12 phrases people with low self-awareness use without realizing their impact

Ethan Sterling by Ethan Sterling | September 5, 2024, 4:08 pm

In the 2007 song “Say” by John Mayer, he sang, “It’s better to say too much than never to say what you need to say.”

In the context of that song, with it being the soundtrack of a movie about bucket lists, that applies.

If you have low self-awareness, though, then it’s not for you. 

Why? You’re going to offend people even without meaning to. 

As an example, consider privilege and power, these should be taken into account.

There are so many out-of-touch statements that could be said in the name of “advice”. 

Our words have an impact.

And this isn’t me saying we can always catch ourselves from saying things we shouldn’t, however, it should be a matter of personal responsibility to at least know what could be harmful.  

What you do afterward is your discretion. 

Inversely, if you hear these lines from others and you can’t pinpoint why it grinds your gears, maybe you’ll find the answers here.

Here are 12 phrases people with low self-awareness use without realizing their impact.

1) “It’s just a joke”

Ahh, the “it’s just a joke” agenda. The #1 defense of people who think they’re funny. 

Guess what? If your “joke” is offensive, it’s not up to you to undermine the feelings of the person who got hurt.

Other people’s pain is not your punchline. 

2) “Have you gained/lost weight?”

I know it’s idealistic of me but I wish to live in a world where people’s weight is not someone else’s gossip.

While there are times when asking about someone’s weight is done in good faith, there could still be awkwardness that will ensue.

Weight loss and weight gain can be caused by so many factors that are uncomfortable to talk about.

For one, it could be from stress and all the factors that contribute to that stress.

It could also be from hormonal issues. It could be intentional. It could be from an illness.

The next time you are about to comment on someone’s weight, ask yourself if it’s truly your place to do so.  

3) “We all have the same 24 hours in a day (to do this)”

Come through, privilege!

It’s out of touch to tell someone that you have the same 24 hours in a day without taking into account if you actually live the same life. 

Examples: Two people won’t have the same opportunities for business if one is privileged and one is not.

Connections alone can make or break someone. 

If one had more money to take care of everything in their lives, they would have more time to do what they want and love compared to someone who works paycheck to paycheck.

It’s a misleadingly motivational thought to say that we can do the same things in a day with reality being the biggest proof. 

4) “Don’t be too sensitive”

You won’t always say the right words at the right time and you will inevitably hurt or offend somebody. 

What you can do though is to not say “Don’t be too sensitive” when they express being hurt. It’s like double the insult.

Only people with low self-awareness will do this (oh and those who are being deliberately mean.) 

5) “You just need to work hard”

We might disagree on this but saying that hard work is all it takes is a thing that people with low self-awareness would say. 

Hear me out.

Hard work is important and it pays off, sure, but it’s not always purely hard work, is it? Luck plays a part. Money plays a part. Connections do, too. 

There are privileges necessary to the road to success.

It’s something we forget to include in the narrative in favor of a feel-good story.

Do I think you can’t ever succeed without your privilege? No, but those stories are far and few in between.

So, may we all be aware of the privileges we hold before we turn around and tell someone that we only need to work hard to achieve everything we want. 

6) “Get over it! / You’re still not over it?”

We cannot dictate other people’s healing. 

We cannot make them “get over” what they are still hurting from. 

And saying “You’re still not over it?” is unnecessary pressure that you could have not added had you chosen to shut up. 

7) “No offense, but…”

The people who use this line are either not self-aware or pointedly mean.

At this point, I think we all know that saying “No offense, but” is just a “get out of jail” card for people who wish to remove responsibility for their words. 

We all know that everything that comes after that “but” is most likely offensive. 

8) “You’ll be fine”

I find that a lot of people who are not self-aware are also people who participate in toxic positivity.

You know them, those people who minimize hardship in favor of a silver lining.

Those who suppress their feelings so they can appear happier than they truly are.

Those who use these very same misleadingly motivational quotes to others who don’t want to hear it.

Because hey, life is not #GoodVibesOnly.

And telling someone “you’ll be fine” is dictating their feelings and who are we to do that? 

9) “What’s the big deal?”

Tone is important here, if you’re genuinely wondering what’s wrong, ask nicely

If you’re snarky about it like you can’t fathom why someone is making a big deal out of something you find minor, better not say anything.

People are allowed to feel big emotions about things that hurt them, it’s not your place to minimize their feelings. 

10) “If I can do it, you can, too!”

Let’s set the scene: You tell someone your problems, the other person happens to have experienced the same thing or something similar, they tell you… “If I can, you can, too!” 

What would you feel?

For some, probably relief. For others, annoyance.

Just because you’ve gone through it and came out intact at the other end does not mean everyone will. This line could just sound patronizing. 

11) “I’m just being honest”

Are you, really?

Brutal honesty is so overrated. Where does compassion go when it is unused? Can truths not be helpful? Can it not be kind?

Truths can hurt, yes, but why can’t we be mindful of the aftermath? If someone needed to hear the truth, can you not be snide over it? 

12) “This is just who I am”

Yeah, and you’re a flawed human being, capable of great feats but also susceptible to mistakes.

You also carry the possibility of being insufferable, the least you can do is be aware of it.

If someone is calling out your behavior, saying “This is just who I am” is a cop-out. 

And it could get frustrating for everyone else around you because you’re essentially excusing your bad behavior by saying you can’t help who you are.

Uhh, you can, actually. You can learn, you can grow, but only if you choose to. 

Final thoughts

Having low self-awareness is a matter of knowing and wanting to know.

At some point, it stops being a reason and starts being an excuse. 

We need to remember (me included) that our words have power, what we say can hurt people the same way that we can build them up.

And while we can’t always stop ourselves from saying the wrong thing, what we do after establishes our character. 

We can apologize, learn, and do better