Emotionally mature men are seemingly something of a rarity.

Someone who knows how to express his feelings honestly and openly and is adept at communication often stands out like a black sheep.

The rest of the herd lack emotional sophistication, struggling to articulate their emotions – grumbling “I’m fine” at every opportunity – and using a certain set of phrases which often giveaway their emotional immaturity.

Wouldn’t it be good if you also knew these phases, and could use that insight to spot the difference between the emotionally sophisticated and the emotionally stunted?

Read on to start learning!

1) “You’re overreacting”

Emotionally immature people tend not to have so much patience and sympathy for the plight of others.

Hence why they’ll often be quick to dismiss other people’s feelings as overreactions, demonstrating their absolute lack of emotional understanding.

“You’re overreacting!”

They squabble like parrots, pairing this one with an eye roll as they sigh and try to weasel their way out of difficult situations they struggle to navigate.

Instead of engaging with the emotion and trying to get on the speaker’s level, they instead invalidate the other person’s feelings and create a barrier to authentic emotional connection.

So if you hear this one, heads up.

You’re likely not overreacting, but simply dealing with an emotionally naive man.

2) “I don’t want to talk about it”

When posed with an opportunity to get vulnerable and open up, emotionally immature men will usually run miles to escape.

They resort to the infamous “I don’t want to talk about it”, as a means of shutting down.

“How are you feeling?” “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“How do you feel about me? “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“How’s work going?” “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Unable to handle their own emotions productively, they shut down the conversation with an abrupt conversation killer and return to stony silence.

3) “Boys don’t cry”

This phrase is one that’s been floating around in society for a while now.

The unfortunate fact is that many men feel the pressure of toxic masculinity.

They fully believe that showing any emotion, especially through crying, is seen as a sign of inherent weakness.

From early childhood, boys are often taught to suppress their tears, leading to a habit of hiding emotions in adulthood.

But teaching little boys to be so tough and suppress any emotions leads only to repressed feelings which come out when they’re alone, or manifest in unhealthy ways.

4) “Calm down”

This silent killer might seem like a harmless request on the surface but often serves to dismiss or invalidate another person’s feelings. 

Through suggesting that the person showing emotion is being irrational or excessive, they’re again dismissing another person’s reaction.

And rather than opening up or demonstrating empathy to comfort someone else, telling them to “calm down” gives them an escape route from a potentially uncomfortable situation.

If you’re on the receiving end, be sure to stand your ground and know that your reaction is fully valid – don’t let someone else’s emotional immaturity prevent you from showing your feelings.

5) “It’s not a big deal”

BUT IT IS!

When a man uses this phrase, he’s probably trying to downplay his own feelings or those of others and avoid having to get deep and personal.

He decides it’s easier to dismiss them altogether rather than trying to understand them. 

The unfortunate outcome is that the person on the receiving end feels unheard or invalidated.

But if it is a big deal to you, stand your ground and be confident in however you’re reacting to the situation. 

Just because one person cannot deal with your emotions doesn’t mean that they’re not valid.

6) “I’m fine!”

Many of us use “I’m fine” to shield our true feelings, emotionally immature men more so than most.

Used often as a defense mechanism, men who are at odds with what is going on inside them choose the path of least resistance and will say they’re fine (even when they’re very much not).

This inability to express vulnerability can lead to bottled-up emotions and strain relationships, where emotions lie beneath the surface and snap up at inappropriate times. 

It can be heartbreaking to see someone you care about struggle with their feelings in this way.

So if you spot this phrase being employed a little too regularly, try and invoke some patience to help you understand a man’s emotional landscape better. 

7) “It’s just a joke…”

Not a funny one, I must say sir!

This phrase can often be used by men who lack emotional sophistication as a way to deflect responsibility for hurtful words or actions. 

They take things too far and hit someone where it hurts, but can’t ever own up and apologize for their actions.

Instead of acknowledging the impact of their words, they might hide behind the guise of humor.

Cue the recipient feeling burned and sore, and the speaker feeling somewhat guilty (but still totally unable to own up to this reaction).

Jokes can and do land badly. 

And a big part of emotional maturity is taking accountability when you do misjudge a situation or say something that doesn’t sit quite right.

8) “I didn’t mean to upset you”

The phrase “I didn’t mean to upset you” can be a red flag when it comes to emotional sophistication.

While it may seem like an apology, this phrase often serves as a way for a man to absolve himself of guilt or responsibility. 

Instead of acknowledging the fact that his actions did upset someone, he focuses on his intentions. Not too dissimilar from “I’m sorry if that hurt your feelings”, it is seemingly painted as your fault for receiving something badly. 

He is innocent! He didn’t mean it!

In reality, our intentions do not always align with the impact of our actions, and it’s crucial to recognize and take responsibility for this disconnect.

A better choice would be a genuine and sincere “I’m sorry I said those words. I didn’t intend to hurt you but I can see that I did and won’t do so again”.

9) “Let’s not talk about this now”

Postponing an emotional discussion can sometimes be necessary, but when used repeatedly, it’s often a sign of avoidance. 

Sure, you’re allowed to use this one if the time and place are completely off (and you’re trying to scrap in the middle of a fancy dinner with your parents).

But even if a topic is brought up at a bad time, you could sub in “Let’s not talk about this now, let’s talk about it this evening”, so you circle back to it at a suitable time.

Someone who uses this phrase to avoid any uncomfortable discussions is essentially hindering emotional growth and blocking open communication. 

Emotional sophistication involves facing emotions head-on, not evading them. 

Improving communication.

So there you have it, the 9 phrases that emotionally immature and unsophisticated men love dropping into conversation.

Hopefully, you’ll have a better idea of how emotionally sophisticated the speaker is, next time they employ one of these.

You’ll be able to decipher the fact that their emotional immaturity isn’t your fault, and your emotional reactions are valid.

Equally, people don’t grow without a little patience. Emotional intelligence comes naturally to some, but is a trait that needs to be exercised and improved by others who lack it naturally.

Hence why the phrases we’ve explored in this article aren’t meant to label or judge men as emotionally immature. Instead, they serve as indicators that can help us understand where a man might be on his emotional journey.

Identifying these phrases can be a starting point for conversations about emotional growth. 

At the end of the day, we’re all works in progress; often it’s easier to grow together than apart.