6 phrases socially intelligent people use to make an instant connection

Ever notice how some people seem to get along with others with almost no effort at all? It’s like they’ve got a knack for instantly connecting with everyone they meet.
How do they do it?
Lots of people assume, that making an instant connection like this is a natural talent, something that you’re either born with or you’re not. But that’s just not true.
In reality: social intelligence is a skill, like any other, that you can learn and develop over time. One of the easiest ways to become better in social situations is to start using some simple phrases that’ll help to connect you to others.
Let’s take a look at 6 phrases that socially intelligent people use to make an instant connection and you can too.
1) “That sounds really tough, I’m sorry you’re going through it”
When it comes to instantly making a connection with someone, support and understanding are key.
The thing is: when someone shares a challenging experience it’s easy to jump straight into giving them advice or downplaying their experience. You’re probably just trying to help or make them feel better but it doesn’t always come across that way.
It might be better to say something like “That sounds really tough, I’m sorry you’re going through it”. You don’t have to have all the answers, it’s just about taking a moment to recognize someone else’s struggles and offering some sympathy and understanding.
By validating someone’s feelings like this, you’re helping them to feel seen, heard, and understood. And this goes a long way in creating a connection and building trust.
2) “I know exactly where you’re coming from”
Is there anything better than talking to someone who just gets what you’re going through? It’s like as you talk about the situation they’re right there with you, experiencing it too.
This is what it means to show empathy to someone and it’s one of the ways socially intelligent people create connections. They’ll use phrases like “I know exactly where you’re coming from” to let the person know they understand them and can relate to them.
Best-selling author and researcher, Brené Brown often talks about empathy. For her, it’s all about being there for someone and letting them know they’re not alone. It plays a pivotal role in creating connections.
“Empathy has no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of ‘You’re not alone.”
When someone feels like you get them, they’re more comfortable with you and it helps to open the whole conversation up, allowing you to go deeper and create an instant connection.
3) “I’d love to get your opinion on something”
A couple of months ago, my co-worker, Brenda came up to my desk and said “Hey, do you have a minute? I’d love to get your opinion on something.” She wanted me to review a video she was in, to make sure she came across well (she was great!).
To be honest, before she even told me what she needed my opinion on I felt super valued and appreciated that she chose me. And after she showed me the video, I felt like she really trusted me and respected me because it’s not easy to be vulnerable with someone at work like that.
Asking for someone’s opinion is such an easy way to create a connection because it makes them feel all of the things Brenda made me feel; respected, appreciated, and valued. When people feel like this they’re way more likely to open up and have deep and meaningful chats.
Socially intelligent people know that asking for someone’s opinion is a powerful way to create an instant connection. You’ll hear them use phrases like “I’d love to get your opinion on something.” If you want to bond faster with others, try asking people for their opinions more.
4) “That sounds interesting, tell me more”
Another way you can make an instant connection with someone is by simply encouraging them to open up more and go deeper on things they’re interested in talking about.
Research shows that people love to talk about themselves yet so much of the conversations we have are surface level, most people never try to go deeper. That means if someone briefly mentions a personal project, even though they’d love to talk more about it, most people don’t ask.
This is where socially intelligent people are different. When they get the sense they’ve touched on something their conversation partner is passionate about, instead of staying high level, they encourage them to share more by saying a phrase like “That sounds interesting, tell me more.”
Simply showing a genuine interest in people and what they have to say can have a big impact on how quickly you can establish a connection with someone.
5) “It’s so refreshing to talk to someone who gets it”
Ever noticed how we tend to feel more comfortable and connect more easily with people who seem similar to us or we can relate to?
A recent study has found that we’re naturally drawn to people who are similar to ourselves. And it adds up, doesn’t it? When you’re around people similar to you, you feel more comfortable and at ease. Everything just flows effortlessly.
When I got my first job, there was one girl who worked there who had a similar family background to me, similar interests and we were about the same age. We clicked instantly because it felt good having someone that I could relate to. We’re still friends to this day.
Knowing this, one of the simplest ways that socially intelligent people create immediate connections with others is by finding some common ground and highlighting it to the other person by saying something like “It’s so refreshing to talk to someone who gets it”.
It’s one thing to recognize that you guys have some common interests but if you want to be sure to create an instant connection, go one step further and call it out to the other person by letting them know you appreciate that they’re on the same wavelength as you.
6) “Thanks for the chat, I really enjoyed it”
This one is both simple and impactful. If you’ve enjoyed talking to someone, tell them.
Not only are you expressing gratitude which helps them to feel more connected to you, but letting someone know that you enjoyed talking to them makes them feel valued and worthy. You’re tapping into their basic human desire to feel a sense of belonging and recognition.
It’s hard to believe that simply thanking someone for a chat and letting them know you enjoyed it can be so powerful but it is. And socially intelligent people know it. That’s why you’ll often hear them utter this phrase as they finish off a conversation with someone.
If you genuinely enjoy speaking to someone, why not let them know? It’ll make both of you feel better and it’ll go a long way toward creating an instant connection between you two. It’s a win-win for everyone.
Final thoughts
There you have it, 6 phrases that socially savvy people weave into most of their conversations to make instant connections. And now you can start using them too.
Just remember that even if you do everything right, an instant connection with someone isn’t always guaranteed.
Some connections are more of a slow burn and that’s okay too. Building meaningful connections slowly over time is equally valuable and rewarding.