10 phrases socially intelligent people use to build rapport with others

Eliza Hartley by Eliza Hartley | August 26, 2024, 4:16 am

Think about the last time you’ve truly connected with someone.

It’s like the world fades away, and suddenly, you’re not just talking—you’re relating, understanding, and genuinely caring.

We can all feel this big difference between just exchanging pleasantries and really building a connection.

This difference is hidden in the little things we say, the phrases that open doors to deeper conversations and stronger bonds.

If you’re ready to go beyond the surface and really connect with people, let me share some of the phrases that socially intelligent people use to build that elusive rapport—the kind that turns ordinary interactions into something special.

1) “How are you really doing?”

“How are you?” is often just a polite greeting, but socially intelligent people tend to take it a step further.

They genuinely want to know how the other person is doing.

They make it a point to show their interest and care about the individual’s wellbeing.

This phrase, when asked sincerely, can open up a dialogue that allows for deepening connections and understanding.

It shows the person you’re talking to that you see them, you hear them, and you value their feelings and experiences.

They open a door for the other person to share if they feel comfortable; if they don’t seem interested in sharing, a socially intelligent person respects their space and moves the conversation along.

2) “I can relate to that.”

I’ve been described as a socially intelligent individual, and I’ve realized the value of relating to others’ experiences.

Just the other day, I was talking to a friend who was stressed about an upcoming presentation.

I remembered feeling the same way before a big meeting at work.

Instead of just offering advice, I said, “I can relate to that. I remember feeling the same way when…”

By sharing my own experience, I validated her feelings and created a sense of mutual understanding.

It helped her feel less alone in her situation and opened up the conversation for us to discuss strategies that had worked for me in the past.

This phrase, “I can relate to that”, is an effective way of building rapport as it shows empathy and shared experiences.

It lets the other person know that you understand their perspective and, in turn, fosters deeper connections.

Pro tip: Be mindful not to dominate the conversation with your own story—instead, share just enough to show that you genuinely understand and relate to their emotions.

3) “Tell me more about that…”

The human brain is wired to find pleasure in talking about itself.

In fact, research has shown that self-disclosure activates the brain’s reward centers, much like the enjoyment derived from food and money. This tendency to share personal experiences is deeply ingrained in human psychology.

When you encourage someone to talk more about themselves or their interests by saying, “Tell me more about that,” you tap into this intrinsic desire for self-disclosure.

This phrase is gentle yet engaging, signaling that you’re genuinely interested in the other person’s thoughts and experiences.

Additionally, it allows the other person to steer the conversation toward topics they find enjoyable and comfortable, making the discussion more meaningful for both parties. 

4) “I appreciate your perspective.”

One of the most powerful ways to build rapport with someone is to show respect for their viewpoint, even if it differs from yours.

The phrase “I appreciate your perspective” does exactly that.

This phrase conveys that you value their thoughts and opinions.

It doesn’t necessarily mean you agree with them, but it shows that you’re open to understanding their point of view.

Disagreements often lead to conflict, but expressing appreciation for another’s perspective can disarm potential tension and foster a sense of mutual respect.

This can pave the way for more open and constructive conversations.

5) “I understand where you’re coming from…”

This phrase is a key tool in the socially intelligent person’s arsenal.

By saying it, you are validating the feelings and emotions of the person you’re talking to.

When you say “I understand where you’re coming from,” you’re acknowledging their feelings and experiences without passing judgment.

You can make them feel heard and understood, which is crucial in building rapport.

Understanding doesn’t necessarily mean agreement; you just want to show empathy and create a safe space for open and honest communication.

6) “You matter to me.”

In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, it can be easy to forget to express our appreciation for the people around us.

A simple phrase like “You matter to me” can be a potent reminder of your care and concern.

When you tell someone they matter to you, it’s an affirmation of their worth and importance in your life.

It’s a heartwarming sentiment that can make someone feel valued and appreciated, thus strengthening your bond.

A socially intelligent person knows the importance of sincerity when expressing such sentiments.

Don’t just say the words; you have to actually mean them too.

7) “I’ve made mistakes too.”

When I was starting out in my career, I made a significant error on a project that cost the company time and resources. Instead of hiding it, I owned up to my mistake.

By saying “I’ve made mistakes too,” I showed my colleagues that I was human and fallible.

This phrase can create a powerful connection between individuals. It demonstrates humility and authenticity, which are crucial for establishing trust and rapport.

When you acknowledge your own mistakes, it can make others feel more comfortable opening up about their own experiences and vulnerabilities.

It paves the way for deeper, more meaningful conversations and relationships.

8) “I don’t know…”

While it might seem like admitting ignorance could undermine your credibility, research has proven that the opposite is often true.

When used appropriately, the phrase “I don’t know” can actually enhance your rapport with others.

Saying “I don’t know” shows honesty and humility. It signals that you’re not pretending to have all the answers and are open to learning from others.

This can foster an environment of mutual respect and cooperation, where everyone feels valued for their knowledge and contributions.

Admitting that you don’t know something can be a breath of fresh air.

It shows that you value truth over appearances, which can be a powerful way to connect with others on a deeper level.

9) “I’ve been there…”

As I mentioned earlier, empathy is a powerful tool for building rapport, and the phrase “I’ve been there” can be an excellent way to express it.

When you share that you’ve had a similar experience or felt the same emotions, it can help the other person feel less alone.

It creates a sense of shared understanding and connection, which can be a strong foundation for a deeper relationship.

However, I will mention this once again–hearing a similar experience should come from a place of authenticity and not be used as a way to shift the focus of the conversation to yourself.

10) “Thank you!”

Finally, never underestimate the power of gratitude.

The phrase “Thank you” is a cornerstone of any meaningful relationship.

Expressing your appreciation shows the other person that you value their time, effort, and contributions. It fosters mutual respect and admiration, which can significantly strengthen your rapport with them.

Gratitude also has a way of making people feel good about themselves and their actions, which in turn can make them more positively inclined towards you.

Don’t forget to say “Thank you”—it might be two small words, but their impact can be immense.

Final thoughts: Connect from the heart

The words we choose often make the biggest difference.

Building rapport can’t be achieved just by being clever or charming.

Being real and opening up your heart is likely to work much better here.

We can use our words to show others that we see them, we hear them, and we care.

Whether it’s a simple “Thank you” or a heartfelt “How are you really doing?,” these phrases are the keys to deeper connections.

The next time you find yourself in a conversation, just drop the guard and connect, understand, and make someone feel valued.

The real magic happens when we go beyond the small talk and start speaking from the heart!

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