There’s a thin line between being assertive and being disrespectful.

This line is often defined by the words we choose to use.

Unbeknownst to us, certain phrases can strip us of the respect we’ve worked hard to earn from others.

In this article, I’ll share with you 9 phrases that could be making people lose respect for you without you even realizing it.

Here’s a heads-up so you can steer clear of making these common communication blunders.

1) “I know, but…”

We’ve all been there. In the midst of a heated conversation or a passionate discussion, we often resort to using phrases like “I know, but…” to express our views.

While it may seem like an innocent phrase, it can be perceived as dismissive and disrespectful.

It subtly communicates that you are not really listening to the other person’s perspective, but instead, waiting for your turn to speak.

When you say “I know, but…” you’re essentially disregarding the other person’s viewpoint before they’ve even finished expressing it.

This can make people feel unheard and undervalued, leading them to lose respect for you.

Remember, effective communication is about listening as much as it is about speaking.

The more you respect other people’s views, the more respect you’ll command.

2) “You always…” or “You never…”

I remember a time when I was having a disagreement with my colleague.

In the heat of the moment, I let out, “You never listen to my ideas.”

The conversation took a turn for the worse after that.

Using absolute terms like “always” and “never” when addressing someone’s behavior can be quite damaging.

It tends to make people defensive and less open to what you’re saying, leading to more conflict rather than resolution.

Such phrases not only generalize one’s behavior but also undermine their efforts.

Instead of pointing out every instance where they didn’t meet your expectations, it’s better to focus on specific instances and discuss them constructively.

In my case, instead of saying “You never listen to my ideas,” I could have said, “I felt overlooked in today’s meeting when my suggestion was dismissed. Can we discuss this?”

This would have been more effective and respectful.

3) “It’s not my fault”

The phrase can be a quick way to lose respect.

It can come across as you avoiding responsibility and shifting blame onto others.

This type of behavior is often seen in children, but when it’s exhibited by adults, it can damage relationships and reputations.

Instead of resorting to “It’s not my fault”, try acknowledging the situation realistically and expressing your willingness to find a solution.

For instance, you could say, “I understand why this situation is frustrating, let’s see how we can resolve it.”

This shows maturity and earns you respect in the long run.

4) “That’s not my job”

Saying “That’s not my job” can have a negative impact on how others perceive you, especially at work.

It communicates a lack of initiative and a reluctance to step out of your comfort zone.

Sure, it’s important to establish boundaries and not get overloaded with tasks that truly fall outside your role.

However, outright refusing a task with the phrase “That’s not my job” can make you come across as uncooperative or unhelpful.

Try to communicate your concerns more constructively.

If the task is indeed outside your scope, you could say something like, “I think person X might be better suited for this task as it falls within their area of expertise.”

This shows that you are a team player and care about the quality of the work, even if it’s not your responsibility.

5) “Whatever”

“Whatever” is a one-word phrase that can pack a punch.

It’s often used as a dismissive response and can make the person you’re communicating with feel insignificant.

This single word can suggest apathy and disinterest, which can be quite damaging, particularly in personal relationships.

It can give the impression that you don’t care about the other person’s feelings or thoughts.

Instead of using “whatever” to end a conversation or argument, consider expressing your feelings more clearly.

If you’re upset or tired, you could say, “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed right now, could we continue this conversation later?”

This way, you show respect for the other person’s views while also taking care of your own emotional well-being.

6) “I’m too busy”

We live in a fast-paced world where it’s easy to get wrapped up in our own tasks and responsibilities.

But using this phrase can inadvertently push people away and make them feel unimportant.

When I tell someone I’m “too busy,” I’ve noticed it can create a barrier between us.

It sends a message that I don’t value their time or our relationship enough to make room for them in my schedule.

To maintain respect and connection, it’s better to be honest and suggest an alternative time when you’re available.

Saying something like, “I have a lot on my plate at the moment, can we arrange another time to chat?” demonstrates that you value the relationship and are willing to make time for it, even when life gets busy.

7) “I don’t need your help”

As a fiercely independent person, I’ve often found it hard to ask for help.

I’ve caught myself saying, “I don’t need your help” more times than I’d like to admit.

While it might seem like a harmless assertion of independence, this phrase can sometimes push people away.

It can make others feel as though their efforts aren’t valued or needed, which can lead to a loss of respect.

It’s okay to be independent, but it’s also important to recognize and appreciate the value in others’ assistance and expertise.

Instead of dismissing someone’s offer of help, you can say, “Thank you, I appreciate your offer. I’ll let you know if I need assistance.”

This maintains the respect and fosters a spirit of teamwork and collaboration.

8) “I told you so”

There’s nothing quite as deflating as hearing the words “I told you so” after a mistake or misstep.

This phrase can come across as condescending and unsympathetic, and it’s likely to make people lose respect for you.

Expressing empathy and understanding after someone’s mistake is the key to maintaining respect.

Instead of saying “I told you so,” try to offer support or constructive advice.

You might say, “That didn’t go as planned. Let’s figure out a better approach for next time.”

This way, you’re fostering a positive, respectful environment where mistakes are seen as opportunities for growth, not as chances for blame.

9) “It doesn’t matter”

Above all, the phrase “It doesn’t matter” can be a real respect killer.

It sends a message of indifference and dismissiveness, whether you’re referring to someone’s feelings, ideas, or experiences.

The truth is, it does matter.

Every thought, every feeling, every idea matters to the person expressing it.

When we dismiss these as unimportant, we risk damaging relationships and losing the respect of those around us.

A simple “I understand why this is important to you” can go a long way in maintaining respect and building stronger connections with others.

Final thoughts: Words matter

Our words carry weight.

They build bridges or erect walls, heal wounds or inflict pain, garner respect or trigger disdain.

Every phrase we utter shapes our relationships and our reputation.

The phrases we’ve explored in this article are common, and we may use them without realizing their potential to chip away at the respect people have for us.

But awareness is the first step towards change.

As poet Maya Angelou wisely said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

It’s not just about avoiding these phrases; it’s about choosing words that uplift, empathize, and respect the feelings of others.

So let’s be mindful of our language and remember that every word we speak is a reflection of who we are.

Our words have power.

Let’s use them wisely.