Are you a parent who wants to see your child grow up with confidence, ready to take on the world? Of course, you are! 

We all want our kids to feel secure in themselves, and be able to tackle whatever life throws their way. 

Here’s the deal: the things you say to your children can have a huge impact on their confidence and self-esteem. 

But sometimes, it can feel like navigating a minefield, trying to figure out the right things to say and what to avoid. 

Today, we’re diving into 7 expert-backed phrases that can either make or break your child’s confidence.

Let’s see how many of these phrases you recognize.

1) “You just need to try harder”

When you tell a child, “You just need to try harder,” it might seem like you’re giving them a pep talk, but it can actually do more harm than good.

Here’s the thing: if a child isn’t feeling motivated, it’s often because they’re already doubting themselves. 

When you say this phrase, it can make them feel like their efforts aren’t good enough, which only reinforces their lack of self-belief.

According to psychologist and behavior specialist Dr. Sandy Gluckman, when we lecture them with phrases like this “we are actually telling them that they are not good enough. And that makes things worse for them too.”

And that’s the last thing you want, right?

This kind of talk doesn’t just damage their confidence; it can also leave them feeling hopeless and inadequate.

So, let’s steer clear of phrases like this and focus on building them up instead.

2) “Are you stupid?”

This is a big one. It’s never, ever okay to ask a child, “Are you stupid?”

Kids make mistakes, right? Everyone does.

Using negative language like this can really crush a child’s confidence. 

It’s like you’re questioning their whole ability just because they made a mistake.

And here’s the thing: words matter.

When a child keeps hearing negative suggestions about themselves, they start to believe it. 

It’s called the illusory truth effect, and it can seriously mess with a child’s confidence and self-esteem.

Plus, using a phrase like this might contribute to them developing a fixed mindset, thinking they can’t improve or get better. 

Instead, let’s encourage a growth mindset where they know they can learn and improve. And let’s ditch this phrase for good.

3) “You did well, but…”

Another phrase that can break your child’s confidence is when you say, “You did well, but…”.

It’s like you’re trying to give them a pat on the back, but then you go and point out something they could have done better.

‘But’ is a tricky word here. It basically cancels out the praise, making the child focus more on what they didn’t do perfectly.

Instead of feeling proud of their accomplishment, they might end up feeling like they didn’t quite measure up.

Even though you started off by praising them this phrase can actually break their confidence, as they end up feeling disappointed about what went wrong. 

Keep praise and feedback separate to give them the full benefit of both.

4) “Why can’t you be more like [sibling/friend’s name]?”

I remember as a kid my grandparents would always encourage me to be more like my big brother. 

They’d say things like “Eat your dinner, like your big brother” Or “Why can’t you be good like your big brother?”

Let’s be honest: being compared to someone else, especially when it suggests they’re better in some way, is never a good feeling. 

Unfortunately, parents often make these comparisons without realizing the impact.

Psychologist Julia Pappas warns “Comparing children to someone else who does ‘better’ is not as innocent as it seems. It deeply impacts the child’s sense of self and worth.”

So, let’s steer clear of comparing your children to anyone else. It’s just not worth the potential harm it can cause.

It’s time to switch gears and talk about phrases that can lift a child’s confidence.

5) “I’m so proud of you for trying”

“I’m so proud of you for trying” is a simple powerful confidence-boosting phrase.

Instead of just praising results, it hypes up their effort. 

It’s all about recognizing their willingness to give things a shot and cheering them on for it.

And there’s research to back it up: Psychologist Carol Dweck found that praising intelligence can actually backfire and damage a kid’s confidence and self-esteem.

She did this study where kids praised for being smart didn’t want to try tougher tasks later on.

“They thought they had low ability at this task. So their confidence in their ability, which is like self-esteem, plummeted”

But when you praise effort, it’s a whole different story. 

Kids feel more amped up to stick with it and they even perform better too.

Next time your kid takes on something new, remember to cheer them on for giving it their best shot!

6) “You’re very good at…”

Boosting your child’s confidence can be as easy as pointing out their strengths. 

Phrases like “you’re very good at sharing” or “you’re really good at [specific skill]” go a long way in helping them to develop confidence.

As psychologist Amanda S. Lochrie PhD explains, when you focus on their strengths, “it helps them feel good about themselves.”

Not only does it boost their confidence, but it also encourages more of that awesome behavior through positive reinforcement. 

It’s a win-win for everyone so be sure to call out your child’s strengths whenever you can. 

7) “I’m here if you need my help”

When you catch your child trying to tackle something, like pouring a glass of milk or reaching for something up high, how do you react? 

The natural instinct for many parents is to swoop in and lend a hand. 

Instead, why not say “I’m here if you need some help”?

This simple phrase is all about offering support while also empowering your child to be independent.

It gives them the space to figure things out on their own, which works wonders for their confidence.

Psychologist Jordan Peterson emphasizes the importance of letting kids navigate risky situations carefully to prepare them for the real world when he says: “Don’t interfere when kids are doing dangerous things carefully.” 

So instead of jumping in and taking over, try offering your support with this phrase and watch their confidence soar as they tackle and overcome challenges head-on.

The bottom line

In a world where confidence is key, the words we use with our children matter more than we may realize. 

By swapping out phrases that break confidence with ones that uplift and empower, we can set our kids on a path to self-assurance and resilience. 

Choose your words wisely and watch as your children grow into confident individuals ready to take on whatever life throws their way.