be upset because their situation isn’t as bad as it could be.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t offer comfort or support. It simply undermines their feelings and can make them feel guilty for feeling upset.

Instead of comparing their situation to something worse, it’s better to acknowledge their feelings. That’s the best way to offer real comfort and support.

6) “Time heals all wounds…”

The phrase, “Time heals all wounds…” is often used with the best intentions, aiming to offer solace during tough times.

Yet, it can unintentionally be dismissive and even cruel.

This phrase implies that with enough time, the person will simply get over their pain or loss.

But what if they don’t? What if the wound is so deep that even time can’t completely heal it?

This statement has even been debunked by a recent study. While grief and pain can lessen with time, the feelings do not always go away with time.

Human emotions aren’t linear. We don’t all heal at the same pace. Some wounds might scab over, but the scars remain.

It’s not our place to dictate someone else’s healing process. It’s far more compassionate to say something like, “I’m here for you, no matter how long it takes for you to heal.”

7) “You’re too sensitive…”

When I was younger, I often heard the phrase, “You’re too sensitive…” whenever I expressed my feelings.

This phrase implies that the person’s emotional reaction is the problem, not the situation that caused it.

It’s dismissive and invalidating, making the person feel wrong for having their feelings.

In reality, everyone has a right to their emotions.

Being sensitive or emotional doesn’t make someone weak or wrong. It simply means they experience things deeply.

A better response would be, “It’s okay to feel this way.” It acknowledges their feelings without judgment or dismissal.

8) “Just get over it…”

Another phrase that we often hear when trying to comfort others is, “Just get over it…”

This phrase can be quite dismissive and cruel. It suggests that the person is choosing to dwell on their pain or difficulty, and that they could simply decide to stop feeling upset.

Psychologists stress that emotions don’t work that way. People can’t just switch off their feelings like flipping a light switch.

Instead of telling someone to ‘get over it,’ try expressing empathy and understanding. It’s a far more compassionate response.

9) “You should be grateful…”

The phrase, “You should be grateful…” can be one of the most dismissive and cruel phrases to say to someone who’s struggling.

This phrase implies that the person isn’t appreciating what they have and that their feelings of pain or distress are unjustified.

It invalidates their feelings and experiences, making them feel guilty for how they feel.

Encouraging gratitude is great, but never at the expense of dismissing someone’s pain. Instead, we should aim to listen, understand, and empathize.

Final thoughts

Empathy isn’t just a soft skill we toss around in conversation; it’s the heart of how we connect.

When I think about the times I felt truly supported, it wasn’t because someone told me everything would be fine.

It was because they let me feel whatever I was feeling without rushing me to be okay.

There’s no denying that words carry weight, and the right ones can make all the difference.

Rather than lean on those familiar phrases, let’s show up with presence and honesty.

Let’s give people the space to feel and be understood, instead of fixing or redirecting. Because at the end of the day, isn’t that what we’re all looking for? Real empathy, without the clichés.