8 phrases really insecure men love to use, according to psychology

Isabella Chase by Isabella Chase | May 18, 2024, 10:17 am

If you’ve ever been involved with an insecure man, you’re likely familiar with certain phrases that seem to pop up again and again.

These phrases, often steeped in self-doubt and fear, can create a challenging dynamic in a relationship.

One moment, everything seems fine. The next, you’re left scratching your head, wondering what just happened.

By understanding these common phrases and the psychology behind them, you can handle these situations more effectively.

So, if you have an insecure man in your life and want to learn how to deal with them more effectively, read more below.

1) “You’re too good for me.”

This phrase is a classic from the insecure man’s playbook. On the surface, it seems like a compliment, a self-effacing way of expressing admiration for you.

But delve a bit deeper and you’ll find that it often masks deep-seated insecurities.

When a man often says, “you’re too good for me”, it could be an indication of his low self-esteem. The underlying message is that he doesn’t consider himself worthy of your affection or attention.

This can create an uncomfortable dynamic in the relationship, with you constantly having to reassure him of his worth.

Remember that this phrase isn’t about you, it’s about him and his perceived inadequacies. By recognizing this, you can better address the issue and encourage healthier communication patterns.

Don’t fall into the trap of constantly trying to boost his ego at the expense of your own needs and feelings. It’s not your job to fix his self-esteem issues; that’s something he needs to work on himself. 

2) “I don’t care what people think.”

It might seem like a show of independence and confidence, but often, this phrase can be a smokescreen for insecurity.

When a man frequently declares he doesn’t care about others’ opinions, it could be a defense mechanism. He may use this phrase to protect himself from potential criticism or rejection.

The idea is, if he proclaims not to care, then any negative feedback can’t hurt him.

Interestingly, this declaration may indicate the opposite. He might actually care very much about how others perceive him and be hyper-aware of their opinions. He uses this phrase as a shield, hoping to deflect any judgement before it arrives.

3) “I’m just being honest.”

Insecurity can sometimes masquerade as brutal honesty. An insecure man might frequently use this phrase, possibly as a way to establish dominance and control within the relationship.

The phrase “I’m just being honest” can be used as an excuse to express negative or hurtful opinions under the guise of candor. It’s a way to shift the blame onto the other person, implying that they can’t handle the truth.

However, people who tend to make overly critical or negative remarks often struggle with feelings of inadequacy and insecurity themselves. They may use criticism as a way to feel better about their own shortcomings by pointing out those of others.

4) “I’m sorry, but…”

This phrase is a common one and might seem harmless at first glance.

However, the addition of ‘but’ can subtly shift the meaning of an apology, turning it into a justification.

An insecure man might frequently use “I’m sorry, but…” as a way to apologize without fully accepting responsibility. It’s a delicate balancing act, trying to make amends while also defending his actions.

Admitting mistakes can be especially challenging for someone dealing with insecurity, as it may feel like exposing a weakness.

5) “I was just joking.”

Humor is a universal language, a tool we often use to connect, communicate, and diffuse tension.

But sometimes, it can be a mask for deeper insecurities.

When an insecure man says, “I was just joking”, especially after a hurtful comment or criticism, it’s an attempt to lighten the mood while avoiding responsibility for the impact of his words.

We’ve all been in situations where a joke didn’t land as intended. It happens. However, if this phrase is being used frequently to brush off hurtful comments or actions, it’s important to address it.

Being able to laugh at ourselves is a valuable trait, but not when it’s used as an excuse to undermine others or avoid meaningful conversations. 

6) “It’s not a big deal.”

We all know this phrase, and may have used it ourselves in an attempt to diffuse a situation or downplay a concern. But when used frequently by an insecure man, it can become a means of dismissal.

For example, imagine you bring up an issue that’s been bothering you in the relationship. Instead of engaging in a constructive conversation, he responds, “It’s not a big deal,” effectively closing off any further discussion.

This isn’t just dismissing your feelings or concerns. More often than not, it’s his inability to engage with conflict or criticism, likely stemming from his own insecurities.

Your feelings and concerns are valid. If something is a big deal to you, it should be treated as such.

A healthy relationship involves open dialogue, respect for each other’s feelings, and the willingness to address and resolve issues together.

7) “You’re too sensitive.”

This phrase can be particularly harmful, as it invalidates your feelings and shifts the blame onto you.

If an insecure man frequently tells you that you’re too sensitive, it’s not a comment on your emotional state but a reflection of his struggle to handle criticism or conflict.

It’s a defense mechanism, an attempt to deflect attention away from his actions and onto your reaction.

But here’s the thing: your feelings are your feelings. They’re not right or wrong; they simply are.

If you’re upset, you have every right to express that. And if something he does or says is causing that upset, it’s his responsibility to acknowledge it and address it.

Standing up for yourself might be tough, especially when dealing with someone who’s insecure. But your emotional health is important too. You deserve to be heard and seen in your relationship.

8) “I’m not perfect.”

No one is perfect, and we all make mistakes. That’s a given.

But when an insecure man constantly uses this phrase, it’s often an attempt to evade responsibility for his actions.

“I’m not perfect” can be a way to ward off criticism, to lower expectations, or to justify poor behavior.

But it’s important to remember that acknowledging imperfection is different from using it as a shield against accountability.

In a relationship, you don’t have to be perfect; you just have to be honest, respectful, and willing to grow, as we’re all but works in progress.

Above all, remember this: Your feelings are valid, and you deserve respect.

Insecurity can explain behavior, but it doesn’t excuse it. Encourage open communication and mutual growth in your relationships, and remember that everyone is deserving of understanding and kindness, including you.

These insights aren’t about casting blame or making judgments. They’re tools to foster more effective and compassionate communication.

Ultimately, the choice to use them lies with you.